Do you think its disrespectful?

[Elvira Black]

Originally Posted by blondesexlove

Thanks a lot to everyone who replied. I really needed an outsiders look on things. I am only 19 and he is 21. The whole club thing doesnt happened because Im not 21.

Like I said, I have told him numerous times that I don't like it, and the last time I brought iit up, he got mad at me about how its just fun and games and justs posts to "be one of the guys." And then the other day, he was on the forum, actually looking at car stuff for a change, and he scrolled through the page too fast for me to keep up. There was some kind of defination that I wanted to know and when I asked him to go back he got soo mad at me. He told me "this is his website." The disrespectful thing about that is #1-Its not his website and #2-he was doing this at my house. We only see each other on the weekends, and he cant get off the site for 2 days just to snuggle with me. And the worst part is, he is literally on it ALL day. Im not kidding. When he gets to work at 8am to 4pm when he gets off. He posts allll day. And then when he gets home from work, he jumps right back on, and now its to the point where i will ask him (at my house) "Baby come down stairs and make food with me" and he replies "Ill be there in a minute (because he is on the forum), and then he actually doesnt even come downstairs.

But to clear everything else up, mostly everything else, besides this issue, is amazing with him. I dont know what to do..

I sympatize completely, but your last sentence about how everything else is ok is kinda like saying: he lies, cheats, steals, abuses me...and those are his good points (lol).

I think I know what the amazing part is...the part where you have sex or get physical and suddenly everything seems a-ok. But really and truly, it does not sound too good. But it's very hard to follow your instincts if you're in denial. Not judging at all, because I just recently went through something similar, only worse, and it's hard as hell to get out of, no matter what anyone may honestly tell you from the "outside." But I don't know how it is, and you may feel that it's worth it. All depends on what makes YOU happy rather than just putting up with what pleases him and what you have to do to make sure he is happy. If his happiness is always at your expense, you are probably paying a high price...and isn't love supposed to be free?

[Elvira Black]

Originally Posted by beergoddess

E.xcuses, excuses, excuses. Shes apparently told you she doesnt like you looking and commenting on half naked pics of chicks. Bottom line is you need to stop. Its DISRESPECTFUL. I feel sorry for her. Why cause I,m married to someone like you and have been for almost 14 years. I,ve made my bed and I,m laying in it. However I hope she reads this and realizes that she doesnt have to. She deserves better. I hope she gets it.

Yes; what I've noticed is that guys who do things that clearly hurt others always manage to find excuses and justifications and basically deny what others tell them about the pain they cause. They are sometimes too wrapped up in their own needs to really understand that others have needs as well, esp in a relationship.

I also think that it is definitely a red flag when someone in a relationship still finds the need to do this kind of thing, esp if he has a perfectly wonderful real woman right there.

The poster who mentioned fantasy is so right on...esp with the tech we have today. Makes it so easy to get instant gratification with no payback. So much less messy than dealing with real people and their messy needs...lol...

If your man treats you like just another device that he expects to turn on and off at his convenience, I'd say garbage in, garbage out.

[Nashcash23]

Originally Posted by blondesexlove

I've been with my boyfriend for 1 year and 8 months now and sometimes he does things that really hurt me, even though I've told him over and over again that it does.

He joined a forum for cars a while back and just recently I went onto the website to see what it was all about. I went into some off topic forums and saw a bunch of posts of naked chicks. He posted comments on them saying how sexy they were and using those "drooling" smily faces. Anyways I have told him time and time again that it hurts me, but he always says it just fun and games. So after I confronted him about it, I see that he is still on forums where guys post naked pictures of there ex's and he was asking the guys on there to send more pics of the girls. And hes been going on websites and voting on "which chick is hottest" and stuff like that.

I just dont know if I am being overly sensitive, or if anyone agrees that it is slighly disrespectful... especially because I have told him time and time again that it bothers me. What does everyone else think?

I'm a man in my early 30's. When I was in my 20's, then only time that I would look at pics of nude women was when I was single. During the times that I was in relationships, those nude pics would go to the back of my closet. They would go to the back of my closet b/c I had a woman to look at naked. Your bf should realize that he has a beautiful woman at home, and does not need women on the internet or in those clubs. I have always been a one woman man. I think you should get rid of this jack***, if you have not already. That is just my two cents.

