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OP, he puts you in a state of longing and feeling upset/insecure by not communicating when you are apart in the normal course of a week or couple weeks. He is withholding and sounds somewhat dismissive too. But the withholding part can be emotionally painful. Feeling the longing and wanting some communication and attention (when apart) puts one in a state of emotional pain.
Sometimes the together part does not compensate enough for all the withholding, emotional pain, dismissiveness, and being told you have some sort of disorder for wanting texts or emails when you're apart.
Even though he is emotionally avoidant (your term for describing him) he may also be deliberately withholding because he gets some gratification from it or he uses withholding to control your emotions or he is manipulative and holds the one-up in the relationship by withholding.
If he can't be somewhat consistent in the regular give and take of a relationship, it doesn't bode well for a future commitment or remaining together.
Last edited by matisse12; 09-25-2017 at 08:28 PM..
OP, he puts you in state of longing and feeling upset/insecure by not communicating when you are apart in the normal course of a week or couple weeks. He is withholding and sounds somewhat dismissive too. But the withholding part can be emotionally painful. Feeling the longing and wanting some communication and attention (when apart) puts one in a state of emotional pain.
Sometimes the together part does not compensate enough for all the withholding, dismissiveness, and being told you have some sort of disorder for wanting texts or emails when you're apart.
Even though he is emotionally avoidant (your term for describing him) he may also be deliberately withholding because he gets some gratification from it or he uses withholding to control your emotions or he is manipulative and holds the one-up in the relationship by withholding.
If he can't be somewhat consistent in the regular give and take of a relationship, it doesn't bode well for a future commitment or remaining together.
Thank you for this well thought out post. I do get these feelings and it is not worth it. I have read many posts making assumptions that are not true. It worked awhile with my schedule and time, but I can see he will never change this style of avoiding non conflict as conflict, conflict, and his very noticeable discomfort with sharing or showing emotions.
This is complete nonsense. Just because there are some women out there with self-esteem issues, drama issues, and the like, doesn't mean it's a rule about womankind. Dude, stop dating trailer trash, and you, too, can win, and have a happy life! You admit, yourself, that you have limited experience with women. In the future, look for those who have their act together, and are looking for good, stable, considerate guys. I suspect that it's you, who has a subconscious need for drama. That would explain why apparently all your dating history has involved it. You'd probably think the down-to-earth, stable, happy women are boring.
Haha. Gotta love that classic RP and MGTOW claptrap. Maybe I missed the memo on dating these "bad boys." Are band geeks "bad boys," and tabletop gamers, or those comic book geeks? Good to know. Those bad boys rock their shyness, introversion and nerdism, oh, and their smooth-talk and charisma. Who are these "bad boys," exactly?
Lolol. Nope. Fortunately, I've not dated a douchebag, even the Nice Guyâ„¢ kind.
OP, you two are incompatible, have been since the start, when it was already a nonstarter, and no amount dissecting his behavioral and personality traits is going to change that. Why continue wasting time on a doomed "relationship"?
Haha. Gotta love that classic RP and MGTOW claptrap. Maybe I missed the memo on dating these "bad boys." Are band geeks "bad boys," and tabletop gamers, or those comic book geeks? Good to know. Those bad boys rock their shyness, introversion and nerdism, oh, and their smooth-talk and charisma. Who are these "bad boys," exactly?
Lolol. Nope. Fortunately, I've not dated a douchebag, even the Nice Guyâ„¢ kind.
OP, you two are incompatible, have been since the start, when it was already a nonstarter, and no amount dissecting his behavioral and personality traits is going to change that. Why continue wasting time on a doomed "relationship"?
We are incompatible with communication styles, but have been drawing back and forth for 6 years because of chemistry and closeness when together. He opens up a little and then clenches down. I am not a victim. I chose to be with him. I enjoyed it. I am happy and content being alone, but am starting to feel I want more companionship. I want to find someone compatible, that is okay with not texting 24/7 and one that does not need constant attention, a normal easy going relationship with both being comfortable with each other's hobbies and the time put forth into them.
Have you spoken to someone about your chronic depression issues?
What you wrote in your first post in comparison to your last in this thread describing what you desire from someone comes off as a little all over the place.
what does an "easy going" relationship mean to you?
Just coming and going as you please?
That seems to be part of your issues now with maintaining an emotional investment.
"Investment" requires "investing" if you both just come and go as you please you're not really building up much "investments" with one another.
You're just using each other to sustain yourselves through your bouts of loneliness.
Ultimately what's your purpose for wanting to be with another?
What do you want out of them?
Being together off and on for 6 years is a big investment. Even if the relationship does not have a agreed upon commitment and even if the relationship does not have a future in continually to see each other, it's still a big investment of emotion, feelings, time, and energy.
It can be difficult to end a relationship after having a person in one's life for many years, and after investing in the person and often enjoying time together.
At some point, sometimes the problems in a relationship start to outweigh the positives.
Last edited by matisse12; 09-26-2017 at 06:01 PM..
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