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Guys often have a hard time abruptly pulling the plug on a chick they've done it with. Nothing new there. For him it was just another sex act, but after all, you're a person (not a blow up doll) and at least he gets that. My take? He's gotten out of you what he wanted, he thinks you're OK, and he's obviously moving on. You've microanalyzed the situation from the first date, and nanoanalyzed it after sex. You apparently had different motives at the time you decided to flop with him than he had. I think your overwillingness to get naked with him gave off the wrong signal. He probably gave you the "wrong signal" too. In his case, that's called "smooth."
I think this is a great example of why some men get frustrated in the game and all of the OLD apps and so on. Clearly an attractive woman, active, has interests, no kids most likely. Sounds like a potential dream woman to me. Getting used like a turnstyle by douchebags, doesn't sound like she what wants to be used, especially by douchebags. There's so many guys that would treat her like a princess yet whoever those guys are don't seem to be able to break though, using Tinder for example, you have to assume she's getting tons of swipes.
I don't even know millennials can have monogamous relationships today with the ease of meeting people and get hooked up. Too many lonely people because social media makes connecting to new people too easy and many guys like me if I was young and single again I would never get married or stay with one girl.
Because there's too much out there and too easy to get hooked up.
Been there and done that, it's exciting for a bit but quickly you begin feeling empty inside. I guess some people are perfectly ok with that kind of arrangement, but today I am looking for more than just a quick hook up.
OP- get out there and get a few more plates to spin, put this guy in your rotation. Start being the alpha female, like the Lioness: a much more Adept Hunter than the male, sometimes she doesn't even share her kill. Quit waiting around for the guy to decide what's going to happen, make it happen yourself.
Probably is not definite. What is stopping her from winning the game? She has already told us she is having difficulty finding someone she likes.
I'm suggesting she should fight to win him. She has invested time and effort into him, she has slept with him already. She is hurt already. Why give up without trying?
Not sure if I just need to vent or want advice, probably both. So after being single for a pretty long time (I've had my fair share of first dates, so it's not like I wasn't looking- But usually I never liked those guys enough, and a few times I got ghosted after sleeping with the ones I did like), I decided to finally try Tinder. I had matches, a lot, but I still didn't feel like meeting anyone in real life for a long time (besides one guy over a year ago, but it wasn't a great date).
Except this one guy. We started talking early August (when he messaged me first) and our messages were long, interesting, funny, just great. He seemed really interested in me and he seemed like a great, mature (We're both 29) guy who got his **** together and after over ONE MONTH of talking literally every!) day, he asked me out.
A few days later we met- And spend 5 hours together eating, drinking, walking around, laughing, having a great time. Our conversation was so effortless, that doesn't happen very often I think. He seemed really interested in me, asked me many things about my life and I did the same, I felt like we really got to know each other better. He walked me home and we kissed. He messaged me 30 minutes later telling me that he has a great time and would love to see me again.
We met again, twice, so in total 3 dates. On the second date we basically did the same thing as for the first date and we even shared stories of the past, he told me for example that he was 5 years with his last girlfriend and they broke up last year. We had so many things in common. Again, he walked me home and we kissed. For the third date, he invited me to his place because he wanted to make dinner for me. I agreed to come, I was ready to sleep with him anyways. I really liked him and I felt like he was genuinely interested in me, and since we have been talking EVERY day since early August I assumed this could maybe turn into something real. So the third date at his place went great as well. Hours of talking, laughing, he cooked dinner and really made an effort. At some point we started kissing and we slept together, it was so good and he made sure I had a great time. After sex, we lay in bed and talked for like an hour more, before we fell asleep. I felt like everything went so great, maybe the only red flag I saw is that he didn't cuddle me after sex, but I know that not every guy likes cuddling. At least he didn't turn away from me to sleep.
The next morning he had to go to work (I start work a few hours later than him), so he kissed me, told me there is breakfast in the fridge and that I should stay as long as I like. I left just half an hour later and went home to change etc. Just two hours after he said bye he messaged me saying 'I bet you're still in bed right? Haha' and we talked the entire day while we were both at work, til we went to sleep at night (Like one message every 1-2h).
Then- Today. He messaged me less than usual, asked less things but he still said a few things. Today we exchanged only 4 messages each (before that, it was more). I didn't think much of it because even before he sometimes needs hours to reply (and so did I), since he's busy at work. I then decided to ask him out for tonight (since he initiated 2 of the 3 first dates). He answered two hours later, just saying 'Tonight I can't '. No proposition of another day of anything. I just answered 'Haha okay'. Then, just minutes later, he wrote 'How are you anyways?' Told him I'm good and what I did today, and asked him back how he is.
That was SIX hours ago. I know, six hours isn't the world, but he was online so many times. Not one message from him since. I know I shouldn't, but I checked his online status several time. He still hasn't opened my message, but he was online many times so he saw it for sure. I'm really confused. I hardly ever go on THREE dates that go so incredibly well and then suddenly, from a day to the other, I get the vibe that he's not interested anymore. I mean, if he has no time tonight that's absolutely fine, but before he would always say a few things more, this time he doesnt say what he does tonight and he didn't even propose another day. And then he hasn't even replied to my last message for hours, even though he finished work about FOUR hours ago and was online so many times.
I guess in the end all he wanted was to sleep with me? I really don't know what could have gone wrong. I'm disappointed after all, and I don't know what happened.
What do you guys think? Any advice?
Thanks.
Actually, there is psychology at play here. this type of behavior actually makes the woman want the guy more. The escalating insecurities, etc..
I'd just hang tight and not worry about it. when he contacts you. play the same game.
Been there and done that, it's exciting for a bit but quickly you begin feeling empty inside. I guess some people are perfectly ok with that kind of arrangement, but today I am looking for more than just a quick hook up.
Well, it's not ideal, but then again dealing with broken goods just to stave off loneliness in our modern world where everyone's connected in every way except the ways that count I'd think it's a lesser of two evils.
Obviously most people don't have the luxury of choosing between the two, but some of us do.
I read somewhere that men separate love from sex. This is why they will marry a plain jane Christian that he loves to raise his kids but will screw a ***** on the side. If you put out too soon he may not think of you as marrying material but just as a hook up. If all you are looking for is sex than have at it but putting out way early maybe makes him lose respect .
I read somewhere that men separate love from sex. This is why they will marry a plain jane Christian that he loves to raise his kids but will screw a ***** on the side. If you put out too soon he may not think of you as marrying material but just as a hook up. If all you are looking for is sex than have at it but putting out way early maybe makes him lose respect .
Not really the case for every situation.
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