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Are you approaching them? Show any interest? Flirt? Smile? Have friends who know girls? Go out? Interact?
I mean... what are YOU doing about it?
(I didn't read your other threads..)
I don't approach often. Not unless I get direct signs to do so, and when I actuallt receive those things usually go well. If I've actually been given the ok imo, I'm pretty decent at flirting and engaging a female. The thing is I have friends who tell me theyI get hit on, approached, etc...a pretty decent amount at all kinds of places....and none of them look at that better than me if at all and that's why kinda pisssed me. And yes I do go out....pretty often.
<Shrug> I am not sure who is telling you that. I have never fawned or "approached". I have just gone and lived my life, and if I met someone I clicked with, then great! You seem awfully unwilling to do anything yourself. I wonder why that is. Why is it necessary for them to come to you? What, exactly, do you want? You don't want to DO anything like get engaged in society. You want ... what? To go to work, the store... and have someone just come up and fawn? It is not entirely clear.
I am thinking of the men I know in my life. Or the women for that matter. I don't think a single one of them got together with their partner by being "approached" randomly.
No, but I'm sure you've given men signs that it's ok for them to approach you. That's what I'm asking for...just and indicator of interest. I'm not asking for fawning or basking...just a hint.
If you don't "approach randomly" how are you supposed to meet people?
I don't approach often. Not unless I get direct signs to do so, and when I actuallt receive those things usually go well. If I've actually been given the ok imo, I'm pretty decent at flirting and engaging a female. The thing is I have friends who tell me theyI get hit on, approached, etc...a pretty decent amount at all kinds of places....and none of them look at that better than me if at all and that's why kinda pisssed me. And yes I do go out....pretty often.
You seem to have spent a certain amount of energy stewing over the observation that you're not "getting" what (some) other guys are getting. This is probably especially irking, in view of your earlier experience in life, when women did approach you.
Stop stewing and building resentment. Take a constructive approach. You've identified an issue for yourself, of having trouble opening up. Work on that. Do what you need to do to bring about positive change. It won't be easy, but the struggle will pay off, eventually. If you feel stuck, consider getting some professional help for a bit. Sometimes people need a boost to get over the bump in the road. Nothing wrong with that.
If you don't "approach randomly" how are you supposed to meet people?
You go to the same coffee shop/bar. You ride the same bus. You belong to the same organization. You like the same band. You walk your dogs on the same route. You know the same people. You build up a rapport after seeing each other around. A cold approach in a nightclub is not the only way.
With as rarely as I get attention I must be doing something wrong. People say be confident, and comfortable with yourself and they'll come to you....but that's not the case.
Let me say this; if you want to meet people, chances are you are going to have to go out there and meet people. Some people have to just go out there and talk to people. In some cases, that may even get people to come to you.
Otherwise, being confident and comfortable with yourself doesn't need to be for the sole purpose of having people come to you. You'd also have to be okay with being by yourself and enjoying your own company. All of those things do not guarantee anyone approaching you.
There was a time when people didn't approach me. I still can't exactly pinpoint what changed. The only thing I can get is that my hair is a lot longer.
OMG, this word "approach." It sounds so predatory. I get the image of a guy sneaking up on a girl, ready to spring a line on her in order to get a number. I have dated many men over the years and I can't say that even ONE meeting began this way.
OP, are you talking about casual conversation? Being in a group of people and joining in, as you would at work, at a party, with neighbors at the mailbox, waiting in line at the post office?
That's not an "approach." That is something that socialized humans do every day. Sometimes those encounters may even involve a person you are attracted to. Being friendly and conversational with strangers is not something that should make you feel the least bit nervous.
To normal people, these encounters are what lead to new friendships and new relationships. Have you ever tried it?
It seems like you are trying too hard with your "big game hunting" technique.
There are a few things I wanted to say. I read through the thread and there are a few things from my experience.
First off, there are many different types of women who want many different things. Generally, you get what you give. For instance, a man that does not smile at anyone shouldn't expect to get any smiles. At the same time, it is not uncommon for someone to smile at someone only for that person to respond with a scowl. Yikes!!!
Snobs are generally not considered approachable, but then some snobby people get approached. And yeah, some men's clothes seem to attract men moreso than women. I would know. Then there are some men's clothes that actually attract women...and they are not what you'd think FME.
I think you just have to find what works for you. Pay no attention to convention and what others say. This may require a lot of observation and research. Women in my area tend to respond to people who just look different.
You're lucky....in the areas around me the more basic you are the better lawl. But I do hear you. Not smiling and being a snob just isn't going to help in my case it seems. And k really has no idea about my clothes....
Quote:
Originally Posted by TJenkins602
That is a sad way to think about it. But in some areas, they take smilers as suckers.
OMG, this word "approach." ...
That's not an "approach." That is something that socialized humans do every day..
Right??
I can't with these broken record guys anymore ...
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