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Yikes. He sounds like a control freak. If this relationship continues he will try to isolate you and control more and more. If you love me you won't be friends with so and so. He will start suggesting to you what to wear or not wear. This is the stuff bad boyfriend movies are written about. This is the "honeymoon" phase of a relationship. Just imagine what it will be like when he gets worse, you can't change him.
The knot in your stomach is telling you that this is a toxic relationship in the making, and that you should get out ASAP. There are signs of an abuser in his behavior.
It's only been two months, which isn't long at all, more like a dateship that didn't work out, so just tell him it's not going to work out. Don't let him suck you into an argument where he demands to know why, or puts you on the defensive. Just say it's not working out, and you've discovered you don't have time for a relationship in addition to your program requirements, anyway. If he tries to bait you by asking if you're leaving him for one of your "boyfriends", tell him not to be ridiculous; you're not interested, and they all have girlfriends.
Are you two living together? Never move in with someone until you've known them for many months.
Honestly, that sounds way possessive and just off. Listen to your gut, its usually right. Its an instinct developed to protect us, for thousands of years. Get rid of the boy and find yourself a man, who is secure in himself.
I re-read your OP. I'm looking for the part where you talk about all the things you like about him, and why he would be your boyfriend after only 2 months. He's cute funny, smart, nice, sweet? ummmm, patient, kind, animal lover, handyman, excellent kisser?
....I haven't found any of that in your description yet...
anything good?
Honestly, that sounds way possessive and just off. Listen to your gut, its usually right. Its an instinct developed to protect us, for thousands of years. Get rid of the boy and find yourself a man, who is secure in himself.
Lol, you don't even need to listen to your gut in the OP's situation. It's just plain out there that he's a complete mental psycho and possessive.
You are NOT to blame. You feel weird and don't know what to say because this is not normal behavior, so you don't know how to react. Worst case: this guy will end up alienating you from friends and maybe your family. Best case senario: he's immature and really insecure. People don't put others down unless they feel poorly about themselves or are narcissistic. He's checking your phone, he has no right to do that. Sometimes guys are suspect of what a woman does because they are doing something wrong. Get out of this relationship! It's only been 2 months. Don't second guess yourself, somthing is definitely wrong here...
I am currently in a two months relationship with my boyfriend. We are both at university and in my field of education there is a majority of males, which means that I have and have always had a circle of a few very good male friends. This has always been strictly platonic and they all have girlfriends of their own.
The first few weeks of the relationship went great, we fell in love, went out and talked all day either on the phone or in text. In the time since then, his behaviour has become very erratic. I feel that I have no control over when he acts out and that I am completely paralyzed because I don't know what to say or do to make things right again. Basically his behaviour is driving me away, which causes me to withdraw from him and not really wanting to spend time with him. I'm beginning to feel as if his behaviour is somehow my fault because I think withdrawing only makes him behave more erratically.
To give a few examples, I will try to sum up his behaviour:
- He has looked through my phone several times (texts, call log, apps). At one time, he would even refuse to give me my phone back and would hide it from me, because he wasn't done looking for things.
- He once texted a male friend from MY phone, asking whether the friend and I had had sex.
- Whenever I do spend time with the afore-mentioned male friends, he will ask me how 'our date' went.
- If I am out without him, he makes sure to tell me to 'sleep alone'. When he texts me this kind of stuff I feel completely powerless and I don't even bother fighting it because I know it's useless.
- He once told me in a text that 'he'll keep an eye on me with other men' at a party we were attending together.
- He has called my male friends 'losers' and 'idiots' on one occasion.
- Whenever he has the opportunity, he makes fun of and laugh at people behind their backs for any given reason. This seems to be especially prevailing when the 'victim' has had something bad/unlucky happen to them.
- He is sometimes demeaning towards me and other people. He would tell me that I shouldn't bother doing cardio at the gym, because I'm not that 'type of girl' (I'm not overweight nor the athletic type, but it puzzles me why he would imply that I shouldn't bother working out).
- His inappropriate jokes also contains passive-agressive threats at times: Out of the blue, he would tell me that 'we'll never see each other again', When I don't give him any answer, he will claim that he is just joking.
Whenever he does these things, I get a knot in my stomach and my gut feeling/intuition is telling me that something is completely wrong. His behaviour is driving me away and its making me want to spend less and less time with him, which I think is fueling his poor behaviour even further - like a vicious circle. This has made me think that his way of acting is somehow my fault.
I feel sick and like leaving but then again, he also does a lot of good things for me: buying me gifts, sending me love letters, invites me to meet his family etc.
I could use some input on this. Am I to blame? I don't know what to do.
If, after only two months, this man is behaving as you describe, why in the WORLD would you remain with him? In the beginning phases of a courtship, we are usually on our BEST behavior. Simply put, this man's behavior will only become worse as time goes by.
You don't need to ask if anything is your fault -- you need to use wisdom and be a grown-up and stop seeing him. Period.
well, how would /do you feel if he is hanging out with other platonic ladies? do you check and question his phone? why not put a lock on your phone?
this sounds like some juvenile teenage high school BS! the maturity level is not there to have a good dating experience. I would recommend that you to learn what is the real reason people date, how should it feel, how should you treat and respect with others. People getting involved for puppy love and not love, respect, trust , and understanding is a recipe for disaster. snooping around, and calling your friends is very disrespectful, F@
Breaking up is easy. Listen, I dont want to date you no more. I dont live home with my parents, for some guy to come and boss me around. hells no! we are not ready for each other, and should not waste each others time any more. that is it. do not engage in any questioning or manipulation. You got to leave, now! its over , that is it.
block his number, clean it up and cut your loses. do not fall for his crying if he comes back in tears. It sounds like he might come back like a baby , or come back talking crap. Let your males friends you are not dealing with hims anymore, in case he tries some crap with them.
You are NOT to blame. You feel weird and don't know what to say because this is not normal behavior, so you don't know how to react. Worst case: this guy will end up alienating you from friends and maybe your family. Best case senario: he's immature and really insecure. People don't put others down unless they feel poorly about themselves or are narcissistic. He's checking your phone, he has no right to do that. Sometimes guys are suspect of what a woman does because they are doing something wrong. Get out of this relationship! It's only been 2 months. Don't second guess yourself, somthing is definitely wrong here...
I didn't think of this. The obsessive level of his phone-checking indicates either some kind of mental/emotional issues, OR it could mean he routinely cheats on the women he's with, so he projects that onto them, too. He's compelled to check everything obsessively, because HE's the guilty party.
Bad news, no matter how you look at it. OP, don't let him argue with you, when you break up with him. "We're not a good match". That's all that needs to be said. Gather your resolve in advance of the conversation, and if he argues, or begs, or demands to know why, just put your foot down and say you already told him why--it's not a good match (or whatever phrase you choose), and there's no point in discussing it further. Say it in your best "this is over!" tone of voice.
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