Her "Can I reschedule?" Me: "No thank you" (girl, kissing)
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I think the issue here is that some people are sensitive enough to pick up on nuance, and others need things spelled out in black and white. And I don't mean that in an offensive way - but to read that you think "good social skills say what they mean and mean what they say" is different from what I believe.
People with good social skills put off vibes that are clear to read, with other people who have good social skills. She shouldn't have had to say "I want to cancel this date because I'm too tired", after she had already said "to be honest I'm too tired to drive". To people with good social skills, they read her statement and know that's a cancellation.
Good social skills let people down and allow them to save face. That's why you say "I'm not really looking for a relationship right now" instead of "I'm looking for a relationship but you're fat and ugly and not in my league". Allows everyone to save face.
Which, BTW, calling someone rude doesn't.
This exactly.
If you wanted her to be more direct, you could have been more direct yourself. Like saying "I get the feeling you aren't so into going out tonight. Did you want to cancel?" But if you keep pushing to go, she is going to get desperate that you are not picking up what she is putting down.
I'm wondering out of curiosity about sequence of events, if the woman in the OP's other thread who no longer wanted to see him after 2 or 3 dates happened close in time to the interaction with the woman in this thread with whom he was trying to set up a first date.
If he was feeling the sting of rejection from the woman who no longer wanted to see him after 2 or 3 dates, it could have a strong effect on his feelings toward the woman he met at a bar who cancelled their first late-night date. Hence, lecturing her on rudeness.
The late-night first date for drinks may have come off as seeking sexual contact. He said he somewhat tried or wanted to kiss the other woman with whom he had 2 or 3 dates, and with no response from her, he kissed her on the cheek on 2 dates. I think it was way too soon for kisses.
Last edited by matisse12; 06-30-2017 at 03:52 PM..
She was at work, though. Who knows what happened during those 30 minutes?
What happened, she replied over an hour later from at work, to getting her car then drove home, sit down take a rest and decided she was tired to go. She also tried to be nice and considerate by going no response, only after OP texted again 20 mins later did she replied to reschedule. Yeah who knows maybe she was too tired and dozed off
I'm wondering out of curiosity about sequence of events, if the woman in the OP's other thread who no longer wanted to see him after 2 or 3 dates happened close in time to the interaction with the woman in this thread with whom he was trying to set up a first date.
If he was feeling the sting of rejection from the woman who no longer wanted to see him after 2 or 3 dates, it could have a strong effect on his feelings toward the woman he met at a bar who cancelled their first late-night date. Hence, lecturing her on rudeness.
Please...come on now! No, I was not "projecting" here at all.
The woman in the other thread was a class act. Yeah, she was not interested in seeing me but she was polite and respectful. Disappointed she did not want to continue but I am very satisfied with the way it ended...mutual respect.
My "lecture" to the flake had ZERO to do with what occurred with the other lady. It had everything to do with not putting up with flakey behavior. You can all justify her lack of concern for other people's time however you want.
Quote:
Originally Posted by matisse12
The late-night first date for drinks may have come off as seeking sexual contact. He said he somewhat tried or wanted to kiss the other woman with whom he had 2 or 3 dates, and with no response from her, he kissed her on the cheek on 2 dates. I think it was way too soon for kisses.
Yikes, I guess a few bad apples makes all guys sexual predators. I was honestly seeking a "get to know you" date, nothing more. At most I would have hugged her goodbye! LOL.
Also, in my initial approach to ask her out I specifically made two suggestions: we meet for drinks or coffee. She agreed to drinks.
Met a woman at a bar about one week ago. We chatted a few times. We had a date set up for this evening. I confirmed time and place with her last night (the night before the date).
So a few hours before our date I texted her the address which she already could have gotten on her own with that thing called Google.
After a series of back and forth texts she pulls out of the date saying, "The thing is I'm tired and don't want to drive to be quite honest with you."
So I reply with, "No worries, I can pick you up." [Note: we both live very close by to each other]
She replies: "Ok what time should I be ready?"
Me: "I can be there by 9:30pm or so?"
She does not reply for about 20 or 30 minutes so I say:
Me: "Hello?"
She replies: "Can I reschedule you sorry."
So I replied: "No thank you. Take care and try to be more respectful of other people's time in the future. It is very inconsiderate and rude."
Yes!!!Good for you!!! lol I too get tired of people's lack of consideration for others time.You did the right thing.You will find someone who appreciates your time more.
Okay. This post is pretty hard to believe. And I'm pretty sure you're clueless.
When she said, "I'm tired and don't want to drive," what she was really saying was, "I'm tired and don't feel like going out." This was not necessarily a reflection on you. She might have had a long day. It happens. Some of the posters here act as if agreeing to go out on a date is tantamount to signing a contract. What plans might have been made with optimism the day before might change. I mean, if she made a habit of it, okay, that's a flake. But someone getting off work at 8 pm and being too tired to run around town isn't. I mean, she might have felt she wouldn't be good company if she was wiped out.
But, no, you had to press matters. You created a situation where, now, she felt slightly coerced and, quite frankly, resentful. I mean, if someone has already told you they're tired and now you're wanting to start the date at 9:30 on a weeknight, that's being pushy by any stretch of the imagination.
So, frankly, you were in the wrong here. While she might have handled things a little better, you fumbled things quite badly. Sure, she originally committed to the date. But she reflected and realized that she wasn't in the best shape to go out. Wha should have been said was, "Well, if you're tired, do you even feel like going out? We can always do something another time."
Then on top of everything else, you tell her that she's being rude and inconsiderate. Man, trust me on this. She is now feeling as if she dodged a bullet with you.
Then she should have spoken her mind. Instead she forced him to pull out the truth bit by bit. It was considerate to offer to drive after she said she was too tired to, not pressing. She specified TOO TIRED TO DRIVE, not too tired to go out.
And if he was supposed to take that as a hint, she should have clarified right away when he offered to drive.
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