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Forget all that blather about "needing space" and "being afraid of rushing things".
It's almost a certainty that she has somebody else in the wings. It might be a new guy she's smitten about or an old flame. Doesn't mean she doesn't like you at all but she just doesn't like you enough to forego the other person.
This may or may not work out to your benefit. How thick is your skin and how much patience do you have?
Forget all that blather about "needing space" and "being afraid of rushing things".
It's almost a certainty that she has somebody else in the wings. It might be a new guy she's smitten about or an old flame. Doesn't mean she doesn't like you at all but she just doesn't like you enough to forego the other person.
This may or may not work out to your benefit. How thick is your skin and how much patience do you have?
I'm leaning toward this. I have no patience for it. Going to take the hint and leave it alone.
Yes she is a woman for the people who are offended by this. Excuse me.
I'm leaning toward this. I have no patience for it. Going to take the hint and leave it alone.
Yes she is a woman for the people who are offended by this. Excuse me.
Meh, I used to call women "girls" all the time, some women get butt hurt by it, a lot don't. I have no nefarious intentions, but whatever. I started a thread about the use of that term versus "women" or "lady" and about half of the women got upset by "girl" even when there was completely no harm or malice intended.
So I said screw it, I'll say lady or women, but whatever. It is what it is....
It sounds to me like she was more interested in a fling or something casual rather than a relationship based on how you described it unfolding. Hindsight is 20/20 but you probably should've just hit it and quit it while you guys were getting together. Now you have nothing but mixed emotions and confusion. You already screwed up the taking it slow aspect by hooking up right off the bat. Based on how you've described her she might be the serial dater/noncommittal type. You've already seen her out with other men and she was willing to hook up with you pretty quickly. You've also described her as good looking and she's not yet settled in her 30's. That's enough to make me suspicious and I don't even know her.
And I don't understand why the OP agreed to meet her parents? I wonder how she introduced him, as a friend? Since they have not been intimate, it would not make sense to introduce him as a BF.
And I don't understand why the OP agreed to meet her parents? I wonder how she introduced him, as a friend? Since they have not been intimate, it would not make sense to introduce him as a BF.
I use to bag her parent's groceries back in high school. Wasn't like we were meeting for the very first time. She has been introducing me as her friend.
So for an update if anyone cares. We ended up having sex this past weekend. The next day she said she was mad at herself so again I just gave her some space. Tuesday she actually contacts me and wants to grab dinner to take to the park and watch recreational baseball. Good time, we kiss and hold each other for a little while before she walks in her house afterwards. Still have no idea what we are. She told me about a couple bands she likes that is coming to a town over from us so I bought us tickets for it next month and she seemed excited about that. Figured if we weren't talking then or she bailed on me I could find another girl to go.
The thing is I think she does want some space. She was hot and heavy the first 3 weeks and then when she started getting scared she started backing off with the texting. We were telling each other Good Morning and Good night everyday and she stopped that. She told me that it had been a little while since she had texted someone everyday and she wasn't use to it anymore. That she had enjoyed being single and not having to check in with someone for a change.
The thing is she doesn't need to check in with me since we're not exclusive. Not that it matters but she is the one that pursued me after seeing each other at a restaurant. She was with one of her guy friends and I figured it was her boyfriend. That night she messaged me on facebook. It had been years since we had seen other and we both did a double take. She is still just as beautiful as I remember her in high school.
I think we need to talk about it some more because I'm still confused.
I've been here and it didn't work in my favor either. We were definitely on the same page the first 3 to 4 weeks, but after having the relationship talk and calling each other bf and gf, things went south shortly after. That 5th week, I received the same thing your lady told you. That relationships scare her and she doesn't know if she was ready. When I showed up for our date, she was extremely cold and wasn't as interested as she had been before. The relationship ended the next day.
I'm not saying you'll end up like this. What I am saying is we're all going to tell you different things to do, but it's still ultimately up to her to decide her own feelings and how they relate to you. She could end up getting comfortable with her feelings of being scared and continue to want to see you, or she can give into her feelings and end things with you. Nothing you've said or done seems out of line, it's just a ball is in her court is the right answer for now. She has to figure out herself, because you can't do that for her. These situations are gut wrenching to be in, but sometimes they are just necessary.
I use to bag her parent's groceries back in high school. Wasn't like we were meeting for the very first time. She has been introducing me as her friend.
So for an update if anyone cares. We ended up having sex this past weekend. The next day she said she was mad at herself so again I just gave her some space. Tuesday she actually contacts me and wants to grab dinner to take to the park and watch recreational baseball. Good time, we kiss and hold each other for a little while before she walks in her house afterwards. Still have no idea what we are. She told me about a couple bands she likes that is coming to a town over from us so I bought us tickets for it next month and she seemed excited about that. Figured if we weren't talking then or she bailed on me I could find another girl to go.
This right here is cause to keep messing around, but never make her your girlfriend and here's why. People who are emotionally mature will call something what it is, even if it's not what they're after. She could be after a relationship, have a fling, and still not wake up feeling bad about themselves. She feels bad about herself, because deep down she doesn't know either who she is or what she really wants. Emotionally she's floating through life and having experiences, but not with a lot of outlook for the future. Life is all about the journey, but you shouldn't be confusing people you're running across while on your journey either.
I had a fling with someone last summer who was out of a divorce and appeared to just want to have a little fun. Fun we had was great, but after each time, she would start saying the "I don't know what I'm doing", because I really don't think she knew what she was doing. She wanted to have fun, but also be in a relationship, but had been married long enough that dating changed a bit more than she anticipated. I think she may have wanted to actually date me, but ending the night on "I don't know what I'm doing" just told me that she's not ready for a serious relationship with me. I didn't want to go through the ups and downs of that emotionally, when at the beginning stages of something it should actually be fun and refreshing! Not emotionally draining.
If I was in your shoes, I'd just say this woman was the person you casually hooked up with and spent some time with. Until she figures herself out, she's always going to keep you on the hot and cold emotional roller coaster. At 30, you're both too old to be on that ride.
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So much for "I need space."
