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Old 07-10-2017, 10:47 AM
 
Location: Georgia
6 posts, read 2,126 times
Reputation: 18

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My biggest problem lately is my relationship. I've been with him 6 months and 4 months living with him. I am going through some serious chemical imbalances as well from menopause. The good thing here is that I am able to process things better these days. Think about them and look at things as they really are. If I were to read into my BF, I'd say I was only a live in friend with benefits, although he tells me he's just a hard person to read into.. but no one's that impossible and if they were, it's not fair to someone your trying to develop a relationship with. . Because there's very little kissing if at all and he doesn't like to hug or touch me. He NEVER compliments me ever. I'm not drop dead gorgeous but I'm not an ugly person either. But, he has DROP DEAD GORGEOUS female friends and ex's that he show's pics of to me as he elaborates in colorful adjectives and nouns and rolls the red carpet out to exaggerate the introduction of these DROP DEAD GORGEOUS women friends and ex's to me. They are not there, it's in his phone pics he does this to me. WHY?????????????????????? Is he being mean or clueless???
When he met me, he said this, or texted it, I have not seen one sign of this yet EVER... "I am going to make you love me and when you do I'll keep you there". Then as I got to know him I started seeing that he had serious intimacy issues. I really thought I could handle this, and I would keep trying but he's showing signs of not being able to connect with me....BIG TIME.. Now on the bright side of this, we now live together and he pays all the bills and I work but my money goes to things we like to do together. He plans every trip with me, he takes me places to see bands and great concerts. We live together well. We talk like friends and watch TV together. We share a full life together, but, when it comes to friends and females and affection,It's not right and.. IT'S NOT HAPPENING. Sex is far and few and it's all about him .I know he tries but not hard enough. and he know's WELL WHAT TO DO.. That I have experienced once. . He has a friend that lets him kiss his wife on the lips. Like a family kiss, but she's not family and I find this repulsive especially since he rarely kisses me much. And that's how he kisses me too.. just like a father or mom would. Now....What might help someone to understand more about this relationship is this, He and I both are 59. I have a feeling his libido is really off. Mine is opposite. I crave him. I think it's cause he's not easy for me to get, as well, IT'S TURNING ME CLEAN OFF.. I'm getting to the point where I'm becoming very depressed and needy as a result. I refuse to act on those feelings however, THEY REALLY PLAGUE ME. And going through menopause and flashes and depression as a result of chemical imbalances in my body, this is making life so much worse. I try to cuddle up to him just to let him know I care, to let him know I'm there for him, but he acts like he doesn't need me and that he doesn't need love. But never talks to me about any of this. I probably will blow up and explode all over him one day but I don't want that to happen. I 'm just wondering if anyone else has experienced this and how they handled it. I don't want to leave him. I can't. I don't make enough money anymore as I did before we met. I feel helpless and hopeless here. But, I do want to remain friends. He's a fantastic friend but a poor lover. Emotionally he's totally absent.
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Old 07-10-2017, 03:57 PM
 
Location: SW MO
23,605 posts, read 31,467,321 times
Reputation: 29071
How does not meeting your emotional need make him a fantastic friend? Do you have the means to move out and get housing on your own?
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Old 07-10-2017, 04:53 PM
 
959 posts, read 361,491 times
Reputation: 1719
Girl, you better save your money. You're gonna need it!
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Old 07-10-2017, 04:57 PM
 
