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I am. I am a very emotional person. I care a lot about people, their feelings, my feelings, and what they think of me. I handle rejection very deeply because I feel like when I put myself out there for someone its really special for me, because I am so deep and my thoughts are so valuable to me. I'm a deep thinker and value someone who pushes me to say what I am thinking and share it with them. I am so in my head and very protective, so when I am open and vulnerable with someone, it means something to me. I find it hard to open up when someone else doesn't seem to as well. I like when I meet a guy and its pretty even. We are on the same page and we are both opening up emotionally is when I can feel comfortable being my true self. When I get comfortable with someone and reveal more of me and my thoughts and actual feelings openly, I feel like I am my best self ever. I'm funny, cute, sarcastic, witty, stupid, etc... I slowly open up more and more when I am with someone if we get closer and closer, and layers come off. They see the true me, unlike anyone else. I've only been this way with one man in my life. I didn't have to worry, I felt free. I was confident, because he liked me and made it so. I was so confident he would never leave me, and if he did I would be upset, but I was so strong that I would be okay. I was so happy. Its killing me that this most recent guy faded away, because I know it wasn't me or anything I did, it was him, but I can't help beating myself up thinking it was me. I wasn't enough this way or that way. Maybe I needed to be more like this or that. Everyone I know keeps telling me to stop. He said he liked how I dressed, looked, laughed, etc... So he clearly liked me that way that I was.
I can also only be me and I like me the way that I am. I can't change too much. I saw pictures of his ex and then started comparing and it was a dangerous game. She is more plain and classy. I am more pretty and trendy. I keep now picking out clothes that are plain and wearing my hair more simple. My mother keeps telling me to stop, because plain is not me and never will be. I have now gotten over this and gone back to being me.
I guess what stinks too is I feel out of options. I'm on an online dating site. I have probably exercised looking through every single guy on there. I am currently talking to two men whom seem really nice, but both live an hour away and I just don't know if it would ever work that way. Then I am not meeting people in person anymore. I work with all people who are way older, and our clientele is way younger. I feel lost and out of options. I feel like giving up for a while and just staying single, and not looking for someone at all. Its just I did that all last year. I built myself up for over a year after my ex and I am stronger, and more stable. I finally joined a site because I felt ready to date again. I'm afraid I am going to end up settling for someone I meet online who isn't really up to my standards, because its the only exposure I am getting.
I am. I am a very emotional person. I care a lot about people, their feelings, my feelings, and what they think of me. I handle rejection very deeply because I feel like when I put myself out there for someone its really special for me, because I am so deep and my thoughts are so valuable to me. I'm a deep thinker and value someone who pushes me to say what I am thinking and share it with them. I am so in my head and very protective, so when I am open and vulnerable with someone, it means something to me. I find it hard to open up when someone else doesn't seem to as well. I like when I meet a guy and its pretty even. We are on the same page and we are both opening up emotionally is when I can feel comfortable being my true self. When I get comfortable with someone and reveal more of me and my thoughts and actual feelings openly, I feel like I am my best self ever. I'm funny, cute, sarcastic, witty, stupid, etc... I slowly open up more and more when I am with someone if we get closer and closer, and layers come off. They see the true me, unlike anyone else. I've only been this way with one man in my life. I didn't have to worry, I felt free. I was confident, because he liked me and made it so. I was so confident he would never leave me, and if he did I would be upset, but I was so strong that I would be okay. I was so happy. Its killing me that this most recent guy faded away, because I know it wasn't me or anything I did, it was him, but I can't help beating myself up thinking it was me. I wasn't enough this way or that way. Maybe I needed to be more like this or that. Everyone I know keeps telling me to stop. He said he liked how I dressed, looked, laughed, etc... So he clearly liked me that way that I was.
I can also only be me and I like me the way that I am. I can't change too much. I saw pictures of his ex and then started comparing and it was a dangerous game. She is more plain and classy. I am more pretty and trendy. I keep now picking out clothes that are plain and wearing my hair more simple. My mother keeps telling me to stop, because plain is not me and never will be. I have now gotten over this and gone back to being me.
I guess what stinks too is I feel out of options. I'm on an online dating site. I have probably exercised looking through every single guy on there. I am currently talking to two men whom seem really nice, but both live an hour away and I just don't know if it would ever work that way. Then I am not meeting people in person anymore. I work with all people who are way older, and our clientele is way younger. I feel lost and out of options. I feel like giving up for a while and just staying single, and not looking for someone at all. Its just I did that all last year. I built myself up for over a year after my ex and I am stronger, and more stable. I finally joined a site because I felt ready to date again. I'm afraid I am going to end up settling for someone I meet online who isn't really up to my standards, because its the only exposure I am getting.
My dear, you need therapy.
It sounds like your ego is running your life.
That is why you're SO worried about getting ghosted and rejected.
The best thing for you would be to get out of your head, where you so love to be, and focus outward for a change. Make concerted efforts to focus on other people and do things for others so that you don't think so hard and so deeply about what an amazing person you think you are.
It's painfully clear that you are not ready to date. Another person cannot give you the constant validation you need. You need to work with a professional counselor to understand self-worth and how to regulate your emotions so that eventually you CAN have a loving relationship.
You CAN change, and you need to, because right now, if you proceed as you are, your ego will continue to drive your behaviors, and you will continue to drive men away.
