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But a man in his 40s whose longest relationship was less than a year .... red flag. Why do YOU think you are "better" than all the other women he had? You think he was waiting all his adult year for you because you are so different? Probably not.
No offense.
When I see on POF that guys state their longest relationship was less than 4 years and they never married, I don't contact them. I rather have a divorced dude with a crazy ex than a guy who was never able to commit.
If someone is older but never had anything long term, chances are high, there is something severely wrong with him or he just likes being a bachelor.
No offense taken. This is exactly what I was wondering--why has no one been "good enough" for him yet?
No offense taken. This is exactly what I was wondering--why has no one been "good enough" for him yet?
I don't see how or why this would be an automatic red flag. If anything, it should be a positive since he was self-aware enough to realize that those women weren't the one for him instead of getting into marriage with them. Nothing wrong with that whatsoever.
Now, granted, he might be very picky, and that's something you should potentially look out for. Otherwise, only way to know for sure is to keep dating him.
Went out with someone, several dates so far. We talked about the past relationships. I'm divorced (he cheated). He is 44ish. I asked about his past and he said he has had a few serious relationships. All have been less than a year. Two were about nine months but he didn't see marriage with them and they wanted to be married, as does he. He said he broke up with the women because they were getting more serious about him than he was about them and that he just hadn't met the right woman for him.
On the one hand, he didn't string them along indefinitely. On the other...it seems like he has never been in a long LTR and it seems as though he has always been the break-upper.
Is this a potential red flag or is he someone who just hasn't met the right one?
In general he is very nice and chivalrous as well as plans great dates.
That's a tough call. It's kind of weird a guy that age hasn't been able to find a suitable woman, especially if he really does want to get married. It sounds like he breaks up with them right when things are about to get serious, and then justifies it by saying "she just wasn't the one." Either that, or he has ridiculously high standards and a few unrealistic expectations when it comes to relationships.
I'm not saying not to date him, but I would just tread carefully.
That's a tough call. It's kind of weird a guy that age hasn't been able to find a suitable woman, especially if he really does want to get married. It sounds like he breaks up with them right when things are about to get serious, and then justifies it by saying "she just wasn't the one." Either that, or he has ridiculously high standards and a few unrealistic expectations when it comes to relationships.
I'm not saying not to date him, but I would just tread carefully.
When I see on POF that guys state their longest relationship was less than 4 years and they never married, I don't contact them. I rather have a divorced dude with a crazy ex than a guy who was never able to commit.
I used to be on the receiving end of this type of judgment. I had never married and some people saw that as a "red flag" while a divorce was considered just fine. I never could figure out why a failed marriage was better than no marriage. I wasn't unable to commit, it just took me longer than most to find the right person and I chose unwisely a few times along the way. I found it to be really flawed thinking, but I suppose everyone has their prejudices.
I used to be on the receiving end of this type of judgment. I had never married and some people saw that as a "red flag" while a divorce was considered just fine. I never could figure out why a failed marriage was better than no marriage. I wasn't unable to commit, it just took me longer than most to find the right person and I chose unwisely a few times along the way. I found it to be really flawed thinking, but I suppose everyone has their prejudices.
For me divorce is also a yellow flag. I'd have to know the circumstances which led to it. I wonder about the length of the relationships more than the unmarried status. None of them have been truly long term.
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