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I think it's sad that you think the best part of a relationship is the very beginning, and that 8 responses is representative of all women. I'd hazard a guess that a majority of people in long-term relationships and marriages wouldn't trade all that they've built together for that initial rush and hormone-clouded thinking.
I would bet you are right, because in real life that was only the first few weeks - months of the relationship. the idea of the thread is if the way you felt in those first few months never wore off.
I know this because the honeymoon phase does not wear off for me and most problems in my relationships don't start until the cocktail starts to wear thin in the person I'm with and all of a sudden I feel like I'm being penciled in for time together.
And yes the very beginning is the best part of a relationship, it's the part in which both parties treat each other the best, when they are the most considerate, the most attentive, and the most passionate towards each other. just look at any new couple in your circle and how they treat each other, how the inter act with each other, THAT'S HOW IT SHOULD BE!!! with few(damn lucky) exceptions most long term couples treat each other like roommates who happen to sleep with each other from time to time, or friends that hook up when they have nothing else going on. sadly there do seem to be exceptions out there but they seem rare, (everyone knows that one couple who have been together for years but act like they've been dating a week you know, the "get a room you two" couple). depressingly most couples I know who are my age who are that connected got together in their teens or earlier, and stayed together through the years not acquiring the damage that most of us have. It's depressing because at 47 my odds of finding that person is very slim because I did not meet them at 14.
even you must admit there is no greater feeling(at least not without artificial means being employed).
And yes this is a small sample group but the poll seems split directly on gender lines, that even surprised me, I expected women to lean towards no but I did not expect ALL of them to vote no.
I am suprised too I thought women lived for passion,the way romance novels sell.
Sometimes I think I could be contented with just nesting together all the time - it truly lasts,and when you're in hard times it will see you through.but other times I want someone who kisses the flame,wild passion,declarations,tragic love letters,high electricity all the time.
It's not just "hormones" to me,are people really so unromantic and perfunctory to just reduce everything to chemicals.
Last edited by Katiethegreat; 09-24-2017 at 12:21 AM..
I am suprised too I thought women lived for passion,the way romance novels sell.
Sometimes I think I could be contented with just nesting together all the time - it truly lasts,and when you're in hard times it will see you through.but other times I want someone who kisses the flame,wild passion,declarations,tragic love letters,high electricity all the time.
It's not just "hormones" to me,are people really so unromantic and perfunctory to just reduce everything to chemicals.
You are right, it's not JUST hormones, for the hormones to take effect there has to be mutual attraction, you have to click personality wise, think of it this way, your brain is looking for a certain set of criteria, when enough of the boxes are checked your brain goes into gear trying to get you to procreate with the one your instincts determined was a match. a lot goes into this, some instinctual, some cultural, some based on life experience association and romantic imprinting, which is the reason some people date the same type of person over and over because their first good experience was with that type of person.
But anyway when all or most of the pieces are in place your brain then kicks in the chemicals so you don't mess this up, then eases off the cocktail ones you have become used to each other unfortunately the lives of humans has become to complex to keep treating their partner as they should out of mere habit as nature has set up, too many other distractions. So it would be so much better of the cocktail lasted much much much longer, for life would be nice.
How do they effect you? seems to me most problems in a relationship start AFTER the cocktail wears off.
during this phase a couple treats their partners as they should be treated(exception being abusive people), and the best is you aren't even trying the good boyfriend/girlfriend gene just kicks in and you a happy to be considerate, loving, passionate and attentive. You don't have to remind yourself to not take your partner for granted because he/she is always on your mind and in your thoughts anyway.
people say that relationships are work, well they don't seem like work at all when in the honeymoon phase people just do the right thing on instinct.
For me, it's a feeling of being swept off my feet and carried away by sexual attraction that may or may not be based on anything substantial or real. It's the "love is blind" phase and when it wears off, you begin to see the real person. When I'm in that temporary state, I cannot see the glaring incompatibilities, so I make bad decisions. It is an unreasoned passion, if that makes sense. I can lose myself in the other person and I tend to neglect my own needs as well as other aspects of my life.
