BOOM! You're married...and told no one! (dating, family, children)
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I plan on eloping with my boyfriend when the time comes.
His family very much wants a wedding (he's the only child) but are in no position to fund it. I am estranged from my emotionally abusive parents (who told me after dropping 20K+ on my younger brother's reception dinner before his HUGE wedding that they had no money to help pay for my wedding) so we get no help there either. I have zero interest in diverting money from the honeymoon/first house for a party that would really be for other people.
It was funny when we finally announced our marriage. We were both political and legislative analysts for the state and worked for separate but intertwined agencies and I periodically acted as a policy consultant to hers. The two agencies didn't always agree on policy matters and both became very nervous and threatened by our marriage. My wife had previously worked at my agency in the Directorate. It was how we met five years before our first date. Because of our backgrounds and positions we knew where all the political and policy skeletons were buried in both agencies and they feared that with our access and name recognition in the State Legislature we'd possible subvert agency initiatives.
It was patently ridiculous because we were highly professional and at times even testified before legislative committee in opposition to one another on bills. Still, both agencies were relieved when we both moved on to other ones. Right up until the day my wife recently passed away after 20.5 years of marriage we would chuckle about how paranoid and foolish our former employers were. Even years later after we were both retired we'd occasionally run across former coworkers who were still working for our former, joint agency and who didn't want it known that we'd seen one another and connected.
We eloped. Our ceremony was a handfasting. Our witness was the officiant's daughter. It was awesome. Retro themed at a historic theatre and restaurant in downtown Sac.
Friends and family knew we were getting married, but nobody was invited. "Wedding" money was used to buy a house, which we both thought was a better use for the money than a great big party.
I've known several couples who have done this. I think sometimes it's just easier to tell people after the fact than to make it a long drawn out thing that everyone wants to talk to you about for months or a year. It especially seems to be more common with older people and/or second marriages.
It's a great idea if both people are serious and sane. Most weddings are stressful, expensive, and strangely identical. Sure some folks try to do something original, but usually it's the same old, same old.
Why on earth do you need a big audience and attendants to formalize a personal contract? It's better to get modestly hitched and have a nice party sometime later.
Sounds like our story, I'm sure that I've posted all this in another thread on here.
My wife and I, both previously married, her with no children, me with two adult sons, had been living together for around ten years.
One April/May, on vacation near Tampa FL. we tossed around the idea of getting married when we we were next there in the coming October.
I checked out the details/requirements at the Hernando County Courthouse, and when we got back there in October I bought the marriage licence and booked the wedding for the following week.
I'd already invited two friends in N.Y.C. to our rented house for a week of R'n'R and to be witnesses.
After the ceremony, we returned to the house and sat around the pool drinking champagne, then called for a taxi to a swish restaurant where I sprang for an excellent dinner.
I'd told my boys of our intentions but they were okay with not being there, they both loved my Nicole to bits, and were happy that we'd decided to marry.
Nicky has a large family who are great people, but they can drink and freeload for England!
They had no idea of our intentions in Florida, but we threw a big party for everyone, to coincide with my birthday in the November, and gave her parents the news plus a bunch of wedding photos then.
No one was really surprised, and the party was a blast.
My husband and I got married by a Justice of the Peace 1 year before what everyone believes was our actual wedding, and nobody knows except our witnesses. We were in the process of buying a house (joining a good deal of money) and I was becoming a stepmom to his 2 boys. We wanted to be sure that the marriage was in place before a these changes happened.
Didn't feel right to us to live as a family and not be married. Also protected us both and ensures that if anything happened to hubby, the kids would remain with me. (Their Mom had passed away and her family was only interested in finding out if they could have any assets)
Got married last December after 13 years of living together. Had bought a house together three years prior. Wanted to keep him on my health insurance policy, plus should I pass before him, I wanted him to have my half of the house without any sticky issues.
Got the elopement special price with a local justice of the peace. Have only told my close friends about the marriage. We didn't tell his family because at the time, his mom was going through a rough patch financially. Plus all of his family reside in Florida. His family is also big on the big marriage ceremonies, and that was not for us. My family lives in California and my middle sister has a weird obsession that I was to leave her daughters all of my worldly possessions. I never planned to, but anyway why start a WWIII type drama with my family over whether or not my s/o deserves my half of my house or anything else?
And also, as many on C-D know, my husband is 23 years my junior. And my family knows this, but not my husband's family. Anyway, it's none of their concern, but we don't want to be the topic of their conversations and speculations. Luckily for us, his family is 1,500 miles south of us, while my family is 3,000 miles west. We really have the ideal situation.
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