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Okay, but is it really that way? I mean yeah technically you can say "OP is upset because she is jealous of how close her BF is to his friend" ..
But shouldn't I, as my boyfriends "best friend" (which is what we call each other) be someone that he opens up to about the SERIOUS stuff? We've been dating 2 years and hangout almost every day. Not that I'm saying that's the most important thing, but we're close. And I know he's hiding something more on the serious side. So shouldn't I, as someone that's a really big part of his life, be someone he would WANT to open up to about these things?
Yes, okay this ^ can be looked at as jealousy "oh she's just dramatic and insecure" and that's horrible etc. But semantics aside, isn't this thought ^^^ something that one person could and should be allowed to be upset about? Just based on a hypothetical scenario. Idk.
It's not a hypothetical scenario, for one thing. You are jealous. And it's not about "semantics," because they way you type your posts does give off a dramatic and insecure vibe, so this is tricky.
Yeah, you would think he would be able to confide in you. For some reason he doesn't. That means there's a problem. You don't have the emotional intimacy you thought you did, so you need to figure out why.
Only you know if you're approaching this relationship in a healthy and mature way.
I understand you feeling left out and jealous that he confided in another woman. (I honestly do find that a bit strange and it would probably bother me too.)
I also understand him getting upset with how you reacted to the situation.
Like other's have said just tell him you care about him and you're there to listen whenever he wants to talk. Leave it at that. He'll come in his own time.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Wmsn4Life
It's not a hypothetical scenario, for one thing. You are jealous. And it's not about "semantics," because they way you type your posts does give off a dramatic and insecure vibe, so this is tricky.
Yeah, you would think he would be able to confide in you. For some reason he doesn't. That means there's a problem. You don't have the emotional intimacy you thought you did, so you need to figure out why.
Only you know if you're approaching this relationship in a healthy and mature way.
It's not a hypothetical scenario, for one thing. You are jealous. And it's not about "semantics," because they way you type your posts does give off a dramatic and insecure vibe, so this is tricky.
Yeah, you would think he would be able to confide in you. For some reason he doesn't. That means there's a problem. You don't have the emotional intimacy you thought you did, so you need to figure out why.
Only you know if you're approaching this relationship in a healthy and mature way.
I for one would think it odd that my b/f felt that he could confide in another woman, but not in me. What's up with that? Jealousy would have nothing to do with it. The next time he started to complain about something that was bothering him I'd tell him to go call her. I don't want to hear about it. My money says that he'd be PO'd about that too. At witch time I'd start to re-evaluate our relationship.
This is how I see it. I don't think it had anything to do with jealousy. It has to do with the OP feeling like there's not the level of emotional intimacy she'd like to have. I also thought it was the bf who was over-reacting. She "ruined the perfect night"? What perfect night? What was that all about?
The OP has been with this guy for 2 years, but he doesn't want to share any personal issues with her? That seems odd. It's not as if they've only been together a few months. They're long(ish)-term partners now.
IDK, OP. Does he have a lot of redeeming features, that balance out with this preference to hold you at a distance, in this way? Does he have other redeeming features that balance out his tendency to be unhappy with his life on several fronts? Do you want to be with a chronically brooding guy? Has he always been this way (since you've known him)?
The fact that you KEEP asking him about stuff instead of drawing a line and walking away, the fact that you expected him to comfort you after you got mad that he talked to his friend, and the whole way you responded in post # 10.
IDK like I said, it's just a vibe that came from reading the whole thing.
]The fact that you KEEP asking him about stuff [/b]instead of drawing a line and walking away, the fact that you expected him to comfort you after you got mad that he talked to his friend, and the whole way you responded in post # 10.
IDK like I said, it's just a vibe that came from reading the whole thing.
Wait, what are you talking about? I never asked him more than once about anything. Any time he brought up feeling upset about something, I would only ever ask once if he wanted to talk about it. Maybe there was a miscommunication in my OP. And yeah I wanted him to comfort me, but I would of settled with him simply just acknowledging my feelings.
This is how I see it. I don't think it had anything to do with jealousy. It has to do with the OP feeling like there's not the level of emotional intimacy she'd like to have. I also thought it was the bf who was over-reacting. She "ruined the perfect night"? What perfect night? What was that all about?
The OP has been with this guy for 2 years, but he doesn't want to share any personal issues with her? That seems odd. It's not as if they've only been together a few months. They're long(ish)-term partners now.
IDK, OP. Does he have a lot of redeeming features, that balance out with this preference to hold you at a distance, in this way? Does he have other redeeming features that balance out his tendency to be unhappy with his life on several fronts? Do you want to be with a chronically brooding guy? Has he always been this way (since you've known him)?
Something to think about.
That's interesting. Yeah he's always been like this, but it used to be better. He seems less happy now with things. I think it's with work
We talked again a little while ago. His argument is that when he's with me he's "escaping" all his problems and enjoying himself so he doesn't want to bring up negativity.
Wait, what are you talking about? I never asked him more than once about anything. Any time he brought up feeling upset about something, I would only ever ask once if he wanted to talk about it. .
Quote:
Originally Posted by starlightgirl34
My boyfriend has been expressing over the last few months that he's unhappy about certain things in his personal life (money, job status, family) but when I ask him what the issues are, he says he doesn't want to talk about it.
You two appear to be in a pattern of communication that isn't working.
He complains, you inquire, he rebuffs, you get hurt... over and over and over.
He needs to either do something about his problems or stop complaining about them in front of you. And like I said, you need to tell him - one time - that you care about him and want to support him, but when he does this ^^^ it makes you feel like he doesn't really need you on an emotional level.
So if he wants help, he should say so. Otherwise, he should knock it off.
Set some boundaries or else get him to expand his.
This is how I see it. I don't think it had anything to do with jealousy. It has to do with the OP feeling like there's not the level of emotional intimacy she'd like to have. I also thought it was the bf who was over-reacting. She "ruined the perfect night"? What perfect night? What was that all about?
The OP has been with this guy for 2 years, but he doesn't want to share any personal issues with her? That seems odd. It's not as if they've only been together a few months. They're long(ish)-term partners now.
IDK, OP. Does he have a lot of redeeming features, that balance out with this preference to hold you at a distance, in this way? Does he have other redeeming features that balance out his tendency to be unhappy with his life on several fronts? Do you want to be with a chronically brooding guy? Has he always been this way (since you've known him)?
Something to think about.
If he doesn't want to confide in her, why keep complaining if he knows she's going to ask to be confided in? And what's the point of not confiding in her and then rubbing it in her face by telling her he's confiding in another woman?
I wonder how he'd feel if she told him that she was confiding in another man???? I am betting it wouldn't fly for a second.
Personally I would wish him and *his best friend* well and walk out the door without looking back.
If my boyfriend/husband cannot confide in me and share his troubles with me to help him work through things then I do
not need him in my life.
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