[leslie_downs]

Originally Posted by Elmonellie

If I had 1 billion $$$ I would bet your bf still buys, views and enjoys porn as much or more than he did before you nagged him into saying he "gave it up". He is just hiding it now...and probably resenting you for making him feel like a little boy that has to hide dirty things from his mommy. Ask any man if I am wrong in my guess.

wow what a stupid **** i am. i definitely should have listened to you...a complete stranger, rather than my bf. after you posted this i went and asked my bf if he's looked at porn....he still said no, so claiming like 5 months of no looking at it. then i drop him off at his apartment on sunday to come and find out on his computer that hes definitely been going behind my back, watching it...doing his thing, then lying to me about it for 5 months straight. SOOO i say if you ever catch a dude looking at porn, nuds or anything disresepctful like that you dont like, then break up with them because they're NOT going to stop, no matter how much they say they love you - they love themselves and their desires more. hopefully you all catch it early on, rather than like i am now, where hes the love of my life and i had planned to spend the rest of my life with him..

[Swanhild]

If that girlfriend of yours seriously expects you to never acknowledge that some other women are more attractive than her, in act if she expects you to never find another woman attractive just because you are in a rlationship, then she will never be happy - not with you or with anybody else. You are not doing anything wrong, you're just a normal, healthy male who finds women attractive and likes looking at them. Your girlfriend is the one with the problem - she needs to sort out her inferiority complex and join the real world.

Men, however happy they are with someone, will always appreciate other beautiful women, and vice versa. Tell this jealous girlfriend to build a bridge and get over it!

Originally Posted by ShanesG

Hello all.
I'm the OP's BF. And i understand where alot of the posters are coming from. BUT, you are also doing alot of assuming. First of all i just want to say that i love my GF very much. Also, dispite what you may believe about this situation, i would NEVER, and i mean NEVER post a pic of my GF, or ex-GF for that matter on the internet. Reguardless of what she may or may not have done to me(aside from cheating) I cannot control what others choose to do with pictures they may have of their gf/ex-gf.

Also as far as the clubbing thing goes.....I personally invite my gf EVERY time i'm thinking about going to a club. They aren't 21+, they are 18+ so she can go, just usually she works that night(usually falls on thursday nights) And you may also choose to believe that im not just going to "chill" with my buddy/ies, but in 100% honesty, that is all im doing(I'm not the "bar" type) Have i EVER gone to a club w/o her??? NO!! Why?? Because she feels uncomfortable with me going. So i don't go, and that is 1 thing that REALLY bothers me. My friend is a promoter and isn't 21 so he can't even go to bars if we wanted to. He has to go to the events to represent his promoting crew, and yes, i just would like to go and chill with him at the club. Im not going there to scope other chicks, or try to get a piece of tail on the side, or "see what else is out there", or even dance with them. I am going to hang out and just have fun with my buddy/s(same as you would if you went to a bar with your buddies) Am I gonna look?? OF COURSE!! I'm a male and reguardless of whether im in a club or out on the street, thats what males do, whether you're married, have a gf, or are single, they LOOK!!!

For the comments I have made, that i am guilty for and admit i do make comments about pictures of girls (NOT ALL NUDE BTW, ACCUALLY VERY FEW ARE). But, nothing more than-Shes Hot, or Shes really cute, damn she has a huge rack etc. Never do i make comments saying-yeah i'd bend her over or i'd hit that doggy style, or anything of that sort. I'm not "trying to be one of the boys" or "be cool" or w/e you may think. You scroll through threads, look at them, make comments go to the next do the same, so on and so forth, and don't even remember what you said 2 comments ago. I'm not going through the threads looking for nude pics to comment on. If im looking through threads, and see a good looking girl, i will say "shes good looking" If i wanted to look at chicks all day, why would i be on a car forum "looking" for them??lol

I am accually rarely on the computer when i am at her house, yes there have been occasions where i have been on for a while when i should have been spending time with her, but it's not an ongoing problem that i have. And i'm rarely on it after i get off work, if i do it's only for a minute or late at night before im about to pass out.
I honestly don't believe that commenting on a picture, is any diff. than guys talking to their buddies about a hot chick that walked by. OR you girls with yopur GF's about a Hot guy that just walked by with huge pecs and arms. If you say you don't or at least admit you don't think something, then you are a robot. It's only natural for you to think others are attractive, there is no magical switch that turns off when you find a GF/BF or get married, its just a satement(or in my case a comment) it means nothing.

