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Men with these beliefs don't trust women that have ridden the " **** carousel."
The thinking goes like this: Women that fully enjoy their 20's spend lots of time with really attractive, hot, alpha-male types. Casual encounters with men that are out of their league. Basically a woman that's a "6" but has lots of short-term flings and relationships with men that are "8's" or "9's." The woman starts to view the hot guy as being on her level so she won't settle for less than that. In her mind, he's just average and she's average. She doesn't really notice guys below his level of attractiveness, so she starts to view truly "hot" guys as just a tad above average; putting him more on her level mentally. Eventually she comes to realize the super hot guy (that's really just above average in her mind) won't marry her and so she delays marriage because she's not ready to accept the kind of man that's truly her equal.
In her 30's, she decides to start dating men that are more on her level. Men that she would have never given the time of day 10 years earlier. These average men are starting to hit their stride and they have no problem going out with said girl. Their fear is that if she's sowed her wild oats, she won't be any good as a wife. Imagine someone that's spent 10-15 years driving luxury exotic cars (Ferrari, Bentley, Rolls Royce etc) and then at age 35, they can only drive a Toyota. There's nothing wrong with the Toyota but it doesn't get the heart pumping like a $300k exotic. The men coin the term "alpha widow" where a woman has experienced sexual and psychological highs that an average man can't give her. No matter what he does, she'll never be happy because she craves the Superman-type guys she's used to dating. He's not the best husband because he lacks the sexual and relationship experience she has. Eventually they split because of incompatibility.
I don't fully agree with this theory, but I understand it. Late-bloomer men that don't really find their stride until their 30's are going to have compatibility issues with most women of the same age. Women are looking for the RIGHT guy whereas men are just looking for ANY woman. The woman feels she's settling and the man starts to resent her when he realizes that she feels this way. Sex is a big part of this. The woman will reveal some of her youthful escapades but her husband can't figure out why she's so vanilla now. He feels like there's a side of her that he'll never know. In her mind, she's less adventurous because she's matured. In his mind, she's less adventurous because she doesn't want to give herself fully to her husband.....yet gave herself fully to men that she was more attracted to in her youth.
It feels like the OP is doing the exact same things you're assigning to the woman in this scenario.
According to Youtuber Derek Jackson, he posted 7 reasons why to date a single mother. I had to laugh at 6 out of the 7 reasons. I even had to do a response video because 1 single moms are broke, some single moms don't cook, some single moms don't own their own place or have their own place, some single moms do run out on you, single moms do go to night clubs and party. I will post the reasons right now.
The key word here is "some"... I am none of these things. :-)
I'm also not the stereotypical "waffle house single mom"... as my very successful, heavily insured husband died. I'm set. I just need a partner to help me, and throw a lil lovin' my way and I'll be all good :-)
Doesn't change the fact that expecting people to not change and evolve is foolhardy. A woman, hopefully, isn't the same at 40 as she was at 30 or at 20. People aren't putting themselves in suspended animation until a dude gets his act together.
Until the DUDE gets his act together? LOL. So many people think that women can do no wrong.
Men with these beliefs don't trust women that have ridden the " **** carousel."
The thinking goes like this: Women that fully enjoy their 20's spend lots of time with really attractive, hot, alpha-male types. Casual encounters with men that are out of their league. Basically a woman that's a "6" but has lots of short-term flings and relationships with men that are "8's" or "9's." The woman starts to view the hot guy as being on her level so she won't settle for less than that. In her mind, he's just average and she's average. She doesn't really notice guys below his level of attractiveness, so she starts to view truly "hot" guys as just a tad above average; putting him more on her level mentally. Eventually she comes to realize the super hot guy (that's really just above average in her mind) won't marry her and so she delays marriage because she's not ready to accept the kind of man that's truly her equal.
In her 30's, she decides to start dating men that are more on her level. Men that she would have never given the time of day 10 years earlier. These average men are starting to hit their stride and they have no problem going out with said girl. Their fear is that if she's sowed her wild oats, she won't be any good as a wife. Imagine someone that's spent 10-15 years driving luxury exotic cars (Ferrari, Bentley, Rolls Royce etc) and then at age 35, they can only drive a Toyota. There's nothing wrong with the Toyota but it doesn't get the heart pumping like a $300k exotic. The men coin the term "alpha widow" where a woman has experienced sexual and psychological highs that an average man can't give her. No matter what he does, she'll never be happy because she craves the Superman-type guys she's used to dating. He's not the best husband because he lacks the sexual and relationship experience she has. Eventually they split because of incompatibility.
