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It goes back to why you were motivated to go to a complete stranger and talk to them about their looks. Going out of your way. It's not like they were sitting at the same table or they were close by each other and there was just a random chance to talk. Walking up to someone and talking about their looks...eh...
I've done it before, and I've gotten dates out of it. I probably should have gotten to know them first or met them somewhere more formal, right?
Most of my female friends seem to feel far far better if they're complimented on say, a skill, or even a band (or whatever) t-shirt, that is complimenting them on their coolness or intellect or ability, than their physical appearance.
I was in the store one time with my then small kids. It was Saturday and the place was a madhouse. There were a fair number of kids in full meltdown mode. My kids and I were having a blast. The oldest was able to compare products to find the lowest unit price. The younger could weigh the produce and tell my how much it weighed and add to the bag if we needed more. We identified different products, discussed what treat we wanted... I had one gentleman who was standing near me at the check out say, I saw you a couple of times in the store. Good job, Mom.
Well gee. I thought that was mighty nice.
That said I probably looked like poo at 9:00 am on a Saturday with two little kids.
It goes back to why you were motivated to go to a complete stranger and talk to them about their looks. Going out of your way. It's not like they were sitting at the same table or they were close by each other and there was just a random chance to talk. Walking up to someone and talking about their looks...eh...
Listen, personally I don't really care.
But there's something behind this behavior. People don't go out in public asking for other people's approval. Giving it unasked for...tad shady. And I'm pretty sure it's not a coincidence that has to do with something that basically comes down to sex in the end.
Responding both to you and your quoted post...
This topic wasn't even about asking anyone out. How does it come down to sex in the end? Op didn't say he was trying to get sex from this woman by complimenting her. That he expected anything. Again, he didn't try to extend the conversation or ask for a date or her number. So what is shady about telling somebody sincerely that you think they look nice in some way?
I'm a woman, a human with a brain, a man is also a human with a brain, I find it easy to compliment other women (funny--they don't know I'm bisexual, and I don't think it matters! Because like the OP, I'm not hitting on them!) I have told women I don't know that I liked their hairstyle, shoes, or jewelry, I've admired their makeup when it looked especially good, I've told them the color of their shirt looks awesome with their skin tone, really is a great color on them, etc.
Oh, and makeup? Really is an art form sometimes. I don't wear it myself, too much expense, time, and hassle, and I'm not very skilled in doing it. If someone's makeup is nice enough to be noticeable, you bet I'll compliment them, whether that's a woman or a drag queen. And my admiration will be 100% sincere. They're doing something I cannot.
It feels so good, to be friendly, and not wonder "what will this person think, that my motives might be, if I say this or that to them?" OP's only motive was the hope to brighten someone's day. What's shady about that?
Location: RI, MA, VT, WI, IL, CA, IN (that one sucked), KY
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Sonic_Spork
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This topic wasn't even about asking anyone out. How does it come down to sex in the end? Op didn't say he was trying to get sex from this woman by complimenting her. That he expected anything. Again, he didn't try to extend the conversation or ask for a date or her number. So what is shady about telling somebody sincerely that you think they look nice in some way?
I think the notion comes from would a guy say the same thing to another dude? If he wouldn't, then the difference is gender. He is complimenting the person because it's a she, not because of the hair (or whatever).
When I (for example at a show on Tuesday) complimented a woman on an awesome band t-shirt, I would have complimented a dude on it just the same way.
I've done it before, and I've gotten dates out of it. I probably should have gotten to know them first or met them somewhere more formal, right?
Different strokes. I know this woman who is dating a friend of mine. SHE places the highest value about herself on looks. So clearly, someone complimenting her on that is going to appeal to her.
These women / men threads are sort of frustrating in that way. You just don't always get to know what you are going to get when you approach a stranger in public. One is going to genuinely like it, another is going to roll their eyes behind your back. Because
We aren't just women. We're people.
And you aren't just men. You're people.
Each of whom is going to have the perspective of their genetics (beyond gender), rearing, experience and a host of other contributors besides just gender.
It wasn't about asking anyone out. There just seems to be this real stigma around here with cold complimenting strangers, and it also goes for approaching people you don't know to ask them out, just based on their looks and because you're attracted to them. There really shouldn't be anything wrong with either.
I think the notion comes from would a guy say the same thing to another dude? If he wouldn't, then the difference is gender. He is complimenting the person because it's a she, not because of the hair (or whatever).
When I (for example at a show on Tuesday) complimented a woman on an awesome band t-shirt, I would have complimented a dude on it just the same way.
It wasn't about asking anyone out. There just seems to be this real stigma around here with cold complimenting strangers, and it also goes for approaching people you don't know to ask them out, just based on their looks and because you're attracted to them. There really shouldn't be anything wrong with either.
What is the purpose of the word "should"? *I* get to decide for myself what I find wrong for me. I don't WANT complete strangers approaching me in public. I love being polite and kind and receiving the same in kind. But I DON'T want complete strangers asking me out for no other reason in the world than I am good looking. I find it obnoxious, completely lacking in any class or taste. I would love to know what that guys thinks we are talking about, well I really wouldn't. Because I know. Because as a younger woman I had no idea that what I looked like was ALL they saw. When they talked, all they wanted to do was talk about them with a bunch of **** that was packaged to impress me. It always missed the mark because, like a lot of people here, some thought it was all about looks. Some thought it was about money and prestige. Dude, who ARE you?? What do you think you are going to DO with me if you get me?
If I wanted to go out with someone for looks, I would buy a good looking blow up doll. They are way cheaper to feed when you take them out to dinner. I wonder if they should not do the same.
I think the notion comes from would a guy say the same thing to another dude? If he wouldn't, then the difference is gender. He is complimenting the person because it's a she, not because of the hair (or whatever).
When I (for example at a show on Tuesday) complimented a woman on an awesome band t-shirt, I would have complimented a dude on it just the same way.
If a man had a hairstyle or makeup (I mentioned drag queens, and some of them take it to a seriously artistic place) that was really not typical or seemed to take a lot of effort, I could see a man complimenting another man. I've seen guys compliment other guys' mohawks at shows for instance. I mean some hairstyles take effort. Some makeup takes skill and/or effort, and/or expensive products.
Anyhow I think it would be lovely if, regardless if you place a lot of value in your appearance or not, you could appreciate when someone is just trying to be nice. As Metaphysique said, if they have ulterior motives, it should not really be THAT hard to sense that.
I'm still behind the thing Wmsn4Life posted...the world can be a mean, nasty place. Why not be nice, when ya can? And why turn something that was only intended to be nice, into some sort of negative?
But again, I do know that attitudes about this kind of thing vary from one place to another. I could far more comfortably compliment a stranger here in Colorado Springs, than I could one in Washington DC. Here, people in gas stations and fast food restaurants actually smile at you, and tell you to have a nice day, as if a stranger could possibly care what kind of day you have, right??
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