How to friendzone someone you met outside of a dating app? (girl, therapy)
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
I went to a meetup a few weeks ago looking to make friends. I met this guy who seemed really cool. We had a lot of the same interests and we had a lot to talk about. He's been texting me almost every day and I have a feeling he has a crush on me. He's been trying to get me to hang out with him solo but I've been dodging it and only go out if there's a group.. but even then, he's talking to me the entire time. I've thought of sending him an awkward text telling him I only want to be friends but I feel weird about doing that. He has a friend who has a crush on me too. I find them both attractive but I really want friends right now. Not to sound cocky but I have enough dating prospects but not enough friends. How do I get out of this with two friends instead of two guys mad at me?
Don't answer their texts right away. Delay the replies, especially at night. What activity was the meetup for? Keep your in person time together during the daytime and don't wear anything too sexy. Dress more like... you are a sister to them. Don't make any plans that involve a bar or dinner, nothing at night. No alcohol or dancing. And always split the bills, don't let them pay for you.
Make plans to see them no more frequently than once every couple of weeks. But at some point, you may have to come right out and say that you have no romantic interest in either of them.
I'll try the "hey bud" thing next time. I called him bro but he just thought it was cute.
Come on though. Are you serious here? If you're a fine girl, like you say, you've been turnin guys away your whole life. So now we gotta believe that suddenly you don't have enough practice?
I went to a meetup a few weeks ago looking to make friends. I met this guy who seemed really cool. We had a lot of the same interests and we had a lot to talk about. He's been texting me almost every day and I have a feeling he has a crush on me. He's been trying to get me to hang out with him solo but I've been dodging it and only go out if there's a group.. but even then, he's talking to me the entire time. I've thought of sending him an awkward text telling him I only want to be friends but I feel weird about doing that. He has a friend who has a crush on me too. I find them both attractive but I really want friends right now. Not to sound cocky but I have enough dating prospects but not enough friends. How do I get out of this with two friends instead of two guys mad at me?
You haven't set the boundaries. Tell them both or just the one. It doesn't matter if he likes it or not, you need to break eggs if you want an omelet. He also has a right to know and adjust his aim and if he's not willing to be a friend that's on him.
Both my daughters dealt with this crap and I told them to set and hold their boundaries. Some guys couldn't deal with it and got pissy, one of those ones almost had me attached to his neck one night. I also told them that just because they were desirable and eligible they were entitled to NOTHING other than common respect. To be foolish and think they were entitled or play games was not mature and not respectful of others and not what decent people do.
I say to you now. Don't think you're entitled to their understanding, they simply may not be mature enough to understand all this yet. If you tell them and they don't care for it it's their loss.
Come on though. Are you serious here? If you're a fine girl, like you say, you've been turnin guys away your whole life. So now we gotta believe that suddenly you don't have enough practice?
Just do what you always do.
I usually ignore and avoid and they go away. Only been successful friendzoning a guy when I had a bf.
Platonic friends with two guys that want to get in your pants? lmao Not gonna work! You know it, and I know it.
Ditch them both, and find some gay males to be friends with, LOl
Pretty much. They don't necessarily have to be gay if they're guys, just guys that also wanna be friends only. Being friends with someone that you wanna be more than friends with, is pretty much a mess for both parties. The person is usually only going along with being your friend because they think they can get you to change your mind and eventually like them. And sometimes, they might even start vomiting their feelings and letting you know every so often (every few months, weeks, few days maybe, etc) that they still like you, and wanna know if you've changed your mind. And then you're opening yourself up to them become borderline creepy or stalkerish towards you.
I do think a couple of people gave the OP a little too hard of a time, in accusing her that she only wanted orbiters. She may just genuinely only wanna be friends with these guys, but it's a potentially messy situation if they like you as more than friends.
I do think a couple of people gave the OP a little too hard of a time, in accusing her that she only wanted orbiters. She may just genuinely only wanna be friends with these guys, but it's a potentially messy situation if they like you as more than friends.
It's really not a hard time. This is NOT her first rodeo:
This is my take.....from a 53 year old divorced guy:
2 types of gals.
