Do you ever feel "apart" from your children (young 20's) (boyfriend, girlfriend)

[Bette]

My daughter came home for a few days for a family wedding. We have a large extended family - lots of cousins, etc. I went shopping with her tonight and she was always texting, etc and years ago, used to say, sorry, that was Lori or whatever - now, she just does it and it makes me feel like I'm a privacy invader or something. I never say anything but it just makes me feel kind of empty.

She is more secretive and to herself about things whereas her brother is a talker.

I feel sometimes like I don't even know her anymore. Does this pass?

PS - No boyfriend (serious) yet.

[The Man in SATX]

You know.. that is the norm now a days.. Sad to say.. but I know of a lot of children who are like that now. I get aggrevated when I am talking with someone and they are texting on their phone. Trust me.. you are not the only one that happens to.. Kids these days have no respect for anything ... I for one would not sit there and do texting when I am talking to (having dinner with) someone. Kids these days will do it with out blinking an eyelash.

You could be sitting there in mid sentence and all of a sudden they look down and start typing on their little phone.. disrespectful as all get out..

[mari4him]

Sadly this is very normal even younger than the young adults. Teenagers for example. I know I have had to tell my kids... 19 and 15 to please put their phones down while we are talking that whatever it is can wait until we are done, or no phones/texting at the dinner table. It's such a common thing around their friends that sometimes I don't think they even notice they are doing it.

I think it will pass as they move further into adulthood and the novelty of the whole thing wears off a little. In the meantime, I don't think you should just stay quiet on it, however approach it carefully and with respect. Maybe tell her something like, "honey, do you think we can have a day together without interruptions, I know you're friends are important to you and all but we hardly get time to spend together just the two of us, I miss our times". She may not realize how you are feeling about it and it may not be intentionally that she is doing it. Perhaps simply pointing it out to her in a non-threatening manner will just bring it to her attention.

Mari

[cremebrulee]

Originally Posted by Bette

My daughter came home for a few days for a family wedding. We have a large extended family - lots of cousins, etc. I went shopping with her tonight and she was always texting, etc and years ago, used to say, sorry, that was Lori or whatever - now, she just does it and it makes me feel like I'm a privacy invader or something. I never say anything but it just makes me feel kind of empty.

She is more secretive and to herself about things whereas her brother is a talker.

I feel sometimes like I don't even know her anymore. Does this pass?

PS - No boyfriend (serious) yet.

Yes, it does pass....but, in the same, you should express your feelings to her in a kind way, about how rude it is to text or take phone calls while you are with someone. I think, today's generation, forgets and it is actually conditioning them to forget about how rude that is? I dunno, just me.

There is also a time, when hard as it may be, and it is difficult...you have to let them go...allow them to live their own lives...always try to remember, you had your chance, now give them theirs. She may not always make the decissions you would like to see her make, but you have to allow her to even make her own mistakes. Even if someday, you don't like the man she choses for a husband.

Even grandchildren go thru this..for instance, sometimes on the phone they are jabber mouths, and other times, they don't want to talk....we all go thru growth period and changes, we evolve...so just try and be patient and don't base your happiness on what your daughter does or does not do.

She is her own individual...different beliefs, different generation...try and understand.

A great poet once said...our children are not ours to own..and they are not.

Hugs and believe me, there will be great moments of joy coming as well as heart hurts....

Creme

[willdufauve]

Mine can text all she wants. Doesn't live here anymore.

It probably sounds cold, but when she moved out I was relieved. You still love them, worry, hope for the best for them, but it's better for all parties when the little birdies leave the nest.

[diddiyo]

Parents!

My dad was always like "Get out!"
Then I moved away when I was 18 and only came back once/twice a month and everything was nice. with 22 I moved out of the country and know
he's like "when are you coming back?"

[cremebrulee]

Originally Posted by willdufauve

Mine can text all she wants. Doesn't live here anymore.

It probably sounds cold, but when she moved out I was relieved. You still love them, worry, hope for the best for them, but it's better for all parties when the little birdies leave the nest.

I agree, what better way to teach them responsiblity...I hear horror stories from parents who do not do that....not all, but some....but the parents allow and enable their kids to treat them so badly.

[npumcrisz]

Take a phone away after your set limit of warnings.

If they disrespect u "ground" them and if they aren't handicap make sure they move out of your house!!

You as the parent are instilling in them well mannered behaviours and they must appreciate it.

[Skywings]

Originally Posted by Bette

I went shopping with her tonight and she was always texting, etc and years ago, used to say, sorry, that was Lori or whatever - now, she just does it and it makes me feel like I'm a privacy invader or something. I never say anything but it just makes me feel kind of empty.

I feel sometimes like I don't even know her anymore. Does this pass?

I've been going through the same thing with my 24 yr old son. It started when he acquired his first serious girlfriend. All of a sudden the privacy-doors slammed shut. He's fine talking to me about inconsequential things but when it comes to anything personal, or about feelings or actions or asking advice.... nope, not anymore. No information ever volunteered, etc. Does it pass? I hope so, but I honestly have a hunch it probably stays like this until/unless they have a child of their own and then suddenly realize that they need our voice of experience again!

[Skywings]

Originally Posted by willdufauve

Mine can text all she wants. Doesn't live here anymore.

It probably sounds cold, but when she moved out I was relieved. You still love them, worry, hope for the best for them, but it's better for all parties when the little birdies leave the nest.

Ditto this, except that my son lives only 5 minutes away, so he's always here for 'conveniences'. But I admit, he has changed so much in the past 3 years that in my heart I know I'm better off not knowing exactly what he's doing and when. He still lived with me during the first year of his relationship with the girlfriend, and trust me there were many noises I would much rather have gone without overhearing.....!!!!!!