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Would that happen to be the person who is doing the cheating who is claiming that cheating will make their marriage stronger? Because that sounds like a heap of rationalization to me.
Would that happen to be the person who is doing the cheating who is claiming that cheating will make their marriage stronger? Because that sounds like a heap of rationalization to me.
hahahah what I think too... its easy for the guilty party to say it helps their marriage, probably as the partner is bending over backwards to please to keep them.. sadly..making life ideal from the cheater, instead of booting them out...so in his or her mind the cheater sees life being rosy while the cheated on suffers and worries, probably forever..dont kid yourself it makes a stronger bond.... thats something made up by cheaters..
Yep. If my wife went on a business trip and came back tearfully confessing about a roll in the hay with a colleague after having too much to drink, that would be one thing. Yeah, I'd be angry and hurt, but she at least she was honest about fessing up. But if I discovered my wife had a long, long affair with all kinds of deception involved, then she'd find her stuff in the driveway and the locks changed.
Marriage is a partnership. And, yes, even a great partner can make a big mistake. So when that happens, there is so much of value in a marriage that is worth salvaging after a one-time indiscretion.
But a partnership cannot withstand ongoing dishonesty.
Yup. My husband came to me and told me when he realized a "friendship" was turning into something more. Had he been sneaking around or I had I found out on my own, the outcome would have been very different. But that's not who he is, and I had to make sure I didn't let my hurt and my ego stand in the way of forgiveness.
my thoughts are God is in the forgiving business not me and this girl here she does not give 2nd chances for someone to give a death sentence , sorry I'm not into STD's or any kind of betrayal . this mess sounds like a heap of justification for cheating . Oh please , it strengthened your marriage ? , I would rather be without a man than to have one that cheats and guess what folks this is the year 2017 not 1950 we women can survive without a man .
LOL. Yeah, I bet there are a lot of people who feel the way you do!
This is what a lot of those articles said, that the affair/cheating exposed issues in the marriage (or relationship) that one or both people weren't addressing or were outright avoiding. I just wish people who are contemplating cheating (or have already cheated) would talk about the issues they're having with their spouse or SO *before* they go and cheat. <<< What I just said isn't directed at you, Ms.Mathlete, but at people in general.
Yeah, that's what I thought too! 10 excuses to make your relationship better MY FOOT!
These are good points and probably things that a lot of people go through during their relationship/marriage. What disturbed me most about the article I posted was that it was as though it was condoning the cheater NOT telling their SO about the affair and that, "Hey, what they don't know won't hurt 'em..."
It's not an excuse for cheating...but sometimes you try and try to talk and they just don't get it or don't want to talk about negative stuff so things escalate with the unhappy person. Again, not an excuse because you should end a relationship before starting another.
Yup. My husband came to me and told me when he realized a "friendship" was turning into something more. Had he been sneaking around or I had I found out on my own, the outcome would have been very different. But that's not who he is, and I had to make sure I didn't let my hurt and my ego stand in the way of forgiveness.
If it never resulted in actual physical cheating I think it was selfish of him to tell you. He should have just ended the "friendship" when he realized it was turning in to something more. By telling you about it all he was doing was trying to shift some of the guilt he was feeling on to your shoulders. That was not your cross to bear.
If it never resulted in actual physical cheating I think it was selfish of him to tell you. He should have just ended the "friendship" when he realized it was turning in to something more. By telling you about it all he was doing was trying to shift some of the guilt he was feeling on to your shoulders. That was not your cross to bear.
We've been together for 20 years; I think I know him and his motivation better than you do.
If it never resulted in actual physical cheating I think it was selfish of him to tell you. He should have just ended the "friendship" when he realized it was turning in to something more. By telling you about it all he was doing was trying to shift some of the guilt he was feeling on to your shoulders. That was not your cross to bear.
That doesn't have to be the case all the time.
Secrets breed sickness, and with some couples, sharing that kind of revelation with your partner strengthens your bond.
To me, it showed that her husband valued her enough to tell her something very incriminating about himself that he knew would be a cause for concern. It shows how important the marriage is to HIM, that he would make himself vulnerable in order to let HER know about the vulnerability and give them a chance to work on that together.
Otherwise if he'd just ended the friendship without telling her, he then would be walking around with a secret for the rest of their marriage, and his wife would be clueless.
hahahah what I think too... its easy for the guilty party to say it helps their marriage,
Cheaters fool themselves into believe what ever they have to believe in order to continue the affair.
There are three stages to infidelity beliefs.
1. It's wrong. It hurts my spouse and kids, but I am doing it anyway.
2. It's wrong but it doesn't really hurt anybody since I am basically a good person, so I can continue doing it. No harm, no foul. Right?
3. It's the right thing to do, so I should/must continue the affair.
I have seen people progress through these three stages very often. I heard a man, who had invited his lover to a family event over his wife's objections, tell his wife that she was "causing pain and grief for the kids and problems in the family". On another occasion a cheating wife said that to not be with her lover would be "the same as rejecting Our Lord and Savior" since god obviously wanted them together. Another woman, when caught in a series of lies about where she was and whom she was with, transferred responsibility for the lies to her husband since "my husband would have caused a lot of trouble in the family if he had found out I was with Joe".
The cheaters are that sure they are in the right. Amazing.
Last edited by Rombus; 06-20-2017 at 10:02 AM..
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Haha. More like 10 excuses to justify your cheating, Lol