7,934 posts, read 5,980,154 times
Reputation: 5596
Quote:
Originally Posted by Alwaysfeelingalone View Post
My biggest problem lately is my relationship. I've been with him 6 months and 4 months living with him. I am going through some serious chemical imbalances as well from menopause. The good thing here is that I am able to process things better these days. Think about them and look at things as they really are. If I were to read into my BF, I'd say I was only a live in friend with benefits, although he tells me he's just a hard person to read into.. but no one's that impossible and if they were, it's not fair to someone your trying to develop a relationship with. . Because there's very little kissing if at all and he doesn't like to hug or touch me. He NEVER compliments me ever. I'm not drop dead gorgeous but I'm not an ugly person either. But, he has DROP DEAD GORGEOUS female friends and ex's that he show's pics of to me as he elaborates in colorful adjectives and nouns and rolls the red carpet out to exaggerate the introduction of these DROP DEAD GORGEOUS women friends and ex's to me. They are not there, it's in his phone pics he does this to me. WHY?????????????????????? Is he being mean or clueless???
When he met me, he said this, or texted it, I have not seen one sign of this yet EVER... "I am going to make you love me and when you do I'll keep you there". Then as I got to know him I started seeing that he had serious intimacy issues. I really thought I could handle this, and I would keep trying but he's showing signs of not being able to connect with me....BIG TIME.. Now on the bright side of this, we now live together and he pays all the bills and I work but my money goes to things we like to do together. He plans every trip with me, he takes me places to see bands and great concerts. We live together well. We talk like friends and watch TV together. We share a full life together, but, when it comes to friends and females and affection,It's not right and.. IT'S NOT HAPPENING. Sex is far and few and it's all about him .I know he tries but not hard enough. and he know's WELL WHAT TO DO.. That I have experienced once. . He has a friend that lets him kiss his wife on the lips. Like a family kiss, but she's not family and I find this repulsive especially since he rarely kisses me much. And that's how he kisses me too.. just like a father or mom would. Now....What might help someone to understand more about this relationship is this, He and I both are 59. I have a feeling his libido is really off. Mine is opposite. I crave him. I think it's cause he's not easy for me to get, as well, IT'S TURNING ME CLEAN OFF.. I'm getting to the point where I'm becoming very depressed and needy as a result. I refuse to act on those feelings however, THEY REALLY PLAGUE ME. And going through menopause and flashes and depression as a result of chemical imbalances in my body, this is making life so much worse. I try to cuddle up to him just to let him know I care, to let him know I'm there for him, but he acts like he doesn't need me and that he doesn't need love. But never talks to me about any of this. I probably will blow up and explode all over him one day but I don't want that to happen. I 'm just wondering if anyone else has experienced this and how they handled it. I don't want to leave him. I can't. I don't make enough money anymore as I did before we met. I feel helpless and hopeless here. But, I do want to remain friends. He's a fantastic friend but a poor lover. Emotionally he's totally absent.
It depends. If she is like this with everyone, then ok. If she is only like this with me but all up close and all over everyone else, then maybe she's not into me.
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Old 07-10-2017, 09:36 PM
 
Location: Brentwood, Tennessee
43,185 posts, read 41,773,101 times
Reputation: 82943
It sounds like you're not really a match. That's what the dating process is for ... to get to know this kind of thing about each other.


It's why you're not supposed to move in with someone so soon.

So ... you need to figure out if you enjoy his paying the bills more than you hate the lack of sexual and emotional connection.

And for the love of God, please see your gynecologist about your symptoms. You don't have to live this way.
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Old 07-11-2017, 04:21 PM
 
Location: North Carolina
3,262 posts, read 2,316,886 times
Reputation: 4436
You know what they say. If you love some one let them go, If they return, they're probably codependent!
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Old 07-11-2017, 04:29 PM
 
852 posts, read 370,230 times
Reputation: 1843
Dating 6 months and moving into together after 2 months? Didn't that seem a bit fast to you? Dating is to get to know someone, and takes years, you two barely knew each other before you moved in together.


Were you desperate to have someone around? Desperate to have someone support you? Because I just don't see how someone moves in that quickly and thinks it's a good idea.


And about your guy, you aren't a match. If you think it's bad now, wait until years from now. You need to leave and stand on your own two feet. It appears you are probably there for money though, so you won't leave. So basically you just need to suck it up. He won't change. You refuse to leave. So it is what it is. Sorry to sound harsh but what other option is there if you won't leave?
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Old 07-11-2017, 05:34 PM
 
Location: In the cold, dark wasteland of eternity...
926 posts, read 433,296 times
Reputation: 1513
Quote:
Originally Posted by Alwaysfeelingalone View Post
My biggest problem lately is my relationship. I've been with him 6 months and 4 months living with him. I am going through some serious chemical imbalances as well from menopause. The good thing here is that I am able to process things better these days. Think about them and look at things as they really are. If I were to read into my BF, I'd say I was only a live in friend with benefits, although he tells me he's just a hard person to read into.. but no one's that impossible and if they were, it's not fair to someone your trying to develop a relationship with.