I think I am just disappointed I guess. I want to date. I want to meet someone. I am excited about it. It just gets you down when you keep meeting men and they don’t seem to have the time for you. I keep thinking that maybe it’s me being too expectant, but my friends insist it isn’t. All of their boyfriends see them multiple times a week and they go on dates and have scheduled time together. I feel bad, because I keep meeting these men who don’t have enough time to dedicate to seeing me, and I feel bad being mad at them, because they have a lot going on. But I have a lot going on in my life too, and I make dating a priority when I meet someone who seems worth it. I feel bad because I am talking to this other guy online, and he seems great. Talking to him I feel like I am talking to myself and I enjoy that. He’s trying to rearrange his schedule to come meet me around his busy life. He talks to me every day, all day, so I know he is interested. I feel bad because this guy tells me all about what he is doing when he is busy and when the guy passively ghosted me and was telling me he is so busy etc… I thought it was an excuse. He wasn’t putting in effort, and I even told him how he didn’t have time for me anymore etc… I feel bad because maybe he was genuinely busy and maybe me wanting some of his time and exclaiming that I did to him, made him pull away more to now we don’t talk at all.
I went on the date last night. I was open to it and excited to meet someone new. It wasn’t bad, but I will not be seeing him again. I’m actually surprised my friend set me up with him thinking I would like him. I don’t think she herself would date him. When I got there, he was waiting at a table near the bar. I had on a pair of tiny heels. They were really short. He stood up to hug me and he was shorter than me. I just am not into guys that are really short like that. I mean I’m 5’3 myself, so he couldn’t have been much taller than me. So that immediately turned me off. Then my friend warned me that he was extremely funny and joked all the time. She said he was very humorous. I thought it sounded nice. I enjoy to laugh, but it sort of turned me off. It was too much. He was like a comedian. Some of the stuff was funny and did make me laugh, but I almost felt like I couldn’t take him seriously. And then I also felt like I wasn’t getting to know the real genuine him because of it as it was almost a front. I really did not enjoy that. And then with the humor, what he was saying wasn’t crazy or obnoxious, it was funny, but the way he presented it was almost in an obnoxious way. His voice didn’t attract me either. It wasn’t necessarily high pitched, but it was sort of dorky. I didn’t even enjoy hearing him talk. I like guys with manly voices. It turns me on when they sound manly and a bit gruff. I was happy I went and tried it. This has been the first date I have been on where I left not liking the person. I’ve only ever been out with people whom I have a base with to already slightly like them. I felt bad. I think this guy knew when we were leaving that I wasn’t into it. But I was polite, I laughed, and was pleasant to him.
I know how I want to feel and I felt absolutely nothing with this man, and I know that it’s okay. Plenty of other fish in the sea. It just wasn’t there for me. I remember going out with the guy that recently ghosted me, we talked on the phone before we met. I immediately liked his voice. It was sexy on the phone. And then when we met in person, he was tall, and geeky, but cute. He was nervous, but down to earth. He made jokes in a down to earth way, but then could also talk about politics in a serious way. We had a good ebb and flow. And I remember being attracted to him. I remember wanting to kiss him on the first date. We didn’t, but having that attracting to want to.
I know he is gone from my life. It’s still killing me that he is, because I feel like he still has feelings for me, and I have feelings for him. It was his own personal issues that made him do this and not his attraction for me. I know I can’t keep comparing everything to him and thinking about how I felt with him. I guess it’s also a good thing to use as a base for future encounters with men. I know how I would like to feel with someone, and what makes me feel happy and giddy inside, so I keep looking for that to happen.
Part of me wants to give up dating, because of the small heartbreak I went through, but then I don’t think I should. I know what I am looking for. I don’t think I am all that and a bag of chips. I really don’t at all. I am self-conscious if anything. I went through a really terrible toxic past relationship. I was heavily manipulated and strung along. I was broken and mentally unstable at times because of it. So I feel like because of it I am a bit scared and jaded. I immediately jump to conclusions and think the worst is going to happen with people. Before ghost guy, I was so hopeful and confident going into dating, and now because we had a short fling and I invested some, and we had feelings and shared intimate time, I feel back to being a bit jaded thinking everyone is going to wrong me and use me, because he vanished. I don’t want a man who doesn’t want me. I don’t want a man who vanishes and hurts me. But I also hate thinking back to the fact that this man did want me. He was calling me and begging me to come over and see him and telling me he liked me. Everything was so good and then nothing. I can’t keep analyzing it. I think just going on that date last night made me think about him again. It made me think about how much of a good connection we had together.
I’m going to keep trying to date. I think it’s good for me even if it never leads to a relationship. I am talking to two nice guys online. One more than the other, but both seem interested so far. I asked one if he would be interested in meeting up soon and he did say he absolutely would and he even might try taking a day off of work, as he knows I have a day off too, and we can do something. He is also more than willing to come to me, which is a nice change too. Maybe it’ll work, maybe it won’t. I guess I just wish I met more guys who were willing to put in that time and effort. It’s nice and flattering when someone puts that in for you. When they do then I am more willing to open up and put that in too. I wish the ghost guy would have stepped up and done stuff like that. I was really hoping he was going to. He talked like he was, but alas, actions speak louder than words.
Bad idea. You'll just be using guys to make yourself feel better. It's so obvious.
You know, I could try to drive from TN to California in an old car that has an oil leak and needs a tune up, and I'd probably make it ... eventually ... but the thing would regularly break down on the side of the road. I'd have to keep adding oil just to make it go, and I would be very sad and frustrated along the way.
Or I could fix the leak and whatever else is wrong with the car before attempting the trip, have a nice drive and keep using the car after arriving.
You need to stop relying on your friends for advice and get therapy. I really don't like to say that to everyone here, but you really really do.
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You'll just be using guys to make yourself feel better. It's so obvious. 
