Dating Single Mothers? (girlfriends, husband, 2013, sex)
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Well, I'm not looking for them, its just happens to be who I meet. Most of the dudes lamenting about all the women with kids live in rural areas, or cultural conservative backwater urban areas. Don't do that if you want to meet childfree women! Simple.
But stats actually don't mean much in this context. You're (not you, but a marriage minded person) is looking for one individual. Not a mean, median or mode. Dating isn't about numbers. I've been to five weddings the past two years and one upcoming. Every single one late 30s or early to mid 40s people. None with children.
If there is a box to check for such things, I've not seen it.
Well, not to belabor the point but it was a ny times article citing the census bureau. I will a agree that the pickings in podunkville is certainly a potential draw back in mate selection but math is math here folks. 80 percent by 40ish looks about right anedoctally speaking which directly correlates with the US census. Again, you are splitting aces and drawing face cards apparently.
Yeah, seems to be a bunch of dudes on here that want conservative traditional women, then complain that they're not meeting single child free women in their 30s and 40s. Well duh, no wonder you're having problems.
Well maybe they were looking for conservative traditional women in their 20s but couldn't find them.
Pretty much my point. As a guy ages his options shrink and in the areas where they don't maturity level mismatches becomes an issue.
Also less on point, but other are starting to bring up is overall population of an area. Yeah, I get it I went from a 2 million plus metro to one of 425k or so, but I've also traveled extensively while in the south so long-term it might be an issue, but currently hasn't been. Unless it's simply a case of not being in one of these other places long enough to work through all the niches it offers those who live there, which I'd certain say could be correct.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Wmsn4Life
What in the world is this supposed to be an example of?
Just that, a concrete example. People were focusing on the wrong bit. Seems you still are...unless you're trolling. Not sure.
As for some of the other new replies I'm not sure why you've gotten off on the OLD tangent as:
1. It's been going downhill for some time now. You know it's bad when you have 90+ matches and 99% of them aren't dateable.
2. It's the best place to find damaged people who outnumber the regular folks single or single mother alike. So again, not useful.
3. On the higher age range, based on what I've seen with my uncle, many of these woman are just looking to do casual. Again, not particularly helpful even if I were to date older.
I find the "Women are childless for a reason" cliched line super stupid and offensive. Not every woman who is childless is childless because she couldn't find a "man". I could have had a number of kids right now if I was okay with being unmarried and with (most likely) a man in and out of a child's life if at all in it. I could never understand how it's more "okay" and "acceptable" for an unwed woman to have kids versus an unwed woman to not have any. I mean I guess I could understand because today family values and attitudes are completely different. I personally would never bring a kid into this world if I didn't feel I had enough money, was stable in life (and career), and had a husband at home who was committed to me and our child (yes I know divorce does happen).In any case, it's usually the educated women who are single with no kids.
Yeah, seems to be a bunch of dudes on here that want conservative traditional women, then complain that they're not meeting single child free women in their 30s and 40s. Well duh, no wonder you're having problems.
It's red pill stuff.
Men with these beliefs don't trust women that have ridden the " **** carousel."
The thinking goes like this: Women that fully enjoy their 20's spend lots of time with really attractive, hot, alpha-male types. Casual encounters with men that are out of their league. Basically a woman that's a "6" but has lots of short-term flings and relationships with men that are "8's" or "9's." The woman starts to view the hot guy as being on her level so she won't settle for less than that. In her mind, he's just average and she's average. She doesn't really notice guys below his level of attractiveness, so she starts to view truly "hot" guys as just a tad above average; putting him more on her level mentally. Eventually she comes to realize the super hot guy (that's really just above average in her mind) won't marry her and so she delays marriage because she's not ready to accept the kind of man that's truly her equal.
In her 30's, she decides to start dating men that are more on her level. Men that she would have never given the time of day 10 years earlier. These average men are starting to hit their stride and they have no problem going out with said girl. Their fear is that if she's sowed her wild oats, she won't be any good as a wife. Imagine someone that's spent 10-15 years driving luxury exotic cars (Ferrari, Bentley, Rolls Royce etc) and then at age 35, they can only drive a Toyota. There's nothing wrong with the Toyota but it doesn't get the heart pumping like a $300k exotic. The men coin the term "alpha widow" where a woman has experienced sexual and psychological highs that an average man can't give her. No matter what he does, she'll never be happy because she craves the Superman-type guys she's used to dating. He's not the best husband because he lacks the sexual and relationship experience she has. Eventually they split because of incompatibility.
I don't fully agree with this theory, but I understand it. Late-bloomer men that don't really find their stride until their 30's are going to have compatibility issues with most women of the same age. Women are looking for the RIGHT guy whereas men are just looking for ANY woman. The woman feels she's settling and the man starts to resent her when he realizes that she feels this way. Sex is a big part of this. The woman will reveal some of her youthful escapades but her husband can't figure out why she's so vanilla now. He feels like there's a side of her that he'll never know. In her mind, she's less adventurous because she's matured. In his mind, she's less adventurous because she doesn't want to give herself fully to her husband.....yet gave herself fully to men that she was more attracted to in her youth.
