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I would not get involved with someone who had a lot of bad debt. I would make it a point to find this out in the beginning of the relationship, not wait until I was falling for the guy.
The bipolar disorder may of contributed to her depression of buying things to feel happy.Many women shop during PMS but with a mental disorder it can escalate greatly.
I don't think she shopped while depressed. It was during her highs that she did so. From what I learned about BP, it's sort of like being on a drug and you just can't control yourself. It feels good to buy something and you want that good feeling to continue. So you buy even more stuff. I went shopping with her a few times and could see her eyes light up. But it was hard to know if it was her in a manic phase or she was just experiencing the thrill that most of us feel when we buy something we really want.
I don't think she shopped while depressed. It was during her highs that she did so. From what I learned about BP, it's sort of like being on a drug and you just can't control yourself. It feels good to buy something and you want that good feeling to continue. So you buy even more stuff. I went shopping with her a few times and could see her eyes light up. But it was hard to know if it was her in a manic phase or she was just experiencing the thrill that most of us feel when we buy something we really want.
My ex was bipolar. The best way to describe it was that if he bought item A, he would be happy. So he would get the item, and would be happy for a minute, then it would be I need to buy item B to be happy. B would only make him happy for a split second then if was off to purchase item C...
I don't think she shopped while depressed. It was during her highs that she did so. From what I learned about BP, it's sort of like being on a drug and you just can't control yourself. It feels good to buy something and you want that good feeling to continue. So you buy even more stuff. I went shopping with her a few times and could see her eyes light up. But it was hard to know if it was her in a manic phase or she was just experiencing the thrill that most of us feel when we buy something we really want.
My dad was bipolar and overspending came with the highs when he was feeling energetic and confident - buying a new rider lawn mower, a new car, big vacation, etc. Then when the depression cycled around, as it inevitably did, the debt did not help. Didn't help my parents' marriage either. He was on medication that helped somewhat but it toned things down rather than completely eliminating the cycles...at least he was no longer suicidal. But bipolar is difficult to treat, no doubt and you have to stay on the medication - it is very tempting to get off it when you're feeling great in the early part of the manic phase - you have to be very disciplined.
My ex was bipolar. The best way to describe it was that if he bought item A, he would be happy. So he would get the item, and would be happy for a minute, then it would be I need to buy item B to be happy. B would only make him happy for a split second then if was off to purchase item C...
It was a never ending cycle of chasing happiness.
With my ex, it was hard to know when the happy feeling was wearing off. I think when people reach that high, they just want to stay there. They don't even wait for it to taper. I got into an argument with someone over whether bipolar is even real. In his mind, it's just a lack of self-discipline. The people who spend too much or, worse, start having affairs, just haven't learned how to resist temptation. And I think that's how most of us see people with a lot of credit card debt. Not as people with an impulse control problem, but just as someone who hasn't fully grown up. And you hear that argument applied for other things as well, like weight. We look down on the overweight person because we think they just don't want to moderate themselves.
Depends on the debt. Like excessive spending on luxuries and what not, or medical bills, home repairs, student loans, car repairs, etc.
THIS. Bad **** happens to "good people" all the time. If it's on medical bills, insurance claims, lawsuits, etc, then ican overlook those things. But other than that, I would have to consider very hard if someone's in debt because of their own vanity or status like buying the newest iphone, newest car, newest purse, etc...
Honestly, this person can be breaking even (income minus expenses would equal zero) and if one of the main reasons why they're breaking even is because of those luxury items, then it would be a deal breaker for me. I have nice things too but i am also simple. I am frugal at heart.
My ex was bipolar. The best way to describe it was that if he bought item A, he would be happy. So he would get the item, and would be happy for a minute, then it would be I need to buy item B to be happy. B would only make him happy for a split second then if was off to purchase item C...
It was a never ending cycle of chasing happiness.
I was like that too, but I wouldn't diagnose myself as bi polar. After my mother passed away, i went into a deep depression. In order to battle that, i bought myself some NICE THINGS to cover up my depression and anger. And I admit, it seemed to work for a bit, but that depression and anger comes back once the novelty of the new things wear off.
It took me some time, but i learned how to get inner peace in my life. I know this isn't a religious forum but I attended church again and I put my faith into Jesus. By doing that and allowing some time to go by, I am at peace with my life. At one point recently, iw anted to buy a new european car just to fit in with the jones but I realized that it wasn't going to solve anything and buying that car is not practical for me. Now when I buy a big purchase, $50 or more, I ask myself IS IT PRACTICAL or is it a want. I went through my past orders on amazon and I was amazed on how much stuff I bought over the years and did not even use. (to be fair, those things were only a few dollars here-and-there, but it adds up quick.
I have another good example. I have a laptop that is cracked on the seams so everytime i close it, the crack will slightly get worse. (it would take alot of opening and closing to totally dismantle the lap top but there is a noticable crack) Instead of buying another one, which the old me would have done, I don't even close it anymore. I just put it on sleep mode and leave it open at all times. It still works just fine so why waste hundreds of dollars for a small problem?
Dated a girl who would go off on her bfs for reckless spending, but she herself had a huge problem with it.
It didn't matter if is was .99c or $100. If it wasn't being put towards a bill or a necessity it was bad or wrong to her.
Her excuse for spending herself Basically amounted to "she made money so she should be able to spend it"
The double standards never ended with her cussing her to have a pretty difficult time with love. From what I understand she attributed this behavior to having adult ADHD, but my relationship with her did not last long enough for me to really invest much care towards her struggles in life.
Maybe I'm different, but I really don't care what others do with their money. I do have a lot more empathy for debt like college debt, medical, and even divorce debt. But in the end, their financial situation doesn't concern me. It's not like I'm going to marry after all. I will mention it would impact me if said person wanted to start borrowing money from me though.
I am with you, I could care less about someone Else's debt, that is their problem not mine.....then again I have no interest in ever getting a life partner or marriage or dating in general....for those who want to build an d grow a relationship with others its a different case.
She just has different priorities. Maybe she doesn't LIKE happy hour or lunch (with you).
I know lots of people who envy me for going on vacations - but then they go home to their nice house in their nice area. I live in a dumpy area, rather travel the world and have nice vehicles.
I am the esame way, I like having nice things, I know myself to know I am very materialistic!.
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