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LOL. I did NOT take it as rejection. I took it for what it was on face value: a very rude way to treat a person!
Please note: the original 9pm meeting time was based on her schedule and preferences, not mine. The only reason I suggested pushing it to 9:30pm was she indicated she was running late and might not be able to make it on time.
Finally, I am tired too!!! I traveled for work this week and had a 16 hour day the day preceding our date. Heck I am tired every day. But IF I make plans with someone I stick to it. Common decency would be a minimum 24 hour cancelation notice.
I agree cancellations should be done as far ahead as possible, but that does not allow for things that come up shortly before - are you saying you find something like "Just this afternoon I was asked to work late" unacceptable? Not in the particular case, but in general? I think you did the right thing but I don't find the attitude of "i'm going to get even with her for her rudeness" to be any better.
Why is it this rudeness or bad attitude from a potential date never appear BEFORE the arrangements? They're all sweetness and light until you try to meet up?
A 9:30pm date during the middle of a work week is pretty late. Sounded like she wanted to go but was tired. Don't really know what kind of a day she had or what she had going on the next day.
On the flip side, she shouldn't have agreed to go. IDK, I think she should of been given the benefit of the doubt and rescheduled for the weekend or something. I think you overreacted and killed any kind of potential relationship with someone who could of sincerely just been tired
A 9:30pm date during the middle of a work week is pretty late. Sounded like she wanted to go but was tired. Don't really know what kind of a day she had or what she had going on the next day.
On the flip side, she shouldn't have agreed to go. IDK, I think she should of been given the benefit of the doubt and rescheduled for the weekend or something. I think you overreacted and killed any kind of potential relationship with someone who could of sincerely just been tired
+1
I would have also given her the benefit of the doubt too I. She did offer to reschedule the date.
I experienced stuff like this back when I was dating. Once a woman cancelled on me twice and when she cancelled the third time I asked (politely) if she just wasn't interested in me. I said it was fine if she wasn't I just wanted to know so I could focus my efforts elsewhere. She insisted she was but that things were just so "hectic." I said that was understandable but that I'd leave it with her: that if she wanted to get together she would need to be the one to initiate with me. I never heard from her after that, but I wasn't surprised. Some people just don't know how to politely tell someone they're not interested.
Other times after a second cancellation (I never just stopped after a first cancellation because stuff happens and I actually had to cancel on a couple occasions) I just stopped contacting. I never got upset if someone wasn't interested, or too busy to try to get to know someone new, etc... but I also wasn't going to try to force things either.
I don't know OP and I'll admit by his description (if it's entirely accurate) she sounds flakey. At the same time I don't blame her for not wanting him to pick her up. Not a knock on OP, but if you can put yourself in her shoes, she doesn't know him yet and she may not be ready to get into his car with him.
Also:
Quote:
Originally Posted by Astral_Weeks
After a series of back and forth texts she pulls out of the date saying, "The thing is I'm tired and don't want to drive to be quite honest with you."
I'm curious what these "back and forth texts" were like. I wonder if they're significant to the reason she backed out.
I experienced stuff like this back when I was dating. Once a woman cancelled on me twice and when she cancelled the third time I asked (politely) if she just wasn't interested in me. I said it was fine if she wasn't I just wanted to know so I could focus my efforts elsewhere. She insisted she was but that things were just so "hectic." I said that was understandable but that I'd leave it with her: that if she wanted to get together she would need to be the one to initiate with me. I never heard from her after that, but I wasn't surprised. Some people just don't know how to politely tell someone they're not interested:
You are a better person than me. In general, I agree with what others have said: best to take the high road and not be a jerk. There was a time in my life when I would let it slide and not say a word.
I guess I am becoming a grumpy old man as I get older. It is just that I ended up waiting around for someone when I could have made other plans.
Quote:
Originally Posted by iknowftbll
I'm curious what these "back and forth texts" were like. I wonder if they're significant to the reason she backed out.
Sure. Note: she was working until 8pm. I got off work about 7pm. We mutually agreed the night before to meet at 9pm.
Here is how it went down verbatim. I texted her the address at 7pm the night of the date.
Me: "Hi. The 'ABC' bar is located at xxoo Main Street."
Her: "Hi. I'm still at work."
Me: "Yes, I realize that. Just wanted to give you the address in case you didn't have it."
Her: "What time did we say again."
Me: "9pm"
Her: "Ok, hopefully I can make it in time."
Me: "No worries. If you want to make it later we can do that. Do you want to make it 9:30pm or 9:45pm instead?"