Men with these beliefs don't trust women that have ridden the " **** carousel."
The thinking goes like this: Women that fully enjoy their 20's spend lots of time with really attractive, hot, alpha-male types. Casual encounters with men that are out of their league. Basically a woman that's a "6" but has lots of short-term flings and relationships with men that are "8's" or "9's." The woman starts to view the hot guy as being on her level so she won't settle for less than that. Eventually she comes to realize the super hot guy won't marry her and so she delays marriage because she's not ready to accept the kind of man that's truly her equal.
In her 30's, she decides to start dating men that are more on her level. Men that she would have never given the time of day 10 years earlier. These average men are starting to hit their stride and they have no problem going out with said girl. Their fear is that if she's sowed her wild oats, she won't be any good as a wife. Imagine someone that's spent 10-15 years driving luxury exotic cars (Ferrari, Bentley, Rolls Royce etc) and then at age 35, they can only drive a Toyota. There's nothing wrong with the Toyota but it doesn't get the heart pumping like a $300k exotic. The men coin the term "alpha widow" where a woman has experienced sexual and psychological highs that an average man can't give her. No matter what he does, she'll never be happy because she craves the Superman-type guys she's used to dating. He's not the best husband because he lacks the sexual and relationship experience she has. Eventually they split because of incompatibility.
I don't fully agree with this theory, but I understand it. Late-bloomer men that don't really find their stride until their 30's are going to have compatibility issues with most women of the same age. Women are looking for the RIGHT guy whereas men are just looking for ANY woman.
LOL. You worded that well. Generally I think what you said is true. I know I'm attractive but I think I was a bit delusional in my thinking when I was younger (and maybe still now lol). In my 20s looks did matter to me. Probably not as much as other 20something women, but they still mattered. Most guys I dated with and/or was with were to me really attractive. I'm older now and while I you cannot help who you are attracted to, they just hardly matter anymore to me. Maybe it's because I'm more mature now or smarter though so who knows. What I can say (observed anyway) is something sort of surprising to me. I live in a neighborhood of a city that is known for mainly 20-30s singles right? Lots of attractive men and women here. Whenever I see couples (I'm assuming that they are couples based on seeing physical affection) they are either average looking, on the same scale lookswise, or I've seen the more attractive man with a less attractive woman (many people insist you see more the opposite though).
Location: RI, MA, VT, WI, IL, CA, IN (that one sucked), KY
41,938 posts, read 36,920,441 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Chowhound
Well, not to belabor the point but it was a ny times article citing the census bureau. I will a agree that the pickings in podunkville is certainly a potential draw back in mate selection but math is math here folks. 80 percent by 40ish looks about right anedoctally speaking which directly correlates with the US census. Again, you are splitting aces and drawing face cards apparently.
Not at all. I'm just looking for highly educated people living in progressive urban areas that are single. No shortage of child free women on the dating pool. It isn't on purpose, and it isn't luck. Heck, not even close to 80% of the married women I work with 35+ have children.
YASSS! The dudes who throw conniptions about their totally awful really bad dating experience, specifically OLD, happen to live in these very areas, and hold rather conservative beliefs. Like, dude, it's your decision to live where you are with a more concentrated demographic of women who don't fit your criteria.
You can't expect to find a healthy population of mid-30s+ childless women in states/areas where women couple up and have children by their mid-25s. If you have certain criteria, it makes sense to examine areas where you're more likely to cross paths with your preferred type. That's just plain common sense.
There were quite a few childless and child-free singles in ATL, SoCal and NorCal back when I was in the dating scene. Those areas just have a more diverse dating pool.
But most of these dudes who get all bent are on the red pill train and champion some rather antiquated beliefs that aren't particularly well-suited for these areas, so maybe the culture of their area is more fitting, just not the women of that culture. How unsurprising.
Some people are in these rural areas, because they don't dislike the area, they just wish dating was a little easier. My little town is nice for my mindset. I can travel and have fun, but I like to mostly be home and relax. That likely wouldn't change even if I lived in a metropolitan area.
That's my thoughts on people living in rural areas.
Location: RI, MA, VT, WI, IL, CA, IN (that one sucked), KY
41,938 posts, read 36,920,441 times
Reputation: 40635
Quote:
Originally Posted by Drago45
Well maybe they were looking for conservative traditional women in their 20s but couldn't find them.
Doesn't change the fact that expecting people to not change and evolve is foolhardy. A woman, hopefully, isn't the same at 40 as she was at 30 or at 20. People aren't putting themselves in suspended animation until a dude gets his act together.
Just that, a concrete example. People were focusing on the wrong bit. Seems you still are...unless you're trolling. Not sure.
Yeah ... 8 years and 30,000 posts and I'm trolling
I'll say it again and then leave you to it.
The culture in NC is completely different from the culture in Miami or other major cities, which is not always a bad thing.
But by and large you aren't going to meet Miami girls in NC. So you need to decide how much that matters to you. As long as you're willing to hold yourself to the same standards you're holding these women to, you'll figure it out.
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