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Okay, I need to air this out somehow someway and I can't talk to anyone close to me because they'll judge the situation to harshly (there's a story for that too-_-)
I have a boyfriend. We actually have a lot of history, he was my first 'boyfriend/crush' back in grade school, but then I moved to another part of the city, we lost touch. 7 years and we're rekindling again. We started talking in the beginning of July and made it official right before he went to jail (violation of probation--nothing serious). He didn't stay in long, but while he was there we really got to know one another and it was actually really great.
Now that he's out, he's working a lot, and he has two children from previous relationships. I understand, that's all fine and dandy but I can't help the feeling that he doesn't care about me like he said he did when he was away.
For one, his car stopped working--no biggie life happens, been there--but he'll make promises like "i'm going to see you after work" but not establish the how part in that. I mean he has no car, so when he says things like that, I'm under the assumption that he has a ride to see me (he works second shift and I work an 8-5, so we don't have time to hang until late at night, but I'm too tired around this time to be flying around the city).
Or worse yet, when he's off, and I'm off--say a weekend--he'll say come see me. I drive over, let him know I'm either there or on my way, but then when I get there it's always something came up and he didn't let me know before I got there. **** like "Oh, I was having issues with my bm" or "I had to take my son here and such".
Excuses. I feel like people make time for the things they want to make time for, and as his girlfriend, I would hope to be one.
I bring this up (passive aggressively, of course) and he always says I'm being a cry baby, but am I really? Am I a bad girlfriend for wanting to spend time with him? I let my emotions boil over and then I start doing irrational ****, which makes me seem crazy but honestly it's just residual resentment.
How can I really get through to him? More communication? Should we make actual solid plans, instead of relying on touch and go meetups? Should I let the relationship go? Is he too prideful to admit that he's jealous? --woah, I know random but part of me also feels like he's being this way because I'm doing better (financially) than him...he's so focused on working and making money.
I think this man has a lot on his plate and his kids (who he didn't even bother giving a stable family to) should take every bit of priority over you and everything else.
This behavior is unlikely to change in my eyes. His kids will always be more important. If you can't deal with it, you might need to move on and find someone who is in a better situation.
Right, lol. I don't mind that he's all about his kids, but I know he's lying because then I see him on social media doing all kinds of other things that have nothing to do with his kids. One of the main reasons I liked him was because he came off as a responsible adult. I see your point, I don't make it better but it probably isn't meant to be. Thanks
Not forgetting all of the other problems/deal breakers this guy has, but any boyfriend or girlfriend that responds to a legitimate complaint with name calling (cry baby) is not worth it. That's not how mature adults react--ignoring the complaint and blaming it on some "flaw" with the other person.
Any person that is jailed for a probation violation is not a responsible adult. Any person that has 2 kids from 2 previous relationships is questionable.
You already know he's not worth the effort so why not break it off now? It's not like he's a real gem or for that matter anything close to resembling a responsible adult so why keep trying? He ain't worth it.
Status:
"I don't understand. But I don't care, so it works out."
(set 2 days ago)
35,592 posts, read 17,927,273 times
Reputation: 50626
I'm curious, JW, why you so wanted that to work. If I were falling for a guy who has a felony conviction, is on probation, has two kids and no car, I'd be trying hard to suppress my feelings for him and trying to focus on getting over him. I wouldn't be really wanting it to work.
Why do you want this guy?
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