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Old 03-25-2008, 10:52 AM
 
Location: west coast USA
18 posts, read 22,028 times
Reputation: 13
Quote:
Originally Posted by miu View Post
Are you from a small town? Again, I think that getting married early is influenced in part by how you're raised. My parents encouraged me to go to college. And they also told me in a non-patronizing way that I should take my time in finding myself and exploring life before even thinking about settling down. And all my adult life, I have kept finding new things to learn about and do. Going to a library has always been a fun and productive time for me. It just seems very sad to become an adult at 18 or 21 and immediately get married and have kids without enjoying how wonderful adult independence is in this great country of opportunity. It's like an illogical rush to stop being a kid and quickly become like ones parents and have all those weighty responsibilities of raising kids and paying bills.

I kept growing as a person throughout my 20's, 30's and 40's. Heck, I am still exploring life at 49. I am thinking about going into writing or back into making music. I also want to make some art too. My boyfriends wants me to be his rally co-driver, but I would be fine just being team support. He's going to help me rebuild a car engine this summer.
took me forever to answer, but no, im not from a small town, i grew up in a fairly large town in northern california, sacramento to be exact. And I'm in to hurry to grow up, but you did remind me that bills are due next week
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Old 03-25-2008, 12:15 PM
 
Location: In the woods next to the ocean
3,967 posts, read 8,300,872 times
Reputation: 5899
Quote:
Originally Posted by miu View Post

I kept growing as a person throughout my 20's, 30's and 40's.
Me too.

And I continued growing through my 50's and 60's.

I was also married and having sex throughout all those times.

Growing, developing, and becoming and having a partner and/or enjoying sexual pleasure are not mutually exclusive.
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Old 03-25-2008, 12:22 PM
miu
 
Location: MA/NH
12,971 posts, read 21,637,992 times
Reputation: 10120
Quote:
Originally Posted by alteran View Post
took me forever to answer, but no, im not from a small town, i grew up in a fairly large town in northern california, sacramento to be exact. And I'm in to hurry to grow up, but you did remind me that bills are due next week
My parents were in their 50's when they closed their furniture business in Boston and moved out to Winters, CA. They bought a ranch with fruit and nut trees. As soon as my dad got his CA residency, he took classes at UC Davis in higher math. He now has a very successful second career in the commodities market.

So never stop adding to your knowledge base and it's never too late to change your career or life paths.
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Old 01-08-2009, 10:19 AM
 
Location: Norwood, MN
1,828 posts, read 2,298,369 times
Reputation: 846
The general state of parenting in this country is atrocious.
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Old 01-08-2009, 12:54 PM
 
2,185 posts, read 2,972,847 times
Reputation: 1875
^^I have to agree w/ that. I didn't get my first kiss until last November (I'm 20). I've dated guys before but a serious boyfriend? Not yet, my friend.
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Old 01-08-2009, 01:20 PM
 
4,838 posts, read 4,986,831 times
Reputation: 2894
Here's a link that gives an indication of the actual situation:

http://www.nytimes.com/2008/03/12/sc...n%20STD&st=cse
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Old 01-08-2009, 02:24 PM
 
Location: The O.C.--Soon, ATL
657 posts, read 1,379,576 times
Reputation: 616
I grew up in the sixties and seventies (I'm 47 now) and knew kids that lost their virginity at age 12. I didn't think it was a big deal, as long as they could handle it. We had just come through the sixties and all the changes that decade brought, including more freedom of sexual expression.

So I don't find it unusual that kids have sex at 15, however, what is more alarming to me is how they are being sexually imprinted at very early ages and what does this mean for their sexual behavior/happiness later in life? For instance, when I was in Jr. High or High School, if you wanted to see something sexual, you'd sneak a look at a Playboy or maybe a Hustler. The first time I saw a Porn movie (and relatively soft porn) was when Cable TV came on when I was in college, and by that time, I was 19 and mature enough to handle and process what I was seeing.

Kids today are bombarded with sexual images from the time they are in elementary school. And once they go on the internet, they see everything, and I mean, everything. Some studies show that an adult's sexuality/sexual preferences, etc. are often influenced by initial sexual experiences or sexual imprinting. For example, if a 7 year old boy gets a look at a woman's large breasts, he may, as an adult, have a preference for large breasts.

So what does that mean for kids 11-15 years old whose first encounter with sex may be watching hard core porn on the internet? Or even, seeing "Girls Gone Wild" commercials on late night tv? I think it has a big impact because not only are kids having sex at young ages (which isn't "new"; happened in the seventies too), but they are having "hook up" sex with many partners and in threesomes and foursomes. They see that as the "norm". Girls often have sex with other girls, not because they are lesbian, or even bisexual, but because they are hypersexual and aware of what turns boys on. This can put young girls in an even more vulnerable position of being used and feeling bad about themselves, because basically they are finding their only worth is in their sexual attractiveness to boys. And frankly, girls, like women, as a rule, can't manage casual sex without developing emotional attachments. So they are constantly riding an emotional rollercoaster every time they try to live up to the sexual standards of the day.