For example, while in deep infatuation, I would not be able to focus on building a business, or getting my PHD, because I am spending too much of my mental and emotional energy on the other person. I think that infatuation phase is, for me, partially borne out of insecurity, to be honest.
My husband and I are both passionate, highly sexed people, and our courtship was epic, so it's not like I didn't enjoy it. It was delicious and because we are truly compatible, those early days solidified our bond and is what we built the foundation of our deepening love on. I'm glad we experienced that. When I am angry I look back on those early days to remind myself why I put up with him. Ha, ha. And same for him, I have no doubt.
I do agree that we should not take our partners for granted, and we should make a point to treat them with the same thoughtfulness we demonstrated in the beginning. I just don't like the overwhelming insecure feeling and anxiousness of infatuation. I feel most passionate and happy when I can be vulnerable and have complete trust and confidence in my paetner, knowing our love is real and we have a stable relationship.
Last edited by Butterflyfish; 09-24-2017 at 03:59 PM..
Just a thought, I don't have data to back up my theory, but I think one reason why the poll is divided by gender may be because women like myself, get "swept away" and lose ourselves after we have sexually bonded with a man. Whereas men, in my experience, get swept away and go to such great lengths to woo a women before sex, but they come back down to planet Earth afterwards.
For me, it's a feeling of being swept off my feet and carried away by sexual attraction that may or may not be based on anything substantial or real. It's the "love is blind" phase and when it wears off, you begin to see the real person. When I'm in that temporary state, I cannot see the glaring incompatibilities, so I make bad decisions. It is an unreasoned passion, if that makes sense. I can lose myself in the other person and I tend to neglect my own needs as well as other aspects of my life.
For example, while in deep infatuation, I would not be able to focus on building a business, or getting my PHD, because I am spending too much of my mental and emotional energy on the other person. I think that infatuation phase is, for me, partially borne out of insecurity, to be honest.
My husband and I are both passionate, highly sexed people, and our courtship was epic, so it's not like I didn't enjoy it. It was delicious and because we are truly compatible, those early days solidified our bond and is what we built the foundation of our deepening love on. I'm glad we experienced that. When I am angry I look back on those early days to remind myself why I put up with him. Ha, ha. And same for him, I have no doubt.
I do agree that we should not take our partners for granted, and we should make a point to treat them with the same thoughtfulness we demonstrated in the beginning. I just don't like the overwhelming insecure feeling and anxiousness of infatuation. I feel most passionate and happy when I can be vulnerable and have complete trust and confidence in my paetner, knowing our love is real and we have a stable relationship.
Don't worry that honeymoon phase in not a sign of insecurity, unless 90+% of humans are insecure(the exception being asexual s and those with no sex-drive what so ever).
and putting a career above the quest for love is so foreign to me. I tend to think of any choice in terms of absolutes and end result of goal. for example: the choice between capitalism and socialism.
Capitalism end goal = very poor people and very wealthy people everyone in the middle fighting it out in the open market.
Socialism end goal = no wealthy people but no poor people either everyone across the board working towards the common good.
winner socialism less over all suffering.
relationship vs career.
relationship end result to the exclusion of all.
life spent with someone you love, hard times don't seem as bad.
career to the exclusion of all.
comfortable lonely life, things never filling the void.
If they put rats in cages with sexual partners and unlimited access to drugs, they just have sex and do drugs until they OD.
You know, people are very similar. We need to have other things in life that we do besides have sex all the time.
The really cool thing about not being all starry-eyed 24/7 is the moments when you get caught up in feeling that way out of the blue.
It's really great. I've been with my husband for 12 years now and the way he laughs when something I say catches him off guard and is genuinely funny to him still gives me goosebumps.
I would not trade that for being all doe-eyed like I was when we first met.
That sort of feeling isn't sustainable and I would never have gotten anything else done if I walked around that way every minute of every day for 12 plus years now. It's good to diversify.
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