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Old 06-22-2017, 03:19 PM
 
Location: RI, MA, VT, WI, IL, CA, IN (that one sucked), KY
41,938 posts, read 36,838,343 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by CBeisbol View Post
Maybe it's admission by omission.

I was thinking that I spend time with people who aren't my romantic/sexual interest. My sister for example. It's not rare that I go out with her and my nephews. I'm sure that most people, who give it a thought, assume that we're a couple with our children. And, when the occasion comes up, I usually introduce as: so-and-so this is my sister, name, and this is so-and-so.

Is this weird in any way?
I don't think so

So, why is "this is my boy/girl friend" (whatever) any different?

"This is my neighbor, ______"
"This is _______, we work together"
"Meet _____. We went to college together and he/she is in town for a few days"
etc

None of these seem too controversial. So, why is "This is [my current romantic interest]" any different?

But, if it is, then maybe we can agree to announce all relationships that are not romantic, so if no explanation of the relationship is given we can all assume that it is a romantic relationship.


ETA
I wonder if the root of this whole problem are lingering misguided beliefs about sex and relationships. That's it is somehow inappropriate to admit to these acts outside of "my husband/wife"
See, I never say "my neighbor". I say, this is _____, we are neighbors. No possessiveness. Saying "my" puts an ownership on the person that many many people take offense to, so I avoid doing it. Simple enough. Not a big deal.

And I don't assume stuff about other's relationships. If they tell me, they shared, if they don't, it's not my business.
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Old 06-22-2017, 03:23 PM
 
Location: Brentwood, Tennessee
49,932 posts, read 59,754,614 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by timberline742 View Post
See, I never say "my neighbor". I say, this is _____, we are neighbors. No possessiveness. Saying "my" puts an ownership on the person that many many people take offense to, so I avoid doing it. Simple enough. Not a big deal.
Fortunately, "many, many" people where I live don't take offense at simple grammatical constructions.
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Old 06-22-2017, 03:26 PM
 
Location: RI, MA, VT, WI, IL, CA, IN (that one sucked), KY
41,938 posts, read 36,838,343 times
Reputation: 40634
Quote:
Originally Posted by Wmsn4Life View Post
Fortunately, "many, many" people where I live don't take offense at simple grammatical constructions.
'

Or perhaps, unfortunately, where you live people don't think about it and are perfectly fine with terminology that implies and promotes that owning and possessing another person is acceptable.

I'm glad I live where so many people think about these things.
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Old 06-22-2017, 03:42 PM
 
Location: Brentwood, Tennessee
49,932 posts, read 59,754,614 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by timberline742 View Post
'

Or perhaps, unfortunately, where you live people don't think about it and are perfectly fine with terminology that implies and promotes that owning and possessing another person is acceptable.

I'm glad I live where so many people think about these things.
Yeah, because in the South we have no concept about ownership of people and why that might be problematic.

I understand the reasoning and would honor it, of course, if someone told me it offended them.

But I think it's completely ridiculous, to the point that it sounds like a joke ... that my saying, "My neighbor, Catherine ...." would in any way imply ownership. Good lord.
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Old 06-22-2017, 03:43 PM
 
Location: Minnesota
1,067 posts, read 1,190,538 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by timberline742 View Post
See, I never say "my neighbor". I say, this is _____, we are neighbors. No possessiveness. Saying "my" puts an ownership on the person that many many people take offense to, so I avoid doing it. Simple enough. Not a big deal.

And I don't assume stuff about other's relationships. If they tell me, they shared, if they don't, it's not my business.
Wow! I'm not surprised that people would take offense of the word "my." I better watch myself when I introduce MY FIANCÉ and soon to be MY WIFE.
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Old 06-22-2017, 03:45 PM
 
Location: Brentwood, Tennessee
49,932 posts, read 59,754,614 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by MNTroy View Post
Wow! I'm not surprised that people would take offense of the word "my." I better watch myself when I introduce MY FIANCÉ and soon to be MY WIFE.
Look out because it's gonna force you to change your syntax and use the dreaded relationship status phrase, "This is Linda. We're married..." in order to avoid using the possessive "my wife."
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Old 06-22-2017, 03:47 PM
 
Location: Paranoid State
13,044 posts, read 13,826,471 times
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No introduction needed; she is already known.
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Old 06-22-2017, 04:04 PM
 
Location: Minnesota
1,067 posts, read 1,190,538 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Wmsn4Life View Post
Look out because it's gonna force you to change your syntax and use the dreaded relationship status phrase, "This is Linda. We're married..." in order to avoid using the possessive "my wife."
Ha right! Danielle, my fiancé...oops...Danielle, the person I am about to marry soon, is also taking my last name. Strike 2 for me
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Old 06-22-2017, 04:06 PM
 
14,294 posts, read 13,157,398 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by timberline742 View Post
See, I never say "my neighbor". I say, this is _____, we are neighbors. No possessiveness. Saying "my" puts an ownership on the person that many many people take offense to, so I avoid doing it. Simple enough. Not a big deal.

And I don't assume stuff about other's relationships. If they tell me, they shared, if they don't, it's not my business.
Your not owning the person but the neighborship.
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Old 06-22-2017, 08:13 PM
 
Location: Middle America
37,409 posts, read 53,412,743 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Wmsn4Life View Post
IMHO, "leaving it for folks to figure out" just adds unnecessary intrigue.

If I'm at a neighborhood party where I don't know everyone but am trying to get to know people and I walk up to the buffet table where a man and woman are standing, it sure would make my night easier if they would say, "Hey, Wmsn, this is my girlfriend Anne..." or "This is my next-door neighbor Anne ..." so I don't have to either 1) wonder (and make assumptions) or 2) press the issue by asking more questions just for clarification, not out of nosiness.

If it really isn't a big deal, then just say it. No need to stand with your arms around each other (talk about "overachieving") or be cagey.

Leaving it for people to figure out opens you up to assumptions that might be more offensive than just being called "my lady."
Meh, we are pretty physically demonstrative (not public tonsil hockey or anything, but more along the lines of an arm around the shoulder or touching gently on the back, etc.) Anybody paying attention would notice that we aren't , say, work colleagues.
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