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Not sure if I just need to vent or want advice, probably both. So after being single for a pretty long time (I've had my fair share of first dates, so it's not like I wasn't looking- But usually I never liked those guys enough, and a few times I got ghosted after sleeping with the ones I did like), I decided to finally try Tinder. I had matches, a lot, but I still didn't feel like meeting anyone in real life for a long time (besides one guy over a year ago, but it wasn't a great date).
Except this one guy. We started talking early August (when he messaged me first) and our messages were long, interesting, funny, just great. He seemed really interested in me and he seemed like a great, mature (We're both 29) guy who got his **** together and after over ONE MONTH of talking literally every!) day, he asked me out.
A few days later we met- And spend 5 hours together eating, drinking, walking around, laughing, having a great time. Our conversation was so effortless, that doesn't happen very often I think. He seemed really interested in me, asked me many things about my life and I did the same, I felt like we really got to know each other better. He walked me home and we kissed. He messaged me 30 minutes later telling me that he has a great time and would love to see me again.
We met again, twice, so in total 3 dates. On the second date we basically did the same thing as for the first date and we even shared stories of the past, he told me for example that he was 5 years with his last girlfriend and they broke up last year. We had so many things in common. Again, he walked me home and we kissed. For the third date, he invited me to his place because he wanted to make dinner for me. I agreed to come, I was ready to sleep with him anyways. I really liked him and I felt like he was genuinely interested in me, and since we have been talking EVERY day since early August I assumed this could maybe turn into something real. So the third date at his place went great as well. Hours of talking, laughing, he cooked dinner and really made an effort. At some point we started kissing and we slept together, it was so good and he made sure I had a great time. After sex, we lay in bed and talked for like an hour more, before we fell asleep. I felt like everything went so great, maybe the only red flag I saw is that he didn't cuddle me after sex, but I know that not every guy likes cuddling. At least he didn't turn away from me to sleep.
The next morning he had to go to work (I start work a few hours later than him), so he kissed me, told me there is breakfast in the fridge and that I should stay as long as I like. I left just half an hour later and went home to change etc. Just two hours after he said bye he messaged me saying 'I bet you're still in bed right? Haha' and we talked the entire day while we were both at work, til we went to sleep at night (Like one message every 1-2h).
Then- Today. He messaged me less than usual, asked less things but he still said a few things. Today we exchanged only 4 messages each (before that, it was more). I didn't think much of it because even before he sometimes needs hours to reply (and so did I), since he's busy at work. I then decided to ask him out for tonight (since he initiated 2 of the 3 first dates). He answered two hours later, just saying 'Tonight I can't '. No proposition of another day of anything. I just answered 'Haha okay'. Then, just minutes later, he wrote 'How are you anyways?' Told him I'm good and what I did today, and asked him back how he is.
That was SIX hours ago. I know, six hours isn't the world, but he was online so many times. Not one message from him since. I know I shouldn't, but I checked his online status several time. He still hasn't opened my message, but he was online many times so he saw it for sure. I'm really confused. I hardly ever go on THREE dates that go so incredibly well and then suddenly, from a day to the other, I get the vibe that he's not interested anymore. I mean, if he has no time tonight that's absolutely fine, but before he would always say a few things more, this time he doesnt say what he does tonight and he didn't even propose another day. And then he hasn't even replied to my last message for hours, even though he finished work about FOUR hours ago and was online so many times.
I guess in the end all he wanted was to sleep with me? I really don't know what could have gone wrong. I'm disappointed after all, and I don't know what happened.
What do you guys think? Any advice?
I think you just need to keep some perspective here.
It's very difficult to judge the status of your situation based on texts/DMs. If there is ANY change in the pattern, it's very easy to freak out and assume the worst. So resist that temptation.
You've been "talking" a while. You had three great dates, and you had a great experience in bed together. You have to realize that the messaging pattern you had isn't REALLY sustainable in the real world.
Sure, he was in pursuit mode up to now. MAYBE he is backing off for whatever reason. But maybe he isn't.
Don't freak out. Go about your business as usual and be glad when you DO chat.
Maybe he is busy. Maybe he has a life.the pressure of chasing is off and he now tends to his life a little more again.
come back on Saturday if you dont hear from him until then.
Exactly. When first dating you spend time getting to know each other and wooing each other. I would say maybe now he is taking a step back because he believes he has has you and now wants to focus on other things.
Also when dating you have to expect that person may be looking for other people, if you aren't official....don't expect that person to give you all of their time.
I would say next time you talk to him you ask him what it is he is looking for and not to put any pressure but does he see himself wanting to continue with you.
I don't know...from what you're describing, it sounds like he was really into you, so try not to jump to the conclusion (yet) that all he wanted was sex. All guys want sex, but he seems to have put a fair amount of effort into it.
2 things pop in my head. Someone he met previously has popped into the picture, or maybe an ex is back in the picture, and he feels conflicted.
Or, life got real busy and real hectic.
It seems like (to me) if the only goal (for him) was to sleep with you, then he would not be responding to any of your texts, and would've completely ghosted you by now.
I have a feeling he will reach out to you at some point, but it might not be happy for you. My gut feeling, for what it's worth, is that someone from his past has come back into his life.
Thanks for your answers so far. He just messaged me back.. but just saying one sentence. No question or anything. I don't know.. i feel like he's not interested anymore because he acts the way I act when I'm not really interested in someone but don't wanna be rude and tell them that I'm not, and also because all the guys I ever dated were so into me from the start that they would message me and want to meet all the time.
I guess today I just won't answer.. it's almost 11pm here. And I guess i shouldnt even ask if he has plans for the weekend.. if he wanted to see me he would ask :/
If you can see he's online, then he can see you're online --quit checking his status that'll just drive you nuts.
The next time he texts you or messages you, ask him if Saturday would work any better. If he says no, the ball's in his court and keep your other options open.
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'. No proposition of another day of anything. I just answered 'Haha okay'. Then, just minutes later, he wrote 'How are you anyways?' Told him I'm good and what I did today, and asked him back how he is.
