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Old 06-07-2017, 11:04 PM
 
8,781 posts, read 9,427,520 times
Reputation: 9548

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Quote:
Originally Posted by Mikala43 View Post
I guess I'm a little confused on the symptoms you had before the accident and then the ones that were added post accident, but I guess the bottom line question is:

Why do you stay with him?
Pretty much.

 
Old 06-07-2017, 11:30 PM
 
Location: In the cold, dark wasteland of eternity...
926 posts, read 671,631 times
Reputation: 1525
I know it may not be easy for you to just leave him (or kick him out) as everyone else is suggesting that you do. However, at the same time, it would be wayyy better for you to LEAVE HIM (move OUT) and be ALONE than to put up with his passive-aggressive and narcissistic/sociopathic behavior. I mean, seriously.

Just DO IT. MOVE OUT. Find a little place of your own WHEN you've saved up enough $$ - OR, if he moved in with YOU, give him a 30 Day Notice and tell HIM to move out.

Trust me, you'll be MUCH BETTER OFF.
 
Old 06-08-2017, 01:43 AM
 
33,387 posts, read 34,745,522 times
Reputation: 20030
Quote:
Originally Posted by Bungalove View Post
I'll give you a short reply though - you need to get a new boyfriend!
Quote:
Originally Posted by usayit View Post
Boyfriend should make you feel good about yourself....
Quote:
Originally Posted by ChessieMom View Post
Why are you still with him?
Quote:
Originally Posted by bellakin123 View Post
I agree!


OP, I'm sorry you're going through that pain


Has he been with you to your doctor appointments? Maybe he actually does need someone to explain it to him. Were you dating him at the time of your accident?
i agree with these and others, your "boyfriend" is a jackass and needs to go away. or oyu could offer to give him the same injuries you had and see how he feels after he "recovers".
 
Old 06-08-2017, 03:17 AM
 
Location: Florida
23,162 posts, read 26,118,923 times
Reputation: 27898
I know this is going to sound rough but facts are facts.


It takes an extraordinary man to deal with someone in your condition.
Your boyfriend is not only not extraordinary, he's also insensitive and sounds even cruel.
A longer term very loving relationship might be able to deal with what becomes more of a caretaker situation but many times, that doesn't work out either. It's very difficult to accept what is, in fact, the loss of much of what you had.
If he is like this now, it doesn't sound like you probably had much to begin with.


The advice of "find another man" is unfortunately pretty much of a joke.
While most men would probably a lot more humane and understanding about it, how many do you think would voluntarily go into it?


My daughter is physically as much of a mess as you are and figured out a long time ago that she is simply not able to be a desirable partner in any kind of normal relationship and has learned to live by and for herself.


I hope, at the very least, you do, too. You have more than enough to deal with without having to put up with someone that makes every day worse, not better.
 
Old 06-08-2017, 04:28 AM
 
13,498 posts, read 18,138,198 times
Reputation: 37885
I have an metal prosthesis that is screwed into my spine and runs from the dorsal spine (between the shoulder blades) down to the base of the spine where it is screwed into the back of the pelvis - it has failed disastrously twice, requiring three operations to deal with it, and another prosthesis in the cervical spine, four stents in the heart, and really annoying gastro-intestinal problems, and so on...blah-blah-blah. I cite these as my "qualifications," I guess. But I do not have a physical relationship with anyone, nor do I even want one. In my judgement I have not been capable of such for quite a few years.

Judging from the OP's postings, though, she and I live at different levels of independence, and - in part, at least - that may be because I can call a lot more of the shots in my life with people and activities on any given day. I have a good deal of pain/pains, but I really enjoy life. But I have had to fit myself as I am into life...the burden, the project, the adjustment, the work, whatever one chooses to call it was and is mine.

My first question/comment would not be about the boyfriend. Clearly in the OP's experience he is a burden, and given her quality of life I know that my choice would certainly be to part ways. Split.

