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Dating Long Distance can be a struggle, and in my opinion you have to be head over heels for that person and one of you has to be willing to make known you will move in the future. Sucks you can't find anyone closer, and probably if you did live closer to the women you are talking about, it may be different because they may be willing to not put so much pressure on a first date, knowing they can see you more often.
Dating Long Distance can be a struggle, and in my opinion you have to be head over heels for that person and one of you has to be willing to make known you will move in the future. Sucks you can't find anyone closer, and probably if you did live closer to the women you are talking about, it may be different because they may be willing to not put so much pressure on a first date, knowing they can see you more often.
Honestly, I don't know what the deal is. I got a number from a woman this morning who lives in my area. Work for the same bank, but in different branches and in different operations. We chat back and forth for most of the morning. Ask if she wants to meet up and she's like, well I'm kinda talking to somebody and I don't know how they'll feel about that. That's totally not a problem, but to me it's like why even give out your number if you're talking to somebody. I'm not going to mull over her telling me the truth or not, I'm just looking at the story I was given.
I just don't know what it is. Truthfully, it's a bit frustrating as well. From in my day to day interactions to online dating, I just haven't generated much that's material in my area. I've discussed about moving before, but I make a fairly high wage for the COL in my area, so I'm not willing to throw away the wages on just a hypothetical at the moment.
I'm sure if I lived closer to where I'm meeting these women the interactions would be different and easier to navigate. In reality, I can't lie either and say that long distance isn't hard and stressful for me as well. Everything you do in person is planned out and that can get old. It's generally why in those situations I'm pretty low pressure, because with the distance, is has enough unspoken pressure as is. I already go into it looking at this is a nice way to meet someone and maybe, just maybe, it could lead to something, but I have 0% expectation that it will.
I'm just out of ideas. I just keep focusing on my health and seeing where it takes me.
Regarding "sparks," I didn't really feel them the first time I met my husband, either. It took almost a year, but I gave him a second chance. We've been together 5 years today.
I'm one of those people who used to feel that chemistry must be present immediately or it was a no go. I changed my thinking when I finally realized that the instant "sparks" didn't often seem to lead to something more. Sometimes there's more of a slow burn.
Agreed. Not so important anymore. Surprisingly. Sparks and fireworks lead to ONS, STR, or FWB. It was great while it lasted
"However, my best friend didn't feel the same way as I did, so we've stopped spending time with each other."
I had a similar happening very recently. Could you tell me more about it? It sounds like you're saying your female friend does not like you dating other females, so because of that ,you and your friend no longer communicate (nor see each other)
Was it a case of jealousy on the part of your female friend?
"However, my best friend didn't feel the same way as I did, so we've stopped spending time with each other."
I had a similar happening very recently. Could you tell me more about it? It sounds like you're saying your female friend does not like you dating other females, so because of that ,you and your friend no longer communicate (nor see each other)
Was it a case of jealousy on the part of your female friend?
Actually it was the exact opposite. We spent time together and the more time we spent together I realized that I started to like her even more than friends. I asked her if she wanted to try dating and she declined. We kept spending time together, because I didn't want to lose the friendship. We were intimate as well, so the more time that went by, the less I enjoyed being in a situation to where I was spending time with a woman who I could see as more than friends, yet I was stuck solely in the friendzone. It ultimately meant I was on a sinking ship. As soon as she met someone she liked more than just friends, I was going to be on the outskirts.
It just ended up being a situation where I was open to wanting more, and she didn't, yet I was no longer cool with seeing each other once or twice every week and I was stuck in the friendzone. I just felt like I was selling myself short in the end.
Actually it was the exact opposite. We spent time together and the more time we spent together I realized that I started to like her even more than friends. I asked her if she wanted to try dating and she declined. We kept spending time together, because I didn't want to lose the friendship. We were intimate as well, so the more time that went by, the less I enjoyed being in a situation to where I was spending time with a woman who I could see as more than friends, yet I was stuck solely in the friendzone. It ultimately meant I was on a sinking ship. As soon as she met someone she liked more than just friends, I was going to be on the outskirts.
It just ended up being a situation where I was open to wanting more, and she didn't, yet I was no longer cool with seeing each other once or twice every week and I was stuck in the friendzone. I just felt like I was selling myself short in the end.
I've been in your position, and believe me, it's just not a good feeling.
