Welcome to City-Data.com Forum!
U.S. CitiesCity-Data Forum Index
Go Back   City-Data Forum > General Forums > Relationships
 [Register]
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
View detailed profile (Advanced) or search
site with Google Custom Search

Search Forums  (Advanced)
Reply Start New Thread
 
Old 09-25-2017, 03:47 PM
 
39 posts, read 26,353 times
Reputation: 55

Advertisements

So my bf and I have been going out for a couple months. Problem is that he still has his ex's stuff (pots, pans etc), that he plans on giving back to her. They have been separated nearly a year. From past experiences w/guys dealing w/ex's, I knew I had to put my foot down. I should have not agreed to be exclusive until he got rid of it (stupid move, I know).

The reason why the ultimatum came up was I found out they had a pretty volatile relationship where they would break up and get back together again. According to him she was a very toxic jealous person (Idk what happened, but I just want her out of his life). She has been dragging her feet in collecting her things and I honestly believe she is doing that to remain in his life, so that he doesn't cut her off completely. I feel like once she finds out about us, she will be back in his life (she does text him occasionally).

I always get rid of exes. I know how hard break ups are, but you have to move on. The ultimatum included a date where her stuff has to be gone, I gave him almost 2 months. This will be hard, but I will leave if her stuff isn't gone, idk why, but I feel that he has some attachment if he can't get rid of her stuff one way or another.

Funny enough he got jealous when a guy I dated briefly messaged me (this guy I dated for a very short period of time and I had no feelings for him). The only reason I told him was because the other guy was a total control freak and I didn't know whether he would cause me issues. I didn't want my bf to think I was talking to a former guy behind his back. I told the other guy I didn't want to message him anymore at all and that was that. Did I make a mistake? btw he has been talking about getting rid of her things since we 1st started dating (nearly 5 months ago).
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message

 
Old 09-25-2017, 03:55 PM
 
Location: So Cal
52,013 posts, read 52,473,211 times
Reputation: 52530
You draw that line in the sand you had best own up to it. I've never had to do an ultimatum as most mature adults can work through some of this stuff. Pots and pans, whatever.

You may have just lost what might have been a good thing. I don't know, just sayin.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 09-25-2017, 04:06 PM
 
39 posts, read 26,353 times
Reputation: 55
Quote:
Originally Posted by Chowhound View Post
You draw that line in the sand you had best own up to it. I've never had to do an ultimatum as most mature adults can work through some of this stuff. Pots and pans, whatever.

You may have just lost what might have been a good thing. I don't know, just sayin.
Its not about the stuff, but about his ex. I have talked to him quite a few times how uncomfortable him having her stuff makes me.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 09-25-2017, 04:08 PM
 
Location: Brentwood, Tennessee
49,932 posts, read 59,761,388 times
Reputation: 98359
I'd be cooking him up a bunch of chicken and dumplings in those pots lol.

"Dis mine now!"
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 09-25-2017, 04:09 PM
 
Location: So Cal
52,013 posts, read 52,473,211 times
Reputation: 52530
Quote:
Originally Posted by Trulyhapyy2017 View Post
Its not about the stuff, but because it seems like he cannot let go. If those were owned by anyone else (family, friends etc), I wouldn't give a crap.
I understand it what they represent. I get that. There are two ways to view this, at least to me. One is that he truly isn't over her or that he's just a lazy procrastinator type. I'm leaning toward the first.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 09-25-2017, 04:12 PM
 
1,178 posts, read 683,438 times
Reputation: 1187
Quote:
Originally Posted by wmsn4life View Post
i'd be cooking him up a bunch of chicken and dumplings in those pots lol.

"dis mine now!"

Heh heh. This is funny. I'd do that too.

Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 09-25-2017, 04:15 PM
 
Location: Long Island, NY
7,844 posts, read 13,205,283 times
Reputation: 9247
Quote:
Originally Posted by Wmsn4Life View Post
I'd be cooking him up a bunch of chicken and dumplings in those pots lol.

"Dis mine now!"

Seriously lol...it's been a year and he still has her pots and pans?


Maybe it's him that has the attachment because if I were the ex, those pots and pans would be the 1st thing that I'd pack. I want to say I'm pretty sure she got herself a new set of pots and pans.


I don't do ultimatums.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 09-25-2017, 04:16 PM
 
39 posts, read 26,353 times
Reputation: 55
Quote:
Originally Posted by Chowhound View Post
I understand it what they represent. I get that. There are two ways to view this, at least to me. One is that he truly isn't over her or that he's just a lazy procrastinator type. I'm leaning toward the first.
He has told me, he feels bad getting rid of the stuff, that its valuable to her. If something is that valuable she would have already taken it all...He said he would get rid of it by my deadline, I hope so.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 09-25-2017, 04:18 PM
 
Location: So Cal
52,013 posts, read 52,473,211 times
Reputation: 52530
Quote:
Originally Posted by Trulyhapyy2017 View Post
He has told me, he feels bad getting rid of the stuff, that its valuable to her. If something is that valuable she would have already taken it all...He said he would get rid of it by my deadline, I hope so.
Time will tell. Hopefully he does, assuming you want to stay with him.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 09-25-2017, 04:19 PM
 
Location: Long Island, NY
7,844 posts, read 13,205,283 times
Reputation: 9247
Quote:
Originally Posted by Trulyhapyy2017 View Post
He has told me, he feels bad getting rid of the stuff, that its valuable to her. If something is that valuable she would have already taken it all...He said he would get rid of it by my deadline, I hope so.
Exactly. If the items were valuable to her (not just monetary but also sentiments), I would think she would have taken them with her sooner. If he's feeling "bad", I'm guessing he's too attached.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.

Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.


Reply
Please update this thread with any new information or opinions. This open thread is still read by thousands of people, so we encourage all additional points of view.

Quick Reply
Message:

Over $104,000 in prizes was already given out to active posters on our forum and additional giveaways are planned!

Go Back   City-Data Forum > General Forums > Relationships
Similar Threads

All times are GMT -6. The time now is 12:36 AM.

© 2005-2024, Advameg, Inc. · Please obey Forum Rules · Terms of Use and Privacy Policy · Bug Bounty

City-Data.com - Contact Us - Archive 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25, 26, 27, 28, 29, 30, 31, 32, 33, 34, 35, 36, 37 - Top