But reading her comments, I wonder more if taking on an intimate living and sexual situation with anyone should really be in her cards. Given the array of problems and their unpredictable nature, wouldn't life be much simpler and pleasanter without the complications of a live-in lover?
 
Old 06-08-2017, 04:33 AM
 
13,498 posts, read 18,138,198 times
Reputation: 37885
Quote:
Originally Posted by Mikala43 View Post
I guess I'm a little confused on the symptoms you had before the accident and then the ones that were added post accident, but I guess the bottom line question is:

Why do you stay with him?
I would say that your comment is only one half the bottom line. The other half: Why does he stay with her?

Given that each finds the other to be seriously wanting, why is either one staying?
 
Old 06-08-2017, 05:00 AM
 
Location: Copenhagen, Denmark
10,931 posts, read 11,691,276 times
Reputation: 13170
OP, what does your doctor say about treatment for your symptoms? If there is no medical treatment, it might help you if you could think more positively (Not necessarily about your boyfriend, but about yourself).

Have you asked him to do anything in a positive way to help you? All I can read in this letter is: "don't do this; don't do that".
 
Old 06-08-2017, 05:16 AM
 
8,170 posts, read 6,018,431 times
Reputation: 5963
Quote:
Originally Posted by Rambler123 View Post
With all due respect jrt, you have no idea of her situation. Not all injuries heal the same. Not everyone can just "man up!" and move on. All we have to go on is an internet post; it is very telling when people immediately jump in to blame the victim, and then try to justify such a response with "tough love" or some other chest-beating silliness. Somewhere along the line, spitting in people's face and telling them to "toughen up!" has been elevated to "sage advise" - it's not. It's nothing but a meaningless, canned response that just makes the guy saying it look "tough" to a nation obsessed with "being tough."

That mindset is all over the place these days - get laid off? You deserve it! Get mangled in a car-crash? Tough luck! And so on... non-helpful nonsense based on assumptions, not facts, and a lingering need to believe the world is just and people get what they deserve. They often don't.


I had similar injuries in an accident 20 years ago. My outcome has been different than the OP. Not that I do not have pain at times or limitations, I certainly do not have the same level that she seems to have. And that is almost the same injuries. No two people will heal or have the same internal strength.
 
Old 06-08-2017, 05:35 AM
 
3,857 posts, read 3,132,689 times
Reputation: 4237
For yourself, apply for ssdi now, your work credits could expire. You are having serious health issues, and if they is a shortage of funds, you need to collect now!

Partners cant/wont understand, if you aint working, they expect service. Getting up at 4 am is for the birds, and i would just stay in bed. Make breakfast before you sleep, he can microwave it at 4 am.

BF does have some wishful thinking ask the doctor what stretching, etc excercises you Can do, it is beneficial and will keep blood flowing, muscles active.

Biofreeze, heat pads, warm showers all help with pain, even some light calisthetics, or a walking program keeps the heart pumping.

I would suggest some counseling, as an individual and a couple. It is once a week, 45 minutes a session, usually no drugs involved. Counseling gives you the tools , to learn how to better treat each other and oneself. I am sure your ordeal is depressing, and dynamics as a couple has changed.

If you guys mean anything to each others, i would give counseling a serious try. Maybe you 2 will understand each other better.
 
Old 06-08-2017, 05:49 AM
 
Location: SW Florida
15,207 posts, read 10,238,419 times
Reputation: 32166
Quote:
Originally Posted by txtqueen View Post
I ran a red light looking down too long trying to get the last cigarette out of the pack.
10 years with a license, no accidents and them bam I almost die in the first one I ever had.


Now folks this is an honest woman. She could have told us it was the other driver's fault but she owned up to the fact that the accident was her fault. OP I commend you for your honesty. Now please be honest with yourself and understand that your BF doesn't get it and probably will never get it. Find someone else, don't be afraid that nobody will ever love you again. One of my favorite quotes is: I'd rather be alone than with the wrong man". Seriously what is he bringing to your life? Do you need him for financial reasons? Can you get on disability? Did you get any $$$ from the accident.


Be kind to yourself.
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