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It's good to know you are also considering and remember, when he brings up the idea that he doesn't think he can do a LD relationship and how you might not be able to see each other again easily...not that he's wrong, but those are also arguments to use to influence you to solve the problem by marrying him.
Is he sad about those prospects or trying to manipulate?
You know him, we don't.
It's good to know you are also considering and remember, when he brings up the idea that he doesn't think he can do a LD relationship and how you might not be able to see each other again easily...not that he's wrong, but those are also arguments to use to influence you to solve the problem by marrying him.
Is he sad about those prospects or trying to manipulate?
You know him, we don't.
I am very suspicious about everything (with or without reason) and I think that he doesn't give me reasons to not trust him but I can't help it (it's either my personal issue or just the timing of all these events makes me question everything).
He was very sad when I first told him I won't be able to go through with it. His first thought was about going back to his country so I was under impression that it was the top thing he cared about. Then he said he was upset because he is losing me and (while going back to his country is undesirable) he is most sad because of us breaking up essentially.
Right now he is trying to enjoy the time we have left. He doesn't talk about marriage and doesn't seem to try and change my mind (at least not directly, but I guess manipulation - as you mentioned - is a possibility).
OP: Our Son married a girl from China, they were long distance for a couple of years then he went to China and they got married in China and he came back to the USA and she stayed in China. They were married for about 2 years before she was able to come to the USA permanently so I know if you really love someone and want to be with them you do not have to rush into marriage. You have to be patient and wait for things to go through all of the necessary approval.
He visited China 4 times in 2 years after they were married and she was able to come to the USA 2 times in 2 years.
OP: Our Son married a girl from China, they were long distance for a couple of years then he went to China and they got married in China and he came back to the USA and she stayed in China. They were married for about 2 years before she was able to come to the USA permanently so I know if you really love someone and want to be with them you do not have to rush into marriage. You have to be patient and wait for things to go through all of the necessary approval.
He visited China 4 times in 2 years after they were married and she was able to come to the USA 2 times in 2 years.
I am definitely curious to see if my boyfriend will be open to long distance relationship. That's a very good point.
After I told my bf that I won't be able to marry him at this time, things have slightly changed. I tend to attribute it to him being disappointed, however, he says that it's me that changed my attitude and my behavior. I have to admit, it is a very different feeling when you think you'd spend the rest of your life together and now realizing you won't.
I am not as emotionally invested into this as before, and it is noticeable. What upsets me is that my bf does not try to talk about us (not) marrying, he has never mentioned that he wants me in his life as a wife. Maybe it is just him accepting that I made a decision and it's done, or maybe loosing me wasn't that important after all.
He said that he noticed things about my character that he didn't notice before, particularly, me blaming him for every small thing (dirty dishes, something broken, etc., small stuff) and that it makes him feel like a push-over. So he now speaks up every time I say something and tries to fight me on everything I say. I think this is him way to show that he is not a push-over. I never thought he was, and I did not treat him that way (at least not intentionally), but anyway, it's more than unpleasant to be around each other now.
To me it seems like he accepted the fact we will no longer be together. It was also a bit disappointing that he did not try to fight for us. I am going through a lot of other issues (that he is very aware of), and I am definitely more stressed and less fun to be around, and I tried explaining this to my bf. I think he tried to be there for me but at the same time my overall stress, lack of time and attention to him, irritability and backing off the marriage thing essentially broke everything we had. I take the blame for everything that went wrong. Just disappointed that he gave up so quickly.
After I told my bf that I won't be able to marry him at this time, things have slightly changed. I tend to attribute it to him being disappointed, however, he says that it's me that changed my attitude and my behavior. I have to admit, it is a very different feeling when you think you'd spend the rest of your life together and now realizing you won't.
I am not as emotionally invested into this as before, and it is noticeable. What upsets me is that my bf does not try to talk about us (not) marrying, he has never mentioned that he wants me in his life as a wife. Maybe it is just him accepting that I made a decision and it's done, or maybe loosing me wasn't that important after all.
He said that he noticed things about my character that he didn't notice before, particularly, me blaming him for every small thing (dirty dishes, something broken, etc., small stuff) and that it makes him feel like a push-over. So he now speaks up every time I say something and tries to fight me on everything I say. I think this is him way to show that he is not a push-over. I never thought he was, and I did not treat him that way (at least not intentionally), but anyway, it's more than unpleasant to be around each other now.
To me it seems like he accepted the fact we will no longer be together. It was also a bit disappointing that he did not try to fight for us. I am going through a lot of other issues (that he is very aware of), and I am definitely more stressed and less fun to be around, and I tried explaining this to my bf. I think he tried to be there for me but at the same time my overall stress, lack of time and attention to him, irritability and backing off the marriage thing essentially broke everything we had. I take the blame for everything that went wrong. Just disappointed that he gave up so quickly.
Classic behavior of a user. You aren't immediately giving him what he wants, so he is now moving on.
Classic behavior of a user. You aren't immediately giving him what he wants, so he is now moving on.
You dodged a bullet.
Frankly, I am still hesitant about my decision, and a big part of me wants to be with him and even take a risk of getting married so soon. But the passive approach that he has taken to this is very alarming and disappointing.
I think he has feelings for me, but I think this is not his priority. He's been really great to me, we shared a lot and never had serious fights or conflict till a few weeks ago. I had a very serious relationship before (no visa issues), and that guy tried to get us back together and did not give up on us for a long time. Maybe people are just different in how they handle things, and maybe I just don't trust my bf enough but I am definitely surprised he is not trying to work things out and go "together through anything".
Even IF he didn't just want the green card, his behavior with you now might very well indicate how he would have treated you after marriage if you displeased him in some way.
Even IF he didn't just want the green card, his behavior with you now might very well indicate how he would have treated you after marriage if you displeased him in some way.
Yep. OP, he wanted you primarily for his way into the country. I know that you really want to think the best, but that's apparent.
I think he assumed you were at the point where you was ready for it, but all in all I agree it's certainly nothing to jump into. However it seems like part of the issue is you here, not just him wanting to get married "now". It's not an overnight process anyway you have to apply for a fiance visa for him and he has to do something at the U.S. embassy in his country I believe. Income is also taken into consideration.
Did you ask him to simply wait another year or did you just say no I don't want to marry you at all? Seems like there's some missing conversations here and/or key points of the story.
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