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I am in a bit of an emotional predicament. About two months ago one of my best friends (who is also gay) started to send me signals that he liked me and I like him a lot too. However, he has been struggling with being vulnerable and is scared to enter into a relationship. He's going to therapy for that now. Him and I have great chemistry. We are extremely compatible, have traveled together extensively, and we really would be a great couple. We have been friends for about a year. I approached him about the signals he was sending me and questioned him on what he thinks about our friendship. He denied he was sending any signals (which he definitely was) and that he got none from me (which I definitely was sending him). So I decided to move on, even though it's extremely apparent to me, and all my friends that he really really likes me.
Two weeks later, I met this great guy, and we started dating. The thing is while it's going great, we aren't super compatible, and he's moving a little fast for my liking. He's not out (not completely) and is very innocent and very very naive. Something I am not. The guy is an angel, and I do like him a lot, but sometimes find myself bored with him. We've been dating for about a month. In reality though I like him a lot as well, and I could see myself happy with him in a LTR. The thing is I think he is falling for me and he is falling hard. It wouldn't surprise me if in a week or so he tells me he loves me. The way he treats, talks and acts with me indicates that's the way he's feeling. So everything was going great until this past Sunday. My best friend who likes me and I like him, I told him less than a week ago that I am seeing someone, which for some reason I predicted would stir emotions in him.
This past Sunday I hung out the entire day with that best friend mentioned above. My friend was extremely flirty with me, more than ever, the ENTIRE day, and was very meh when I started talking about the guy I am dating. He wasn't like other friends who were excited for me. We had an AMAZING day and ended up at the beach to watch the sunset. He opened up to me there, and told me that he's scared, he's scared of ruining a romantic relationship, that he runs away, that he always runs away from relationships. He just wants to set roots somewhere with someone he loves. He then started to send me huge signals.
For example, I laid back in the sand to look at the stars in the sky, and soon after I did, he then decided to lay down too and put his head on my chest. He then proceeded to tell me how he doesn't want to date guys anymore. How he wants to be in a relationship with someone that he is friends with and that the emotional connection already exists. As we walked away and were leaving the beach he put his arm around me (he's never done that) and kept talking about how he doesn't want to run away anymore from his emotions. I told him I was happy that he opened up to me, and I told him I always want him know that he can talk to me about anything, that I am always there for him. He responded telling me that "He must have done something right in his past, to have someone like me in his life." I dropped him off at his place, and then got home. He called me (which he never does always texts) to make sure I got home okay and to thank me for an amazing day. This stirred up a whole host of emotions in me and now has made me question how much I like him, and I realize I want to be with him. I thought I moved on but Sunday ruined that. I know he wants to be with me too, but I don't know if he's ready to be with anyone is the big question.
Him and I are going on a four-day vacation within the next two weeks and I feel as if, a lot more "opening up" is going to happen as it will just be us. So I don't know what will happen.
So now I am so confused. The guy I am dating I don't know how I feel about him. I saw him yesterday and he spent the night at my place, but I felt horribly guilty.I felt guilty at the beginning and at the end, but everything in the middle, dinner, baseball game, was so much fun and great. And I kept asking myself why do I feel so guilty? I haven't done anything wrong?! I sort of want to open up to him about my feelings and being open, honest and transparent. I just don't know though.
Prior to Sunday, I was so on board with the guy I was dating. But after Sunday, it's so confusing, and I want to be with someone that I know also wants to be with me, but that person might not be ready for a relationship. I don't know how to feel, think or do.
Sorry, frimpter, you're not allowed to bump your own threads here. It's against TOS.
The problem is that you are dealing with one guy who isn't even sure who he is yet, and another who doesn't now who he is AND isn't really right for you. Either choice is a risk, but love is a risk anyway.
The whole bit at the beach when your friend was pouring out his heart to you?
That, to me, sounded flat out that he was talking about you specifically. He was saying he wants to be with you, not some random, other "someone that he is friends with and that the emotional connection already exists."
I could be wrong, of course, but jeesh... with the extra flirting and cuddling etc. It's pretty obvious to me.
Might have to go slow if he's still nervous and all, but if you're already great friends, and if you're attracted to each other... sounds pretty perfect to me.
The guilt you felt when you were with the other guy should tell you something too.
Sorry, frimpter, you're not allowed to bump your own threads here. It's against TOS.
The problem is that you are dealing with one guy who isn't even sure who he is yet, and another who doesn't now who he is AND isn't really right for you. Either choice is a risk, but love is a risk anyway.
You just have to go with your gut.
Whoops sorry about that.
My gut sort of wants to not deal with either one haha. The thing is the guy I am dating, has really fallen for me I can tell, to the point where I need to push back a bit. It's only been a month and he wants me to meet all his friends, family, he wants to spend the night and every night at my place. He's such a great guy, so innocent. And I am terrified to break his heart. I know if I leave him, it will really really hurt him.
The thing is I think either way someone is going to get hurt. If I choose to the guy I am dating my friend will be hurt. If I choose my friend this guy will be very hurt.
I am thinking on the four-day trip happening in 1.5 week from now that it's just me and my friend, talking to him that the door is open for him, but it's open for him when he is ready for a relationship, not when he is still in the scared/running away mode, and as long as I am not in a committed happy relationship either. I just want to validate his feelings and let him know that I do like him, and when he's ready if I am single or not in a committed happy relationship I will be ready too. I feel like that will take off a lot of pressure for us and open up things.
My biggest fear of this all? I choose my best friend, and because he's too scared he soon after runs away from the relationship, and then I lose the guy I am dating too, whom I also really like.
The whole bit at the beach when your friend was pouring out his heart to you?
That, to me, sounded flat out that he was talking about you specifically. He was saying he wants to be with you, not some random, other "someone that he is friends with and that the emotional connection already exists."
I could be wrong, of course, but jeesh... with the extra flirting and cuddling etc. It's pretty obvious to me.
Might have to go slow if he's still nervous and all, but if you're already great friends, and if you're attracted to each other... sounds pretty perfect to me.
The guilt you felt when you were with the other guy should tell you something too.
Best of luck!
Yeah, I am trying to figure it out. Like another signal was him telling me that he was more excited to go on this four day trip with me which is a domestic trip, than the trip he is doing solo to Europe for two weeks.
I think he's terrified really. He really doesn't have family here, no support system. If he were to go the hospital he really wouldn't have anyone to call except me. He told he has never had a place where he felt like he could call home. So I think he is just so scared of so much. I think our four-day trip will really open up things.
well while emotionally that's not what I want, but since they are both hunks in a crazy fantasy I wouldn't mind. The funny thing is they are total opposites. Those two together would have ZERO chemistry.
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