You're hanging on, with the hopes that she'd change her mind - only for her to date some other guy. But guess what? It ain't gonna happen. Save your dignity: once she friendzones you, walk away and don't look back!
I've been in your position, and believe me, it's just not a good feeling.
You're hanging on, with the hopes that she'd change her mind - only for her to date some other guy. But guess what? It ain't gonna happen. Save your dignity: once she friendzones you, walk away and don't look back!
Agree with this.
Although I will say, if you've already been friends with her before you started to develop those more than friends feelings, it might not be fair to her to cut ties. Whereas, if you were to just meet someone or start dating them and then they friend zone, I'd say to just sever all ties, no questions asked.
All in all, if it's gonna continue to hurt you and mess with you, seeing her with other guys and making you want her more, you might have to end the friendship altogether.
You said you were intimate with her, so there was a physical relationship?
Although I will say, if you've already been friends with her before you started to develop those more than friends feelings, it might not be fair to her to cut ties. Whereas, if you were to just meet someone or start dating them and then they friend zone, I'd say to just sever all ties, no questions asked.
All in all, if it's gonna continue to hurt you and mess with you, seeing her with other guys and making you want her more, you might have to end the friendship altogether.
You said you were intimate with her, so there was a physical relationship?
Most cases, I agree.
Recently, however, it's happened once that I went on a couple of dates with a woman, and we both agreed that we'd make better friends. Usually, I would part ways if a woman decided to friend me, but I guess the friend chemistry was strong with her, lol.
But yeah, in most cases, I'd say to sever all ties.
Although I will say, if you've already been friends with her before you started to develop those more than friends feelings, it might not be fair to her to cut ties. Whereas, if you were to just meet someone or start dating them and then they friend zone, I'd say to just sever all ties, no questions asked.
All in all, if it's gonna continue to hurt you and mess with you, seeing her with other guys and making you want her more, you might have to end the friendship altogether.
You said you were intimate with her, so there was a physical relationship?
She only mentioned one guy she had went on a date with during our time. I'll try and make a long story short. We had been friends for over twelve years or so. She moved for work probably 10 years ago. She moved back 2 years ago. In all those years, most of our hangouts were in group settings. This past January we started hanging out more one on one. We never spent much time together like that, so as the time went on, I started to develop feelings for her. I had also just recently bought a house, so I had taken myself off the dating market. I truly didn't think that I'd develop those types of feelings, but the more and more time we spent together, combined with me not dating anyone else, I truly got to see the good in her that I've looked for in a relationship myself.
Back in June, I had reached a point to where I could no longer emotionally deal with how I was feeling. Knowing you care and want to be with your best female friend, yet she doesn't have those feelings for you; however, she still wants to continue everything as status quo. I ended up going out on some dates with a woman that I ended up being wild about and it really lit the fire under me that I do want a relationship and being a placeholder is not going to get me anywhere. Even though me and the woman didn't work out, it helped in making my mind up to scale way back what me and my friend were doing. We talked about things two or three weeks ago and she was wished that she had those feelings, because when it comes to what she's looking for, I checked off a lot of her boxes. She just can't muster the romantic feelings and I wouldn't want to date someone who didn't feel excited about me either.
Yes, we pretty much did all the things that people do when they date, including intimacy. She just didn't have those feelings. I've had FWB's before, but I never went out and did things with them. We mostly stayed in, ate dinner, got down to business, and then just talked. With my friend, we ate dinner, went out with friends, went to baseball games together, etc. It definitely felt like dating to me, which just made me even more confused. I'm in a better place with it ending, but it sure sucked for the first week or so. Not only was she my best female friend, we were kind of each other's safety nets with loneliness too. I don't mean loneliness in a bad way, but I always knew her and I would get together and do something over the weekend. It was nice having someone I could go and do things with, but for me, it wasn't going to work out for emotionally long-term.
She had already told me that she didn't want to deal with "mansplaining", so I felt it was best to keep my opinions of chemistry to myself. She's pretty independent, has some masculine tendencies (in education with mostly men), and was definitely an outspoken feminist (which I tend to enjoy). We just didn't click. The fact that she was open about her feminist outlook on life, I tried to steer clear of situations where it would come off as me trying to "mansplain" as she called it.
In a nutshell, she wants butterflies, and she's right to have those butterflies. It's her life and she has to answer for the decisions that she makes, not me.
As a guy, if a woman used the term "mansplain" with me, I'd run for the hills. That's such a turn off to me and it's not a word.
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