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I met a couple who were into swinging and remember them asking my then boyfriend and me to their house once. This was before I found out they were into swinging, they never asked us if we were interested in that sort of thing but afterwards you wonder and I felt very uncomfortable around them... They ended their marriage after 10 or so years, I heard he fell in love with the wife of one of their swinging couple buddies.....She ended up with a doctor from work(she's a nurse)
IMO they took it all very lightly and the marriage suffered in the long run... I mean how can you not wonder afterwards "what if your husband or wife really, really likes the sex partner a bit more than (s)he tells you."..
I could never stand swapping partners but to each their own. It seems to be going on in all walks of life..
wow....now that would be a mind blowing dinner conversation. I don't personally know of any couples that participate in this.
However an older aquantence of mine who I used to work for told me about going over to some friend's house. The two couples were probably in their mid-40's and were just sitting around the living room conversing about random stuff like golf and how the kids were doing in college.
Drinks were being served. Laughs were had. When out of nowhere out pops a porno right into the DVD player. Next thing they know they're all sitting there watching porn. My friend and his wife were shocked but tried to hide it by laughing it off. But they knew in the back of their mind what the other couple had in mind.
Okay. We were out with friends this weekend for our once-a-month dinner. We're all in our early- to mid-40s, and live in a very well-to-do community.
So our conversation turned to the subject of attending a golf tournament, something the wife in the couple steadfastly refused to do. At this point, my wife chimes in, "Oh, Carol, it's not like your husband asked you to try wife swapping or something..."
To which Carol replies, "Oh, we've done that. That's fun." Then she and her husband reacted as if to say, 'Whoops. We let the cat out of the bag.'
So, the two fumble around, and finally simply say, "Yeah, we do it about twice a month with various friends." My wife and I, having known this couple for several years, just don't know what to say. However, for some reason, the conversation continued.
Over the next ten minutes, before we were invited and politely declined, we were told the following:
1) Several members of our circle of friends do it. However, they didn't name names.
2) We had been identified as a great couple to join this swinging circle.
3) A lot more people do this than we could ever guess.
Somehow, we managed to change the subject to something less explosive such as politics and religion. But, afterwards in the car driving home, my wife and I speculated on who we knew might be into this, and how widespread this actually is.
Mind you, we are NOT interested, and I'm not interested in people weighing in against what they call 'the lifestyle.' I'm just interested to know how many people you know who do this, or if you do this yourself? What has happened in the marriages as a result?
Again, no sermons or speeches on morality. Just curious if my wife and I are really this naive to not have suspected this all along.
First off, I've been to Mountain Brook and..who would a thunk it? Pretty place.
I never knew of anyone who did this, and I really think it's a sad, destructive, thing.
I know you aren't participating, but do still feel the same about those people?
First off, I've been to Mountain Brook and..who would a thunk it? Pretty place.
I never knew of anyone who did this, and I really think it's a sad, destructive, thing.
I know you aren't participating, but do still feel the same about those people?
You know why Southerners don't attend orgies, by the way? Too many thank you notes to write the next day.
That being said, it's pretty worrisome (And no, my wife isn't interested either. Heck, she's more conservative than I am). Now, my wife and I have a pretty out-there sense of humor, which probably explains why somebody thought we were a good prospect to begin with.
You nailed it, however. Now, we kind of have to pretend the conversation never happened, since their kids play with our kids. What's more, we're having to scrutinize a fairly broad circle of friends, wondering who's riding the baloney pony with whom on Saturday night.
I think we're probably going to ignore the entire conversation. They were our friends before it took place. If they bring it up again, we'll offer a more blunt refusal.
I can't help but think if porn wasn't in the mix, fewer people would think of doing something like this. Call me a prude but its not something I could indulge in.
I know people that do. Our old neighbors did. They had one couple they "exchanged" with. We all knew it and knew that even the wives were into each other even when the husbands were not around. When we first met them there were 3 couples but one kind of "moved on" but about once a year or so they would be over for the pool party (now THOSE were interesting - after the first one us other wives did not allow our husbands to stay but for the first few hours then it was time to go home well before anything got going). They never invited anyone else to join them point blank but there were hints dropped to a few of us. I guess my personality is the type kind of what your describing......... I'm not going to be TERRIBLY offended by it and spout off that I am. Rather I may joke with them and go about it in a humorous way nicely. More of a "tease" but with them knowing I'm okay with THEM doing it just not in joining them or being present. We have some very close friends and we will say things but it is NOT because we are interested in that at all. We are all just really good friends w/ a sense of humor that can give each other a hard time and no one gets offended. And NONE of us have seen the others nude. I told one of them there is no way in hades that I'd go topless if he was around and we are VERY GOOD friends too. He knows I do and we can rib each other about it in good fun.
One of the couples (not our neighbors) we all knew their marriage was on the rocks at one point but I think they got it back together. It had more to do w/ the wife and just her WHOLE attitude and not the swinging/swapping. Her mothering instincts were NOT in check either .
There was a recent news story here in the Dallas area about a "sex club" at a residential house in another suburb. The two owners of the house were enough to make anyone that was VAGUELY interested not be......... ewww. NASTY!!!! These were not the prim and proper you would NEVER guess they were into it types. This was more the "who in their right mind would even do THAT with them". Even before the city council they were very unprofessional and just plain nasty looking.
I believe porn introduces all kinds of ideas into peoples lives that on their own, they would not have considered.
Spouse and partner swapping is only one of the repeated themes glorified by pornography.
Porn encourages people to think of the sexual act in more and more casual ways to the point where some give it as much thought as shaking hands.
And, I don't believe that porn has very much to do with this sort of stuff. It's more a question of "word of mouth", like the OP experienced.
At least, that's been my own personal experience.
But, yes, I know that some people simply cannot dissociate porn from all of the other "perceived evils" of sexuality. And I believe that's truly unfortunate.
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- after the first one us other wives did not allow our husbands to stay but for the first few hours then it was time to go home well before anything got going). They never invited anyone else to join them point blank but there were hints dropped to a few of us. I guess my personality is the type kind of what your describing......... I'm not going to be TERRIBLY offended by it and spout off that I am. Rather I may joke with them and go about it in a humorous way nicely. More of a "tease" but with them knowing I'm okay with THEM doing it just not in joining them or being present. We have some very close friends and we will say things but it is NOT because we are interested in that at all. We are all just really good friends w/ a sense of humor that can give each other a hard time and no one gets offended. And NONE of us have seen the others nude. I told one of them there is no way in hades that I'd go topless if he was around and we are VERY GOOD friends too. He knows I do and we can rib each other about it in good fun. 
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