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I have a friend, 26 who had been dating a woman, same age for two years, neither of them had any education or good jobs, she works at wal mart and he keeps switching jobs but has trouble due to a back injury. He ended up getting her pregnant and just 4 months later got married. I didn't pry into it but he said he and his wife just thought it was the right time, they both have lots of debt as well. She eventually had the kid and she is 6 months old and he is still trying to get a job. Just recently he informed me that his wife has asked for a divorce though apparently it at least seems to be amicable. He lives with one of his friends and to his credit does look after his daughter while the wife is at work, and there doesn't seem to be much hostility between the two.
I asked him how he felt and he just said "It is what it is". He doesn't seem to upset about it. Funny thing is this kind of scenario seems quite common. Two people get together, have no education let alone good jobs/careers, end up having a kid then soon after think getting married is a good idea only to divorce shortly after. In my friends case neither he nor his wife have any kind of assets at all though she is the only one working currently though he is getting a security job.
Though I have had past relationships I have never been married or have kids but even so I definitely made sure not to get any woman pregnant and do have an education with a good job. I just find it strange how common this kind of scenario is.
I have a friend, 26 who had been dating a woman, same age for two years, neither of them had any education or good jobs, she works at wal mart and he keeps switching jobs but has trouble due to a back injury. He ended up getting her pregnant and just 4 months later got married. I didn't pry into it but he said he and his wife just thought it was the right time, they both have lots of debt as well. She eventually had the kid and she is 6 months old and he is still trying to get a job. Just recently he informed me that his wife has asked for a divorce though apparently it at least seems to be amicable. He lives with one of his friends and to his credit does look after his daughter while the wife is at work, and there doesn't seem to be much hostility between the two.
I asked him how he felt and he just said "It is what it is". He doesn't seem to upset about it. Funny thing is this kind of scenario seems quite common. Two people get together, have no education let alone good jobs/careers, end up having a kid then soon after think getting married is a good idea only to divorce shortly after. In my friends case neither he nor his wife have any kind of assets at all though she is the only one working currently though he is getting a security job.
Though I have had past relationships I have never been married or have kids but even so I definitely made sure not to get any woman pregnant and do have an education with a good job. I just find it strange how common this kind of scenario is.
You sound sensible.
I think what you describe is something that has been foisted upon many, due to pregnancy and "religious reasons". I hate to see some forced into this and many barely know each other. Birth control should be seen as a necessity and is a waste to bother marrying, many times. It seems to me, SEX causes a lot of problems - pregnancy, forced relationships / marriages, divorce, the interfering with education or employment, lack of income, not getting ahead, the stress of supporting others. People get together for sex, then when time and interferences alter things between them and sex becomes secondary, it may begin being sought elsewhere, then may start all over again with another. Then, there is Child Support and the connection to a child for life. Besides there always being housing demands, competing for jobs, smog, etc., all due to overpopulation.
Why do people think getting married right after having a kid is a good idea?
The main issue is responsibility, accountability.
Marriage is a legal contract that implies certain court-enforceable care-giving responsibilities and accounting.
Many people marry in the scenario that you describe out of a sense of responsibility towards the consequences of their actions, i.e. the child, legal responsibility, financial, moral, emotional and otherwise.
To be sure, though marriage is a legal contract, the concept is shrouded in lots of emotion.
Sometimes the marriage lasts, sometimes it doesn't.
At the least, the legal and financial responsibility remain, marriage or not, because parenthood, marriage or not, also implies legal responsibilities, among other types of responsibilities.
In some cases one or both the parents try to evade even those responsibilities.
So what you are really asking is what do parents do to live up to their responsibilities?
What you are really asking is whether there should be legal institutions and/or other social institutions to enforce performance of such responsibilities in the case of unwillingness, negligence and/or incapability on the part of one or both?
It seems to me we live in a society where there already is a variety of tools to employ in a certain number of scenarios, but with only varying degrees of success because there is an any number of scenarios in dealings involving two or more human beings.
Are you looking for the single perfect tool that works perfectly in every scenario?
Or are you looking for a specific tool for your specific situation?
Dumb to have the kid in those circumstances but if he has any interest in getting a good custody arrangement he has a better chance in a divorce than he would have had in a custody battle as an unmarried father.
A holdover of old-fashioned ideals that baby must equal marriage.
Yes and it makes social, economic and operational sense.
I've been seeing a number of married couples whose relationship has quickly dissolved AFTER having a kid.
It seems like a full-blown trend to me. I'd have to take my shoes off to count them all. So that question is more interesting to me (why do many married couples divorce or separate shortly after having their first child?)
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