Because there's very little kissing if at all and he doesn't like to hug or touch me. He NEVER compliments me ever. I'm not drop dead gorgeous but I'm not an ugly person either.
But, he has DROP DEAD GORGEOUS female friends and ex's that he show's pics of to me as he elaborates in colorful adjectives and nouns and rolls the red carpet out to exaggerate the introduction of these DROP DEAD GORGEOUS women friends and ex's to me. They are not there, it's in his phone pics he does this to me. WHY?????????????????????? Is he being mean or clueless???

When he met me, he said this, or texted it, I have not seen one sign of this yet EVER... "I am going to make you love me and when you do I'll keep you there". Then as I got to know him I started seeing that he had serious intimacy issues. I really thought I could handle this, and I would keep trying but he's showing signs of not being able to connect with me....BIG TIME.. Now on the bright side of this, we now live together and he pays all the bills and I work but my money goes to things we like to do together.

He plans every trip with me, he takes me places to see bands and great concerts. We live together well. We talk like friends and watch TV together. We share a full life together, but, when it comes to friends and females and affection,It's not right and.. IT'S NOT HAPPENING. Sex is far and few and it's all about him .I know he tries but not hard enough. and he know's WELL WHAT TO DO.. That I have experienced once. . He has a friend that lets him kiss his wife on the lips. Like a family kiss, but she's not family and I find this repulsive especially since he rarely kisses me much. And that's how he kisses me too.. just like a father or mom would.

Now....What might help someone to understand more about this relationship is this, He and I both are 59. I have a feeling his libido is really off. Mine is opposite. I crave him. I think it's cause he's not easy for me to get, as well, IT'S TURNING ME CLEAN OFF.. I'm getting to the point where I'm becoming very depressed and needy as a result. I refuse to act on those feelings however, THEY REALLY PLAGUE ME. And going through menopause and flashes and depression as a result of chemical imbalances in my body, this is making life so much worse.

I try to cuddle up to him just to let him know I care, to let him know I'm there for him, but he acts like he doesn't need me and that he doesn't need love. But never talks to me about any of this. I probably will blow up and explode all over him one day but I don't want that to happen.

I'm just wondering if anyone else has experienced this and how they handled it. I don't want to leave him. I can't. I don't make enough money anymore as I did before we met. I feel helpless and hopeless here. But, I do want to remain friends. He's a fantastic friend but a poor lover. Emotionally he's totally absent.
Okay. First thing is, you need to start saving up YOUR OWN MONEY so you can MOVE the f**k OUT of there. That's what I'm currently doing. Reading your story is so sad and eerily similar to what I've been going through. Your SO is emotionally (and affectionately and sexually) ABSENT. Regular posters here know my situation and probably see a similarity of my circumstance with yours. The only difference is, you don't seem to want to GET OUT of your situation - it's like you've given up with the attitude of, "Well, I don't want to leave him - and even if I did, I CAN'T, because I don't make enough money anymore...I feel HELPLESS and HOPELESS here."

If you truly want OUT of this empty and soulless relationship, you will MAKE A WAY to get the hell OUT of his place and into a place OF YOUR OWN, even if it's just a room or a studio apartment.

Good luck to you sister.
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Old 07-11-2017, 05:51 PM
 
691 posts, read 254,318 times
Reputation: 374
there are many ways to love someone. you put their needs first without having yours tromped on. if he's not putting effort in to do whats not in his convenience then he is telling you what he WANTS to be true , not what IS when he says he loves you. I have almost no sex drive and pushy horny women are a turn off compared to the " innocent" catch me catch me behavior women are capable of... however if my wife is all heated up and needs some release options for me to serve her exist weather i'm in the mood or not ( hands, mouth, toys ) and usually after all these things whatya know..... THERES my mood! .... and if my mood doesn't come about, she understands that her disappointment in that is her thing to deal with, and she does so gracefully because she is a fantastic lady who i know deserves better than me.

Last edited by mstelm; 07-11-2017 at 05:53 PM.. Reason: grammatical
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