On the flip side, what does this do to boys? I work in Juvenile Court, and we have cases where a 11-15 year old teenage boys decide to try out something they saw in a porn video on the internet on an (often) younger female counterpart. Then they show up in our court, bewildered at being charged with rape and sodomy, because they figure that what they saw paid actresses enjoying on screen was what any girl would want too. And of course, the female victims are traumatized. And what does this do to their sexual imprinting? You have to wonder what's going to happen as they become adults. You have to hope that as they emotionally mature, they'll be able to make sense of everything they've been exposed to.

I am not trying to advocate against porn. It's here to stay. And even if parents put up every block imaginable on the computer, their kids can still see it at a friend's house where the parents aren't as vigilant. So I think the best thing is to arm these kids with as much education as possible. But it's hard. Try to explain to a teenager the difference between sex by actors produced for adult fantasy and profit vs. real sex between two people that actually care about each other. Girls feel such pressure to perform for every boy who "wants" them, that's it's very difficult to make a dent in their self esteem. And if they can't say no to sex, believe me, they aren't assertive enough to ask a boy to use a condom.

The kind of sex they are having that most of them are just not ready for, the multiple partners, the casual hookups, the STDs they are exposing themselves to---all of this concerns me more than the age at which they are having sex. I think a comprehensive sexual education program is needed, one that is grounded in reality and tackles all these issues.
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Old 01-08-2009, 05:08 PM
 
17,726 posts, read 16,708,528 times
Reputation: 17466
Quote:
Originally Posted by big daryle View Post
The general state of parenting in this country is atrocious.
I agree. But I swear I'm doing everything I can to swim upstream where my own son is concerned. We talk about everything. I mean...EVERYTHING. I'm considered a strict mom, compared to many others I've talked to, but I'm happy to report that there are many others out there like me. We DO take an active part in our children's lives. We monitor them. We teach them. We guide them. I INSIST on it, and though my son takes advantage of ample opportunities to roll his eyes at me, , he understands exactly why I am the kind of mother I am, and if you were to ask him, he'd not have it any other way. I'm far from perfect and I'm sure there are many things I could do better, but so far, he's an amazing person.
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Old 01-08-2009, 05:41 PM
 
Location: Las Vegas, NV
94 posts, read 143,940 times
Reputation: 36
I am now 33 but I when I was 15 I had my first sexual relationship and I gave birth to my daughter the week before I turned 16. My mother never talked me about the birds and the bees and it was the same for her. My mother had my brother when she was 16. I did everything humanly possible to make sure that this so called "circle of life" didn't continue. I talked to my daughter initially about sex when she was in the 5th grade. Kept an open relationship with her. Put her on birth control last year when she came to about wanting to with her boyfriend. Although others may disagree about the whole birth control thing......I'm realistic and know that she (all teenagers) will do it regardless and for me to think that she'd listen when I tell her not to, I'd be stupid.

Others may feel that what I did was wrong but I wish that my mother did it for me. Don't get me wrong, I love my daughter but enjoying my teenage years and having her as a responsible adult would've been better.

Some say we grew up together, I'd agree. She is my best friend! She'll be 18 in 6 months (gosh, i feel old) and I am proud to say I'M NOT A GRANDMA!!
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Old 01-08-2009, 05:59 PM
miu
 
Location: MA/NH
12,971 posts, read 21,637,992 times
Reputation: 10120
Quote:
Originally Posted by Fat Freddy View Post
Me too.

And I continued growing through my 50's and 60's.

I was also married and having sex throughout all those times.

Growing, developing, and becoming and having a partner and/or enjoying sexual pleasure are not mutually exclusive.
I agree. However, I had no desire to lose my virginity as a child, and to me, being a teenager is still being a child. And while I always knew that I would have sex before marriage, I wanted to wait until I was ready and mature enough emotionally to have a boyfriend. By the time I lost my virginity, I had my own apartment (privacy), a job and a car. And I always knew to use birth control so I wouldn't get pregnant. Had I gotten pregnant accidentally, I would have had an abortion, but I was always diligent with taking my pills, so no problems.

I have to add though, that the periods in my adult life where I was single, I experienced the most personal growth. Sometimes, having a good relationship takes away from important personal time. I think that it's because as a woman, I tend to get more involved in planning and cooking the meals, running the household, that sort of thing. And I do it because I enjoy it and like pleasing my man. But when I was single, I could just hop in my car and go on random road trips exploring the East Coast and looking for antiques, fun country roads to drive or neat local restaurants to eat at.
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