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Old 09-29-2017, 09:19 PM
 
2,970 posts, read 2,758,859 times
Reputation: 3176

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Quote:
Originally Posted by vacuumbed View Post
I never ignore my girlfriend, I listen to her concerns. To be fair, my old friend has jealousy issues that I think stem from her mental illness, and it has caused some turbulence in my current relationship with my girlfriend.
OP:

Regarding the bolded part in pink...

That does need to be addressed ASAP.

Otherwise it will cause worse problems.

Then you may not have a girlfriend anymore.

Do you want that to happen?
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Old 09-29-2017, 10:11 PM
 
Location: Scottsdale, AZ
16,961 posts, read 17,262,694 times
Reputation: 30254
Very reasonable ultimatum, IMO.

You really dont need a mentally ill jealous friend that want/wanted to be sexual with you, contacting you on a daily basis.

This just isn't a smart move when youre in a relatioship, Bro. Its STUPID!
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Old 09-29-2017, 10:13 PM
 
Location: Canada
11,760 posts, read 11,966,574 times
Reputation: 30208
Quote:
Originally Posted by vacuumbed View Post
I never ignore my girlfriend, I listen to her concerns. To be fair, my old friend has jealousy issues that I think stem from her mental illness, and it has caused some turbulence in my current relationship with my girlfriend.
Are you willing to allow your friend's issues to chase off your current girlfriend or future ones? That's not something a friend should be doing, and I question how healthy it is for you to be in such close contact with this friend.
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Old 09-29-2017, 10:17 PM
 
35,095 posts, read 51,043,204 times
Reputation: 62662
Quote:
Originally Posted by vacuumbed View Post
My girlfriend gave me an ultimatum.

I had a female friend whom lived with me for a year, and is a bit mentally ill. We were not sexual, although she did want to be sexual. Now she lives in another state and we communicate daily. I care a lot for her.

Now, my current girlfriend doesn't want me speaking to her at all. Is this right for her to ask of me?
Any ultimatum gets show the door immediately especially when it comes to friends and family.
I do not and will not ask anyone's permission to talk to and be friends with anyone I want to.
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Old 09-29-2017, 10:21 PM
 
35,095 posts, read 51,043,204 times
Reputation: 62662
Quote:
Originally Posted by gypsychic View Post
Your girlfriend has a right to be upset. Daily communication seems to me is excessive. I know I would be upset with that.

You need to evaulate who you care for the most, and proceed accordingly.
So he should ask his girlfriend's permission to get dressed, eat, shower, pp, drive, call his Mother?
The girlfriend has no *right* to be upset, especially when the friendship preceded the girlfriend for at least one year and probably 2 or 3 years.
The girlfriend is controlling and manipulative giving an *ultimatum*, HA.......her and her ultimatum would already be out of the door and blocked from all access.
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Old 09-29-2017, 10:43 PM
 
Location: 415->916->602
3,145 posts, read 2,640,138 times
Reputation: 3872
Quote:
Originally Posted by vacuumbed View Post
My girlfriend gave me an ultimatum.

I had a female friend whom lived with me for a year, and is a bit mentally ill. We were not sexual, although she did want to be sexual. Now she lives in another state and we communicate daily. I care a lot for her.

Now, my current girlfriend doesn't want me speaking to her at all. Is this right for her to ask of me?
I was on your side until I read the bolded. Dude, you're playing with fire....
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Old 09-29-2017, 11:14 PM
 
10,341 posts, read 5,832,269 times
Reputation: 17884
Quote:
Originally Posted by 49erfan916 View Post
I was on your side until I read the bolded. Dude, you're playing with fire....
Yeah ...she used to live with him
she wanted to be sexual
she has mental health issues
she has jealousy issues
she has caused other turbulence in his present relationship.
I don't understand where there is even a question here. He's lucky he still has a gf.
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Old 09-29-2017, 11:20 PM
 
Location: Brentwood, Tennessee
49,932 posts, read 59,671,004 times
Reputation: 98359
I don't even talk to my own mom every day.

You're letting this girl use you, OP. You can care for her without allowing her to be such a dominant and dominating influence in your life.

I agree that ultimatums are distasteful, but maybe your girlfriend is desperate to do something about a situation that you've allowed to become intrusive.

I would tactfully suggest to the friend that you talk once a week.

What is the nature of her "somewhat" mental illness?
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Old 09-29-2017, 11:37 PM
 
8,781 posts, read 9,416,867 times
Reputation: 9547
If Your friend wanted things to go sexual and has made it know it's a little different than "just friends" even if you have no intention to do anything with that information yourself

It extremely bad taste and judgment that undermines your current relationship by excusing other people's intentions and motivations and creates a peer group that can only serve to influence you in the wrong direction

It's your call, but don't expect your current girl to stay around long if you choose to keep company with people who wish they could sleep with you.

The mental illness thing sounds like nothing more than a scapegoat to excuse behavior.

Last edited by rego00123; 09-29-2017 at 11:50 PM..
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Old 09-29-2017, 11:49 PM
 
Location: Scottsdale, AZ
16,961 posts, read 17,262,694 times
Reputation: 30254
Quote:
Originally Posted by Wmsn4Life View Post
I don't even talk to my own mom every day.

You're letting this girl use you, OP. You can care for her without allowing her to be such a dominant and dominating influence in your life.

I agree that ultimatums are distasteful, but maybe your girlfriend is desperate to do something about a situation that you've allowed to become intrusive.

I would tactfully suggest to the friend that you talk once a week.

What is the nature of her "somewhat" mental illness?
Hes keeping his options open just in case his current relatioship goes south. We guys know how mentally ill women are in bed, LOl
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