Very Personal, but no friends around tonight and have to vent

[Tzaphkiel]

if he is questioning, then any approach has to come from him not you
i was out as a gay woman for years, and had a straight woman for a friend for over a year and one day that's exactly what she brought up, and she just started the conversation about she was beginning to be aware of "feelings" and "that side of herself"

more than anything she was glad to have someone she knew and trusted to talk about the topic with, as for her it was vulnerable to own up to that

bear in mind that there is a big difference between someone beginning to explore their feelings of same-sex attraction.....and that person necessarily being attracted to you as a lover. they are two entirely different issues, and don't necessarily go together.

if he knows you are gay (i'm guessing he does? does he know you are gay?) then it sounds like you are a safe person for him to have as a friend, and be there if and when he does bring up that conversation. it's got to come from him, coming from you is just going to sound like you're coming on to him, and that could jeopardize the friendship you have, which sounds like it is valuable to you to have in your life

[denverian]

If he is gay/questioning, I always considered people in this stage of life to be "off limits" for dating. Meaning, they haven't had time to truly come to terms with being gay, coming out, feeling comfortable in themselves, learning the rules, sowing their oats, etc. I've never seen a relationship with someone fresh out of the closet last long.

I have several gay friends I went to college with who have never had a long term relationship over all these years. One of them told me he's comfortable with being alone the rest of his life and realized long ago he just isn't capable of having a lasting relationship with anyone. If you're comfortable with that, there's nothing wrong with it!

[Lior Arel]

Exactly. I rather hope he's not gay. Then it would really hurt to see him on my side of the fence but not with me. Somehow, the fact that I'm 99.9% positive he is straight keeps that last thinnest of walls up for me in regards to my feelings for him.

And yes, he knows I'm gay and it has never mattered or bothered him one bit (though he cringes a little if I go into details..LOL).

[Tzaphkiel]

also ,the way one straight-but-questioning friend described it is "bi-curious" when she did check it out, she decided she is bi. Having an affair with a same-sex partner doesn't make a person gay. It makes sense to me that there is a process of exploration, trying, seeing what the response is, and then each person gets to self-define.

regarding dating same-gender people who are "just coming out" or "questioning" or "curious" is a whole other issue in itself. Some people I know just love "bringing someone out." Others won't touch it with a ten-foot pole. When I was coming out one woman told me if I was still attracted to her contact her in a couple years because there was no way she was going to be with someone in that phase. It is individual preference.

Personally, I don't particularly want to be the person someone "tries out" their options with. I want someone who wants to be with me and knows it.