I believe i am a very genuine person, and have respect not only for my GF but to everyone who shows the same to me. I hope this somewhat clarifies the situation a little bit more. But if you still feel i am a bad guy feel free to say.

Thanks -Shane

[Ivorytickler]

Originally Posted by Mooseketeer

Dump him. He's a loser.
You don't have a problem he has and yes he is being very disrespectful to you and those women as well.

Before she dumps the loser, she'd better make sure he doesn't have any naked pictures ofher.

[L.L.]

Originally Posted by blondesexlove

I've been with my boyfriend for 1 year and 8 months now and sometimes he does things that really hurt me, even though I've told him over and over again that it does.

He joined a forum for cars a while back and just recently I went onto the website to see what it was all about. I went into some off topic forums and saw a bunch of posts of naked chicks. He posted comments on them saying how sexy they were and using those "drooling" smily faces. Anyways I have told him time and time again that it hurts me, but he always says it just fun and games. So after I confronted him about it, I see that he is still on forums where guys post naked pictures of there ex's and he was asking the guys on there to send more pics of the girls. And hes been going on websites and voting on "which chick is hottest" and stuff like that.

I just dont know if I am being overly sensitive, or if anyone agrees that it is slighly disrespectful... especially because I have told him time and time again that it bothers me. What does everyone else think?

I think this is absolutely disrespectful and you are not being overly sensitive! Especially after you asked him not to do this. I was in a similar situation. My ex boyfriend used to drool over Playboy models and such all the time, right in front of me....I am an attractive girl, but I'm not made of plastic and airbrushed. I'm a real girl. He made me feel so terrible about myself....it took a very long time to get my self-esteem and self-worth back. If your boyfriend doesn't change, you may want to consider leaving. It's not just fun and games, it's hurting you and that should never be considered "fun" by anyone. Good luck!

[fresnochick]

Originally Posted by DimSumRaja

it doesn't sound amazing if he's addicted to the computer and it's a chore to get him to spend time with you. i've been there, done that, with workaholics (fill in the blank what they're "busy" with / distracted by: work, family, brothers, web site, cell phone, casino, whatever) it's go go go, never any time for the girlfriend

it got to where i felt like i was trying to date a married man, something that he's so involved with and distracted by that he doesn't have the energy, time or attention to put into making a relationship that works, because something else gets his prime time

Well said........can't make it any clearer than that.

[MIKEETC]

Originally Posted by blondesexlove

Thanks a lot to everyone who replied. I really needed an outsiders look on things. I am only 19 and he is 21. The whole club thing doesnt happened because Im not 21.

Like I said, I have told him numerous times that I don't like it, and the last time I brought iit up, he got mad at me about how its just fun and games and justs posts to "be one of the guys." And then the other day, he was on the forum, actually looking at car stuff for a change, and he scrolled through the page too fast for me to keep up. There was some kind of defination that I wanted to know and when I asked him to go back he got soo mad at me. He told me "this is his website." The disrespectful thing about that is #1-Its not his website and #2-he was doing this at my house. We only see each other on the weekends, and he cant get off the site for 2 days just to snuggle with me. And the worst part is, he is literally on it ALL day. Im not kidding. When he gets to work at 8am to 4pm when he gets off. He posts allll day. And then when he gets home from work, he jumps right back on, and now its to the point where i will ask him (at my house) "Baby come down stairs and make food with me" and he replies "Ill be there in a minute (because he is on the forum), and then he actually doesnt even come downstairs.

But to clear everything else up, mostly everything else, besides this issue, is amazing with him. I dont know what to do..

The last line of your post tells me you are trying, someway somehow, to rationalize his behavior. And hoping that others will help you to do so.

Looking at it from a single guy's perspective (mine), you're too easy. Plus, this is happening IN YOUR HOUSE? Oh, hell, noooo...nobody should be disrespecting you in YOUR HOUSE!!

If you still have this problem in 3 months, you are weak. If that sounds harsh, good!! I am continuously amazed how otherwise intelligent, well-meaning, happy people allow their mates to take advantage of them.