Very Personal, but no friends around tonight and have to vent (guys, love)

[Lior Arel]

Thanks guys, and yes I've lined up some dates, etc. I do go out (made out with a real cute guy the other night even) so I hear what you're saying. I'm working through it, just sucks tonight. He got home a few minutes ago -- I'm not going over, but I'm sure he'll either IM me or come over here.

Artsyguy -- it took me by surprise too. However, everyone who knows us thinks we are dating. We go to movies, the beach, cook each other dinner, have long talks. Our friends (we hang out with the same group of guys) know I'm gay and that he's not, but have said to me on several occasions "Are you guys dating"? I think that's why the feelings are there, the only thing missing is the physical affection (though he does hug me, put his arm over the back of the passanger seat when I'm in his car, everything short of kissing). There is no malice in his actions -- I think in a strange way he loves me more than he would a guy friend, but not like he would a girl.

flindras, I took no offense; I knew you didn't mean it that way :love:

[artsyguy]

Interesting situation.

I haven't made out with a cute guy in a while. haha.

Originally Posted by Lior Arel

Artsyguy -- it took me by surprise too. However, everyone who knows us thinks we are dating. We go to movies, the beach, cook each other dinner, have long talks. Our friends (we hang out with the same group of guys) know I'm gay and that he's not, but have said to me on several occasions "Are you guys dating"? I think that's why the feelings are there, the only thing missing is the physical affection (though he does hug me, put his arm over the back of the passanger seat when I'm in his car, everything short of kissing). There is no malice in his actions -- I think in a strange way he loves me more than he would a guy friend, but not like he would a girl.

flindras, I took no offense; I knew you didn't mean it that way :love:

[anomoly]

Originally Posted by artsyguy

-As soon as I know that a guy is straight I really have no feelings for him what so ever. If it is a gay guy, I don't have feelings for him until he shows that he is a kind and committed person.
Really? No instinctive attraction? Without sounding critical, it sounds like your head rules your heart. I've had attractions to people who, because they are married, or in one case, underage (I'm a middleage woman), I don't act on the attraction.

-I'm sorry but you've developed an attachment. It is time for you to go to some gay dance clubs and just try to pick out a few nice guys to talk with and flirt with. You'll feel better if you try.

I agree. There's nothing worse than obsessing---on anything!

[rubyskye]

That's a beautiful post Lior Arel.
You expressed your situation with such honesty and clarity.
What came to my mind as i was reading your post is my 76 year friend that still has all of his fires burning and is deeply lonely. He tends to fall in love with women that are much younger than he is (he's so young at heart and in spirit and his sexual energy is still so strong) but he knows that he cannot be with them.
So i've been going through this with him. It's a similar situation in the sense that he knows that he cannot be with a person that stirs his heart and his deepest longings.
But he doesn't shut down.
Blessings.

[artsyguy]

One thing that has helped me stay away from romance is the few bad experiences I've had with men. Being heartbroken is like a hangover but it last for months and months - too have your heartbroken and not heal up right away is so awful...ya know.

So, sometimes you will find that being with yourself is such a blessing. True bliss and peace. True freedom. Being heartbroken is so painful that you wish only to be extra careful when going into romantic situations or relationships. I am cool being alone but I am also cool giving cute guys a chance to show commitment and kindness to me before it gets to the romantic stage.

Originally Posted by rubyskye

That's a beautiful post Lior Arel.
You expressed your situation with such honesty and clarity.
What came to my mind as i was reading your post is my 76 year friend that still has all of his fires burning and is deeply lonely. He tends to fall in love with women that are much younger than he is (he's so young at heart and in spirit and his sexual energy is still so strong) but he knows that he cannot be with them.
So i've been going through this with him. It's a similar situation in the sense that he knows that he cannot be with a person that stirs his heart and his deepest longings.
But he doesn't shut down.
Blessings.

[Travelling fella]

Originally Posted by Lior Arel

So, a few weeks ago I found myself head over heels in love with my friend and neighbor. He's so sweet to me and treats me like gold. However, he's straight (I'm a gay man).

We spend so much time together and my feelings for him are stronger than any I've felt in quite some time. It hurts, but I'm handling it and enjoying that I get to have any type of relationship with him at all.

However, tonight I'm going crazy. I know it's stupid, I know I can't have him and I'm working on resolving those feelings. He's out tonight; on a second date with a girl he met. I'm not so much jealous as HURTING. I find myself wondering what he's saying to her. Is he putting his arm around her? Is he kissing her? On and on it goes.

I've always put up walls with straight guys because I've seen the hurt it can cause, but somehow he flew in under my radar. Now I'm in misery and his face; his eyes are haunting me tonight. Words can't truly describe the confusion and anguish I'm feeling tonight

I'm not looking for advice, I'm smart enough to know the score. I just needed to get it off my chest and proclaim my love somehow, somewhere.

Lior, I'm really sorry to know about your situation mate, but you know something, I think that the friend you describe truly loves you, he seems to be a person with a heart of gold that gives you the best of him, no wonder why he went under your radar, maybe it's not couple love, but because of you describe about him, about the way he treats you, he is giving you something sincere and pure, I know it's hard but you should try to love him the same way and thank God for this divine gift he gave you of a true, loving and caring friend.

Maybe he even loves you more than what you think, we tend to believe that couple love is the highest expression of love, but what about the love a mother feels for her sons?

Couple love is beautiful, but it's somewhat tainted by physical and sexual attraction, while friendship is something purer, because the only thing that a friend wants is the wellbeing and happiness of his friend, try to think on that and feel loved, also know that we the community of City Data send you our love and support as well

Peace of mind to you, lots of love and light!!

Strenght!!! Wisdom!!! and the purest cosmic vibrations buddy!

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[Rhett_Butler]

I don't wish to provide false hope, but what I'll say is that this is kind of a rarity...

Usually straight guys don't grow THIS close to gay men...

Not saying it isn't possible. Just isn't typical.

[Lior Arel]

That was wonderful Travelling Fella and I know it to be true. In fact, I think he's had a couple of question mark moments due to the way he feels towards me.

Thank you to ALL of you for your wonderful, supportive replies. It was just what I needed.

I am feeling better with the light of the day, and somehow seeing him come home happy last night (we went to the store when he got back) helped to smooth things a little for me. All I really want is him to be happy

[denverian]

I have a couple "metro" neighbors (who are both married) and they've become good friends. Sometimes I have to wonder about them.

In my single days, I never had any straight friends. Looking back, I went from coming out to meeting my partner in a 3 year period. There was the awkwardness of learning the rules, how to date, what to expect. Once I mastered that, I took full advantage for a year or so after college! But I still remember the intense pain after my first actual relationship ended.

Looking back, it all seems almost silly, although not at the time. I even think how fortunate I am that my first relationships ended. If any of those relationships had stuck, I know my life wouldn't be as great as it is today. I'm with my partner of over 12 years - someone I trust and love. We have a beautiful house, neighbors we love like family, and twin babies on the way. The ups and downs of single life and dating seem like a minute part of my life and who I am. I wish you the best of luck - and patience!

[Lior Arel]

Thanks Denverian. I've been a couple of relationships (including a marriage or 5 years; together for 8) and I'm sure it will happen again. I don't necessarily want one, but it would be nice.

At least with "J" it gives me an idea of what I would like in a relationship.

"And Im gonna need somebody to make me feel like you do
And I will receive somebody with open arms, open eyes,
Open up the sky and let the planet that I love shine through"
-Meatloaf