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Gosh! Ladies, aren't you happy the OP stopped by to let you know how you feel?
Here's the thing. I would have supported the OP's desire for a traditional family. That's a personal choice among spouses.
BUT, he had to go the direction of insulting people who make different choices, and that's a different story.
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Which is ultimately silly since everyone would agree you have to be or willing to put yourself out and open yourself to being vulnerable in the open to have a relationship in the first place.
It doesn't mean it's a one way street or anyone is dominating or forced in to anything.
This type of topics always devolve in "my way is better" arguments on all sides.
#Barf
When I read the OP I didn't interpret "vulnerable" as others here have. Of course we need to vulnerable on some level if we're going to open up to another person. I read it as not being very confident or lacking backbone, maybe timid as well. That was my take on it.
If some couple decide to live a more traditional life and that's their choice. I've never felt the need to belittle that. If both spouses work that is fine too. I just hope that the day care needs are as low as can be. It seems like a good option would be if both spouses work hopefully they can set it up that the kids are basically in school a most of the day and day care is just a couple hours a day until the parents can got off of work. In real life you can't always have it that way and we have to make the best out of what we have. It just kills me when you hear about a woman/family having a little tiny baby and going back to work really soon. Again, not trying to get judgy, I do realize that life is what it is and we have to do the best we can do. I mean ya gotta pay the bills as we all know.
Quote:
Originally Posted by tamajane
Sometimes men get the wrong idea about modest, "sweet" women, their personality doesn't make them doormats and they have to be on the lookout for guys who want someone to control or abuse. Treating a grown woman like a child is abuse. Guys who get these foreign girls who seem so sweet (maybe they are), then the men complain the women get uppity, it isn't her changing, they just assumed she had no backbone and that she needed you to dictate to her. Very few women from anywhere in the world are actually pleased to be told what to think and do these days. Has nothing to do with them being sweet or humble or modest. Those guys will just be disappointed if they automatically think it does.
Yeah, I think a lot of men do confuse modest or sweet with being a doormat. I mean how many stories have we heard about sweet docile women and service men stationed overseas marry them, bring them here and things are much different then they thought.
Never understood these guys doing the mail order bride thing. These women come here, bring their family members over and various culture conflicts start occurring. All because they on some level were hoping for a doormat. I could be wrong on that part, but whatever.
When I read the OP I didn't interpret "vulnerable" as others here have. Of course we need to vulnerable on some level if we're going to open up to another person. I read it as not being very confident or lacking backbone, maybe timid as well. That was my take on it.
If some couple decide to live a more traditional life and that's their choice. I've never felt the need to belittle that. If both spouses work that is fine too. I just hope that the day care needs are as low as can be. It seems like a good option would be if both spouses work hopefully they can set it up that the kids are basically in school a most of the day and day care is just a couple hours a day until the parents can got off of work. In real life you can't always have it that way and we have to make the best out of what we have. It just kills me when you hear about a woman/family having a little tiny baby and going back to work really soon. Again, not trying to get judgy, I do realize that life is what it is and we have to do the best we can do. I mean ya gotta pay the bills as we all know.
Yeah, I think a lot of men do confuse modest or sweet with being a doormat. I mean how many stories have we heard about sweet docile women and service men stationed overseas marry them, bring them here and things are much different then they thought.
Never understood these guys doing the mail order bride thing. These women come here, bring their family members over and various culture conflicts start occurring. All because they on some level were hoping for a doormat. I could be wrong on that part, but whatever.
Yeah, the one guy I know who brought a woman here from a former Soviet country when she was 18...guess he hoped she'd be sweet and docile and breed babies and stay home caring for them. Instead she went to college, mastered the language and got a degree, and some years later got tired of his condescending and disrespectful and controlling attitude, and stopped being so affectionate to him. Refused to have the second kid he wanted, and pursued a career in teaching (against his wishes.) He just got caught cheating on her, which apparently has been going on a while from what I hear, and she wants nothing to do with him and they're separating. He still tells his friends it is all her fault because "women are so headstrong."
To be fair most of those "bought brides" are looking for a meal ticket and a sugar daddy.
They will drop anyone who doesn't give them what they want for someone who will as long as someone is their to offer it.
They are not exactly a prime example of a loving relationship from any side to begin with.
You also have people get brought over (with legitimate intentions) who have lived within another culture long enough that they do eventually lose what they had know for what they have come to know.
It's not always a case of someone being horrible to the other.
It can simply be a case of growing in to another person under different circumstances.
I've always found women who are modest, humble and to an extent vulnerable to be very sweet and appealing. Women who act confident and assertive have mostly been a huge turnoff for me.
Understandable.
No different than lions on the Serengeti, watching a herd of wildebeest; deciding which one to take down -- the most vulnerable, least confident, least assertive -- so they do not need to do much work or expose themselves to injury.
Yep, makes perfect sense.
Now, do you just object to them just acting confident? Is it OK if they are confident and assertive but keep it under wraps?
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