1. Really nice woman that likes your style, but just ain't interested in a romantic venture. Not with YOU anyway. She's cool, and she has an extra ticket to the football game. She has cute friends and is comfortable introducing you to them.
2. Bats her baby blues at you whenever she wants you to do something for her. Expects you to foot the bill for dinner & drinks and you get the pleasure of her company in public. Talks about her date the other night and how much bread he shelled out. Expects you to do the same.
Geez Yaz, please don't stereotype. There are more kinds of gals.
I for one would spring for the football game because I'd want to be with YOU. Dinner and drinks, I can (and do) pay my own way, or even treat on occasion. I'm not batting my green eyes at you unless I have an eyelash in them and can take care of myself. Relationship would be great, but I'm not going out with you just so I can have a handyman or a pick up truck.
The OP needs to chill and be upfront with her multitudes of suitors. No one likes being strung along.
1. Outgoing guy who is entertained by a good conversation even if it's not driving him to the bedroom. Understands that there are possible benefits to being in a social network and having friends, besides sex/love with said friends. Knows you might have an extra ticket to the football game or a cute friend you're comfortable introducing him to. Heck, you could end up being a good personal reference for jobs, loans, or other kinds of business, or you might be just the right contact to put together a profitable opportunity one day. Sometimes life is all about who ya know. In the meantime, the conversation is better than sitting at home alone on a Friday night watching TV.
2. Guy who cannot imagine any reason to interact with "females" other than to attempt to bed them, who takes it personally and gets offended when you don't want to. He wants a relationship (whether love or just sex) far more than he cares about you as an individual, or at least that's how it seems. Would rather spend his time home alone complaining on the internet about the friend zone, than out having a pleasant evening in the company of a woman who doesn't want to get naked with him, just talking and joking and having fun. Too focused on what he isn't getting to enjoy anything else.
Different people, different outlooks.
I have to spread some love around first before I could add to your reputation. I reckon that we have similar attitudes, it's just that you were a bit more eloquent and detailed. A tad different because we are of opposite genders. 'Tis quite OK, as smart folks recognize those differences.
I think what happens is this:
Guys have a hard time discerning women that just wanna be friends right off the bat. Our egos/testosterone prohibit that. I'm not gonna speak for all men, but I reckon most of us are wondering what you're like in the sack after you've spoken two sentences. Any guy that sez different is gay or lying.
Keep in mind there are wiminfolk that will use men for dinner et al, and you know that. And there are men that are into "Wham Bam Thank You, Ma'am." We know that.
Geez Yaz, please don't stereotype. There are more kinds of gals.
I for one would spring for the football game because I'd want to be with YOU. Dinner and drinks, I can (and do) pay my own way, or even treat on occasion. I'm not batting my green eyes at you unless I have an eyelash in them and can take care of myself. Relationship would be great, but I'm not going out with you just so I can have a handyman or a pick up truck.
The OP needs to chill and be upfront with her multitudes of suitors. No one likes being strung along.
I know. Sometimes I paint with a broad brush. Not fair or intuitive. I get jaded sometimes because my divorce kicked my arse. Not to mention that my last date sucked. Just what I'm dealing with lately.
Someone sounds bitter. You make sex sound like a chore. I don't owe anybody anything.
I'm just calling a spade a spade. You're literally asking the internet on how to scheme two dudes that want you into platonic friends that make you feel good about yourself. You know and I know that even if you set the boundary that nothing is going down, the admiration doesn't stop, unless they become upset about it. So you're trying to tiptoe some line to have your cake and eat it too.
This has nothing to do with sex or owing anyone anything. This about you trying to turn people's feelings for you into never ending validation without reciprocation. And I think the reciprocation is where you're trying to hang your argument and frame me as bitter, which with a lesser man could potentially work. However, I'm a little more nuanced than that. The reality is relationships are a shared experience. Validation and making others feel good about themselves should be a two way street. Purposely friend zoning people that want you, and keeping them around, is 99% of the time a validation, attention seeking funnel to one and only one person.
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
