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I've known someone this happened to. His girlfriend packed up and left the house one day, while he was gone, he came back and was blind sided by it. Hadn't seen it coming. Anyone who would leave like this probably wasn't worth much in the beginning. It's a horrible thing to do to another person.
This woman probably incapable of communicating in a straight forward way and so she was being dishonest in the relationship by not expressing her unhappiness. Or, she had been using him financially until something or someone better came along. Either one of those scenarios is not a good indication of a strong character.
There is actually a documented behavior of this- sudden wife abandonment syndrome. I read about it several years ago so I don't recall it exactly. Basically there are some men (and perhaps women) who suddenly inexplicably leave their spouse as in abandoning them with no explanation in relationships where there were no known major issues. If I recall it was explained these partners are emotionally immature, self centered and not able to take responsibility for their actions and feel little to no guilt or responsibility for suddenly abandoning a long time partner
I think this is happening very seldom.
Unhappy people usually leave clues. Their partners are just in denial - ignoring them, thinking their partner will never leave, or has no means/support to leave; or they just don't care.
I was totally blindsided almost 9 years ago after 23 years of marriage. He dropped the "gay bomb" 3 days after Christmas and there were very few clues. It's true that his behavior was growing increasingly erratic a few months before he came out, but he had started a new job that was extremely stressful and he kept blaming it on that and it was obvious that the job was making him miserable. Most people believe that a gay spouse will leave a lot more clues than that or that I must have been stupid to miss them but in fact I'm pretty smart and there were never enough clues to divorce someone over and the ones I did notice could have been explained by something else. Also, we had a fairly frequent schedule to our lovemaking so I was fooled. The only thing I can look back on and say was for sure a clue is that he quit french kissing me shortly after we got married and I went to the dentist several times thinking maybe it was my breath and then I guess I just figured that not everyone loves to kiss.
I'm not bitter about my experience but Christmas is getting increasingly more difficult for me and part of that is the challenges I've had in dating and finding another partner. My ex found someone lovely in the first year after he left and I'm still alone and I do get bitter about that sometimes but only during holiday season.
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Originally Posted by matisse12
It's interesting too how someone will force his or her spouse to leave, by for example, being dismissive or withholding, rather than do the leave-taking themselves - forcing the other person to cease the relationship due to certain behaviors by the person who wants out of the relationship.
This is true and it's cowardly but if they're doing this, they shouldn't be blindsided.
Seems as though we live in a "disposable/expendable" world today. Long-term couples, married or otherwise, breaking up - one dumping the other without forewarning. I know, I know, it's been happening for decades, but I just can't bring myself to just dumping a S/O so suddenly - just leaving and not coming back!
We've been taught that if we're not happy and/or not getting what we're deserve, we abruptly end the relationship because the grass is greener on the other side.
Well at least he hung around till the youngest was, technically anyway, an adult. You have to give him that.
No, I don't think she DOES have to "give him that"...it was an ugly thing to do to someone.
You don't even know if that 18 year old was out of high school yet or not...
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