(Note: She did not reply to the above text for over an hour until about 8:30pm)
Her: "I just got home."
Me: "Ok, no rush. Take your time. Just let me know what time you can meet there."
Her: "The thing is I'm tired and don't want to drive to be quite honest with you."
Me: "No worries, I can pick you up?"
Her: "Ok what time should I be ready?"
Me: "I can be there by 9:00pm or so?"
(She does not reply for 20 minutes or so)
Me (again): "Hello?"
Her: "Can I reschedule you sorry."
Me: "No thank you. Take care and try to be more respectful of other people's time in the future. It is very inconsiderate and rude."
Location: RI, MA, VT, WI, IL, CA, IN (that one sucked), KY
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She was tired and not feeling like meeting that night. Hardly a big deal. It happens. Once shouldn't be a dealbreaker. I don't want to be out with someone that doesn't feel like being there.
You are a better person than me. In general, I agree with what others have said: best to take the high road and not be a jerk. There was a time in my life when I would let it slide and not say a word.
I guess I am becoming a grumpy old man as I get older. It is just that I ended up waiting around for someone when I could have made other plans.
Sure. Note: she was working until 8pm. I got off work about 7pm. We mutually agreed the night before to meet at 9pm.
Here is how it went down verbatim. I texted her the address at 7pm the night of the date.
Me: "Hi. The 'ABC' bar is located at xxoo Main Street."
Her: "Hi. I'm still at work."
Me: "Yes, I realize that. Just wanted to give you the address in case you didn't have it."
Her: "What time did we say again."
Me: "9pm"
Her: "Ok, hopefully I can make it in time."
Me: "No worries. If you want to make it later we can do that. Do you want to make it 9:30pm or 9:45pm instead?"
(Note: She did not reply to the above text for over an hour until about 8:30pm)
Her: "I just got home."
Me: "Ok, no rush. Take your time. Just let me know what time you can meet there."
Her: "The thing is I'm tired and don't want to drive to be quite honest with you."
Me: "No worries, I can pick you up?"
Her: "Ok what time should I be ready?"
Me: "I can be there by 9:00pm or so?"
(She does not reply for 20 minutes or so)
Me (again): "Hello?"
Her: "Can I reschedule you sorry."
Me: "No thank you. Take care and try to be more respectful of other people's time in the future. It is very inconsiderate and rude."
I think this is fine. At least you weren't rude. She sounds flaky and uninterested.
You are a better person than me. In general, I agree with what others have said: best to take the high road and not be a jerk. There was a time in my life when I would let it slide and not say a word.
I guess I am becoming a grumpy old man as I get older. It is just that I ended up waiting around for someone when I could have made other plans.
Sure. Note: she was working until 8pm. I got off work about 7pm. We mutually agreed the night before to meet at 9pm.
Here is how it went down verbatim. I texted her the address at 7pm the night of the date.
Me: "Hi. The 'ABC' bar is located at xxoo Main Street."
Her: "Hi. I'm still at work."
Me: "Yes, I realize that. Just wanted to give you the address in case you didn't have it."
Her: "What time did we say again."
Me: "9pm"
Her: "Ok, hopefully I can make it in time."
Me: "No worries. If you want to make it later we can do that. Do you want to make it 9:30pm or 9:45pm instead?"
(Note: She did not reply to the above text for over an hour until about 8:30pm)
Her: "I just got home."
Me: "Ok, no rush. Take your time. Just let me know what time you can meet there."
Her: "The thing is I'm tired and don't want to drive to be quite honest with you."
Me: "No worries, I can pick you up?"
Her: "Ok what time should I be ready?"
Me: "I can be there by 9:00pm or so?"
(She does not reply for 20 minutes or so)
Me (again): "Hello?"
Her: "Can I reschedule you sorry."
Me: "No thank you. Take care and try to be more respectful of other people's time in the future. It is very inconsiderate and rude."
"I'm still at work" was your first sign.
She didn't want to go . It was 9:30 on a weeknight. She said she was tired and you ignored it and said "I'll pick you up." That's why she ignored you too...
She should have been more direct but you weren't reading her at all.
She didn't want to go . It was 9:30 on a weeknight. She said she was tired and you ignored it and said "I'll pick you up." That's why she ignored you too...
She should have been more direct but you weren't reading her at all.
So, 1) She should never have agreed to meeting him on a weeknight if it was going to be a problem and 2) She didn't have to agree to let him pick her up either only to say "let's reschedule" shortly thereafter. She sounds like a flake like I said.
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