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Old 07-17-2017, 08:21 PM
 
Location: a primitive state
11,379 posts, read 24,385,676 times
Reputation: 17418

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Nine years? What on earth?

Have you talked to anyone in real life about this? What you're doing is admirable. Young men need stable role models, but you don't need to be a doormat to your girlfriend.

Have you attended Alanon meetings or read about what the organization does to help families of alcoholics? You all might benefit from hearing other people's stories and learn to cope with certain situations better.

It's free. If you don't attend, try to read up on it and see if you (or she) can identify with some of the issues because it's not your job to save everyone but yourself.
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Old 07-17-2017, 08:24 PM
 
Location: Chicago
30 posts, read 13,457 times
Reputation: 10
i've tried discussing it with my parents, not much help.
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Old 07-17-2017, 08:28 PM
 
Location: Brentwood, Tennessee
49,932 posts, read 59,754,614 times
Reputation: 98359
Quote:
Originally Posted by coldcaller View Post
not necessarily fix, just help. She's fine despite everything, we just both worry about him
1) She's not fine

2) By giving in EVERY time you fight, you are sacrificing yourself in order to "help" them. Which in reality doesn't help anyone.
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Old 07-17-2017, 08:29 PM
 
Location: Chicago
30 posts, read 13,457 times
Reputation: 10
it only really wears me down if what he is doing/has done, is directly affecting what I'm doing with her
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Old 07-17-2017, 08:30 PM
 
Location: Chicago
30 posts, read 13,457 times
Reputation: 10
i think she's fine given that she came out of her upbringing not messed up in drugs or alcoholism or anything like that. Got through high school, pays her bills, holds a job
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Old 07-17-2017, 08:39 PM
 
Location: Chicago
30 posts, read 13,457 times
Reputation: 10
thats success in my book
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Old 07-17-2017, 08:41 PM
 
Location: Brentwood, Tennessee
49,932 posts, read 59,754,614 times
Reputation: 98359
Quote:
Originally Posted by coldcaller View Post
i think she's fine given that she came out of her upbringing not messed up in drugs or alcoholism or anything like that. Got through high school, pays her bills, holds a job
Good for her, but your relationship dynamic as you describe it is not healthy.

She may not even have asked you to step into this role, but the fact that you have shows that you don't have a good grasp of what constitutes a healthy adult relationship. Just giving in all the time is not the same as keeping the peace.

http://ww2.campbell.edu/pdf/counseli...ationships.pdf
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Old 07-17-2017, 08:44 PM
 
Location: Chicago
30 posts, read 13,457 times
Reputation: 10
what would be good & healthy?
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Old 07-17-2017, 08:45 PM
 
Location: Chicago
30 posts, read 13,457 times
Reputation: 10
besides the " not giving in"
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Old 07-17-2017, 08:49 PM
 
Location: Brentwood, Tennessee
49,932 posts, read 59,754,614 times
Reputation: 98359
Quote:
Originally Posted by coldcaller View Post
what would be good & healthy?
Did you click the link?
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