I gave him an ultimatum/did I make a mistake? (dating, guy)
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So my bf and I have been going out for a couple months. Problem is that he still has his ex's stuff (pots, pans etc), that he plans on giving back to her. They have been separated nearly a year. From past experiences w/guys dealing w/ex's, I knew I had to put my foot down. I should have not agreed to be exclusive until he got rid of it (stupid move, I know).
The reason why the ultimatum came up was I found out they had a pretty volatile relationship where they would break up and get back together again. According to him she was a very toxic jealous person (Idk what happened, but I just want her out of his life). She has been dragging her feet in collecting her things and I honestly believe she is doing that to remain in his life, so that he doesn't cut her off completely. I feel like once she finds out about us, she will be back in his life (she does text him occasionally).
I always get rid of exes. I know how hard break ups are, but you have to move on. The ultimatum included a date where her stuff has to be gone, I gave him almost 2 months. This will be hard, but I will leave if her stuff isn't gone, idk why, but I feel that he has some attachment if he can't get rid of her stuff one way or another.
Funny enough he got jealous when a guy I dated briefly messaged me (this guy I dated for a very short period of time and I had no feelings for him). The only reason I told him was because the other guy was a total control freak and I didn't know whether he would cause me issues. I didn't want my bf to think I was talking to a former guy behind his back. I told the other guy I didn't want to message him anymore at all and that was that. Did I make a mistake? btw he has been talking about getting rid of her things since we 1st started dating (nearly 5 months ago).
You draw that line in the sand you had best own up to it. I've never had to do an ultimatum as most mature adults can work through some of this stuff. Pots and pans, whatever.
You may have just lost what might have been a good thing. I don't know, just sayin.
You draw that line in the sand you had best own up to it. I've never had to do an ultimatum as most mature adults can work through some of this stuff. Pots and pans, whatever.
You may have just lost what might have been a good thing. I don't know, just sayin.
Its not about the stuff, but about his ex. I have talked to him quite a few times how uncomfortable him having her stuff makes me.
Its not about the stuff, but because it seems like he cannot let go. If those were owned by anyone else (family, friends etc), I wouldn't give a crap.
I understand it what they represent. I get that. There are two ways to view this, at least to me. One is that he truly isn't over her or that he's just a lazy procrastinator type. I'm leaning toward the first.
I'd be cooking him up a bunch of chicken and dumplings in those pots lol.
"Dis mine now!"
Seriously lol...it's been a year and he still has her pots and pans?
Maybe it's him that has the attachment because if I were the ex, those pots and pans would be the 1st thing that I'd pack. I want to say I'm pretty sure she got herself a new set of pots and pans.
I understand it what they represent. I get that. There are two ways to view this, at least to me. One is that he truly isn't over her or that he's just a lazy procrastinator type. I'm leaning toward the first.
He has told me, he feels bad getting rid of the stuff, that its valuable to her. If something is that valuable she would have already taken it all...He said he would get rid of it by my deadline, I hope so.
He has told me, he feels bad getting rid of the stuff, that its valuable to her. If something is that valuable she would have already taken it all...He said he would get rid of it by my deadline, I hope so.
Time will tell. Hopefully he does, assuming you want to stay with him.
He has told me, he feels bad getting rid of the stuff, that its valuable to her. If something is that valuable she would have already taken it all...He said he would get rid of it by my deadline, I hope so.
Exactly. If the items were valuable to her (not just monetary but also sentiments), I would think she would have taken them with her sooner. If he's feeling "bad", I'm guessing he's too attached.
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