I don't fully agree with this theory, but I understand it. Late-bloomer men that don't really find their stride until their 30's are going to have compatibility issues with most women of the same age. Women are looking for the RIGHT guy whereas men are just looking for ANY woman. The woman feels she's settling and the man starts to resent her when he realizes that she feels this way. Sex is a big part of this. The woman will reveal some of her youthful escapades but her husband can't figure out why she's so vanilla now. He feels like there's a side of her that he'll never know. In her mind, she's less adventurous because she's matured. In his mind, she's less adventurous because she doesn't want to give herself fully to her husband.....yet gave herself fully to men that she was more attracted to in her youth.
Location: RI, MA, VT, WI, IL, CA, IN (that one sucked), KY
41,936 posts, read 36,962,945 times
Reputation: 40635
Quote:
Originally Posted by Drago45
Until the DUDE gets his act together? LOL. So many people think that women can do no wrong.
Why else wouldn't he be dating in his 20s? I only had a few girlfriends in my 20s, and I wasn't cool, wasn't in great shape, not very good looking and didn't earn much, and these were babes. I'm considered a late bloomer, that doesn't mean nothing was going on, its hard to avoid in ones 20s. The women were dating. The guys I knew (short/tall, thin/fat, economically well off and line cooks at pubs) all dated or were hooking up with cute people. There has to be a reason these dudes weren't, and it isn't because women weren't dating or were only dating a certain type of dude.
He is a social worker who works with children and families, so he probably knows what he's doing, right?
Damn right. As a parent you should be a positive role model for your children, with positive influence. If you knew what this woman had been doing, and subjecting her kids to, you'd be appalled.
Why else wouldn't he be dating in his 20s? I only had a few girlfriends in my 20s, and I wasn't cool, wasn't in great shape, not very good looking and didn't earn much, and these were babes. I'm considered a late bloomer, that doesn't mean nothing was going on, its hard to avoid in ones 20s. The women were dating. The guys I knew (short/tall, thin/fat, economically well off and line cooks at pubs) all dated or were hooking up with cute people. There has to be a reason these dudes weren't, and it isn't because women weren't dating or were only dating a certain type of dude.
I don't know, I guess it depends on the situation. Maybe he spent most of his 20s going to school part/full time while working shift work full time and living in a bad area for meeting people. Maybe you can argue it's his fault for being deluded into thinking the dating scene will improve as he ages. Also read jgn's post above. And yes, women tend to gravitate toward certain types at that point and many if not most are not interested in LTRs at that point.
It feels like the OP is doing the exact same things you're assigning to the woman in this scenario.
How did you make it past 'alpha' and 'carousel'?
I'm not sure what that post said, if I want to read red pill crap I'll go over there, just like anyone else who wants to discuss red pill crap should. 🙌😺👍
Location: RI, MA, VT, WI, IL, CA, IN (that one sucked), KY
41,936 posts, read 36,962,945 times
Reputation: 40635
Quote:
Originally Posted by Drago45
Maybe he spent most of his 20s going to school part/full time while working shift work full time and living in a bad area for meeting people. Also read jgn's post above. And yes, women tend to gravitate toward certain types at that point and many if not most are not interested in LTRs at that point.
Went to undergrad and grad school in my 20s. No problem. Knew plenty of people working shift work, from bartending to restocking supermarket shelves 11pm - 7a, no problem. All dated. If someone didn't have the time to date, or didn't want to make the time to date, they should accept they made a personal choice and stop blaming others for not waiting around for them.
Living in a bad area to meet people is a personal choice.
And no, women are not a monolithic group that gravitate to one type, or one look, or one relationship type. That's just BS excuse making and not taking responsibility for oneself.
JGNs post just shows the mindset some dysfunctional dudes have. It's not reality. You notice is starts with him saying these guys that do not trust women. Well damn, if you don't trust someone, why the heck would you consider dating them? Those dudes need help.
I'm not sure what that post said, if I want to read red pill crap I'll go over there, just like anyone else who wants to discuss red pill crap should. 🙌😺👍
I have a VERY strong stomach.
I know. I have no clue how any somewhat intelligent guy could actually fall for that crap. It's disheartening.
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