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Old 05-25-2017, 11:24 AM
 
1,205 posts, read 1,182,066 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by TabulaRasa View Post
Not sure.

It seems like three years' investing time in developing a friendship is unlikely in a "I'm here for one thing" scenario. Unless you're really pretty pathetic, anyway. Most people aren't going to sink three years into accessing a hit it and quit it. You don't need to.
That was my thinking. I'd rather have a good friend than one night of sweeeet loooove.


Griffis - He is 38, I'm a few years older
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Old 05-25-2017, 11:39 AM
 
Location: Brighton, MI
136 posts, read 129,176 times
Reputation: 481
You're surprised that he's been aloof after you had sex?? Do you know how many times people have promised "it wont get weird" and then it gets weird?

Listen, these things have a shelf life. It may happen once, it may go on for months, but your friendship will never be the same and chances are it wont survive. One person always ends up developing feelings for the other. It fundamentally changes the dynamic of your relationship, forever. You cant un-ring that bell.

I've had sex with girls who were friends. We mostly remained cordial, but the friendship was never the same and it couldn't be. We were naked, I was inside of her, we came....I mean come on. These relations were meant for lovers.

Sorry to be the bearer of bad news, but it's a life lesson.
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Old 05-25-2017, 11:51 AM
 
Location: 🇬🇧 In jolly old London! 🇬🇧
15,675 posts, read 11,488,101 times
Reputation: 12549
Quote:
Originally Posted by magpiehere View Post
I'm sure this topic has been done to death but really, what's in a man's head with this?


I have a male friend, we've been chummy for three years. He's been a good patient friend to me. I like him and think he's a decent, stable, consistent guy.


Since the holidays or so things have escalated a bit in intensity on his end (I assume he's lonely, he has big life changes coming up). I myself have been very sick and dealing with that. He's been a good guy to me through it, takes cues from me about what I'm up for and so on. No pressure kind of thing (I don't have a lot of energy right now). We've joked about him being on standby for fun if needed while at the same time we had a thoughtful discussion how we didn't want our friendship to end if it became sexual. It was something I feared. He told me more than once he was more worried I would end things, not him. (I know I would not).


The inevitable happened, we had sex one night, for hours actually. It was fantastic. He was kind and sweet and so respectful. He treated me like he was into it. It was effortless really with no awkwardness, it was great!


Other than a text right after he left saying what a great time he had and I was awesome and all that I've heard nothing. I've sent a few follow up texts and a chatty email, the sort of contact we always have. No response. It's been three weeks. In general it isn't weird we'd go three weeks without a real convo, but him to not even respond at all is very weird (before sex anyway).


To be clear - we do not have romantic feelings for one another and simply enjoyed being friends and chatting with one another. He has no reason to fear my feelings have changed.


What gives guys? We aren't young anymore either, if that matters. Sure people hook up but we've been friends for three years, what guy is going to pretend for that long for one night??
I'm sorry this has happened but I don't think he's just " got what he wanted " and left or anything like that because 3 years is well too long to wait in my opinion.

It's hard to say why but RE the bolded part that is actually the reason why I think he's gone.... Unfortunately sex does tend to change things for many and I'd guess that even though you were joking and playing around when talking about sex I wouldn't be too surprised if he's mistaken it for signs/cues instead of just the humour that you intended.

Therefore with that in mind and him thinking you were serious then it's possible he panicked and legged it perhaps?

Just an idea
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Old 05-25-2017, 11:56 AM
 
Location: RI, MA, VT, WI, IL, CA, IN (that one sucked), KY
41,938 posts, read 36,834,525 times
Reputation: 40634
Quote:
Originally Posted by MZMpac View Post
You're surprised that he's been aloof after you had sex?? Do you know how many times people have promised "it wont get weird" and then it gets weird?

Listen, these things have a shelf life. It may happen once, it may go on for months, but your friendship will never be the same and chances are it wont survive. One person always ends up developing feelings for the other. It fundamentally changes the dynamic of your relationship, forever. You cant un-ring that bell.

I've had sex with girls who were friends. We mostly remained cordial, but the friendship was never the same and it couldn't be. We were naked, I was inside of her, we came....I mean come on. These relations were meant for lovers.

Sorry to be the bearer of bad news, but it's a life lesson.


Not true at all. If they're really friends, they will remain friends, and it most certainly is not true that one person always develops feelings. The relationship isn't the same, exactly, but it doesn't mean it is worse, and often there is a greater connection and closer friendship.
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Old 05-25-2017, 11:58 AM
 
Location: SoCal again
20,705 posts, read 19,880,600 times
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Have you ever heard of something thats is called "phone call"? Some people do that.


I would have sent one text or email and after no reply I would have called and asked what is up.
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Old 05-25-2017, 01:02 PM
 
477 posts, read 313,862 times
Reputation: 879
Quote:
Originally Posted by magpiehere View Post
The inevitable happened, we had sex one night, for hours actually. It was fantastic. He was kind and sweet and so respectful. He treated me like he was into it. It was effortless really with no awkwardness, it was great!
Maybe your wore him out. He could still be in recovery
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Old 05-25-2017, 01:03 PM
 
Location: 🇬🇧 In jolly old London! 🇬🇧
15,675 posts, read 11,488,101 times
Reputation: 12549
Quote:
Originally Posted by browningpoefrost View Post
maybe your wore him out. He could still be in recovery
😂😂😂😂!
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Old 05-25-2017, 01:27 PM
 
Location: Scottsdale, AZ
16,961 posts, read 17,286,535 times
Reputation: 30257
Quote:
Originally Posted by MZMpac View Post
You're surprised that he's been aloof after you had sex?? Do you know how many times people have promised "it wont get weird" and then it gets weird?

Listen, these things have a shelf life. It may happen once, it may go on for months, but your friendship will never be the same and chances are it wont survive. One person always ends up developing feelings for the other. It fundamentally changes the dynamic of your relationship, forever. You cant un-ring that bell.

I've had sex with girls who were friends. We mostly remained cordial, but the friendship was never the same and it couldn't be. We were naked, I was inside of her, we came....I mean come on. These relations were meant for lovers.

Sorry to be the bearer of bad news, but it's a life lesson.
I would have to agree with this through personal experience. Of course, it doesn't happen to every platonic friendship, but more often than not, its does.

Learning this in my earlier years, I keep friends "just friends".

Good chance, this relationship has ran its course, OP.
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Old 05-25-2017, 01:33 PM
 
Location: RI, MA, VT, WI, IL, CA, IN (that one sucked), KY
41,938 posts, read 36,834,525 times
Reputation: 40634
It's sad so many people think you lose a friend because you had sex. Never been my experience. I haven't seen it to be common in the experience in many of my friends. The CERTAINLY do not have situations where one person develops feelings just because they had some sex very frequently.
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Old 05-25-2017, 01:38 PM
TKO
 
Location: On the Border
4,153 posts, read 4,264,750 times
Reputation: 3287
My take is that he wants to remain friends so he's putting some distance back into the relationship. Having sex and getting together again a day or two later, I'm going to be wanting/thinking about sex again even if I know it's not good for the friendship. Let a couple weeks go by and it's easier to be around the person without thinking about that, too much at least.

I absolutely believe friends can remain friends post-sex but it does change things.
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