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Old 10-05-2017, 10:56 AM
 
13,262 posts, read 7,978,903 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Senunni View Post
I really don't know what to think. I know these facts, but I really think that he have some right reasons to not tell his parents about me now. But on another hand, I don't know if i can wait until next year to him fulfill his promise. Bcs i know that if i wait and that doesn't happen, i will have a major emotional issue.
Im between 2 choices: i can wait until he goes back from Singapore (having some fear that maybe he do not tell his parents. If he dont, then i will be able to break up. )
Another one is that i can break up now, bcs in feeling that he fears that. (I just didn't that bcs im afraid that he is really serious with me as he said, and, like me, is trying to have a good chance to tell.

I would be somewhat insulted, and I couldn't take the relationship seriously, if a guy isn't willing to tell his parents about me. He's not being a man. He's being a little boy.


If it were me, I'd tell him to live his life, and go to Singapore, and make his convoluted plans...and MAYBE you'll be there for him when he comes back...and maybe not. I wouldn't want to be with a man who's afraid to tell his parents about me.


I feel like you're wasting your time with him.
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Old 10-05-2017, 11:06 AM
 
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Reputation: 21
I was thinking like that before, but after knowing his culture, its an huge issue to tell parents about any relationship, bcs they will think right after about marriage. Or forbid the relationship going on. What he says its that he needs to end his MBA and stand in his own feet to do what he wants. This is running at my mind... if he is real and serious with me? If he is just living an romance that he cant go further? This is so hard to know. I wish I could know the future.
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Old 10-05-2017, 11:38 AM
 
Location: Brentwood, Tennessee
49,932 posts, read 59,754,614 times
Reputation: 98359
Quote:
Originally Posted by Senunni View Post
I was thinking like that before, but after knowing his culture, its an huge issue to tell parents about any relationship, bcs they will think right after about marriage. Or forbid the relationship going on. What he says its that he needs to end his MBA and stand in his own feet to do what he wants. This is running at my mind... if he is real and serious with me? If he is just living an romance that he cant go further? This is so hard to know. I wish I could know the future.
The chances are very, very slim that he will buck thousands of years of cultural tradition for you, a person who he may have feelings for but has never met.

You should be realistic and tell him that for now you need to stop talking and let him contact you when he makes up his mind.

I would not wait around for this very small possibility.
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Old 10-05-2017, 01:08 PM
 
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Idk, I already thought about this, but when I remember, if he have done this thing "make your mind then after we can talk" , to me some days ago, i would refuse to tell my mom. I just made that bcs i found an opportunity to tell in a right way. I just put myself on his place. I made the same thing to him for 6 months. :/ i think that i will try to prepare myself, going more slow with contact to him.
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Old 10-05-2017, 01:56 PM
 
Location: Brentwood, Tennessee
49,932 posts, read 59,754,614 times
Reputation: 98359
Quote:
Originally Posted by Senunni View Post
i think that i will try to prepare myself, going more slow with contact to him.
Honestly, I think that is very wise.

When you told your mom about him, that was a very mature way to approach a relationship. It shows respect for your mother, but it also shows HER that you are an adult who is making her own decisions about her own life.

I would take that courage and turn toward building friendships/relationships with people in your own hometown so that you won't have SO many obstacles as this online relationship does.
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Old 10-05-2017, 02:47 PM
 
Location: West Loop Chicago
1,059 posts, read 1,554,456 times
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I've been dating a woman from Pakistan for 8 months, and living together for 4 months. We've gone on trips together. Her family has no idea about me, and she has no intention to tell them anytime soon. On the other hand, she's met my entire family. She constantly has to make excuses to reject marriage prospects that her family suggests, and recently it seems they're finally starting to give up on the idea that she'll be married off to a guy from the Subcontinent.

Look, I know it's a bit unusual from a Western perspective to have a "secret relationship" but it is a cultural thing you just have to accept (or not, and find a Western partner).

It doesn't bother me that much to be a secret from her family -- the bottom line is I have her, and that's all that matters. I understand for the OP, being newer to the relationship game, and not having an in-person relationship with the guy, this could be a lot harder to navigate emotionally.
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Old 10-05-2017, 03:52 PM
 
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Yes this is very true. What i learned through researches that i made is that the person can be really into you, but not telling family doesn't mean that he or she is ashamed of you. The thing is that, even if i had him with me, in person, i will want something more than stay as girlfriend. Even secret girlfriend i can handle, but only if he is into a future commitment with me. Once, i said to him that, if he wanted me to "tease him in sexual way" (wich ive done with some limits, bcs i think that doing some stuff like that on call or video is a stupid thing), then i could not marry him. I should stay as gf forever and will not marry. Well, he freaked out. Asking if when I accepted his proposal, i was "playing games", that he will not talk about sexuality bcs he is afraid of me leaving him or not marrying him. I broke up with him some times...thats why i need to be careful with our relationship for now, since communication its poor, can make a lot of misunderstandings.
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Old 10-05-2017, 05:34 PM
 
4,043 posts, read 3,755,140 times
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I'm a little familiar with Indian culture. I've had some friends from India and my ex's roommate was from India. What I know about that culture in terms of relationships is, they tend to be very traditional, especially the parents. Some of the marriages are still arranged from their parents. They usually don't want their children marrying outside their culture. Parents also get very pushy for their kids to marry and give them grandchildren after a certain age.

Another thing is, and I'm not saying this for every wealthy person in India... but if the parents have money, they usually have maids at home. This allows the kids to expect other people to clean up after them. My ex got really frustrated with his roommate when he seemed incapable of cleaning up after himself. Again, not saying every Indian household with a maid is like this, but you definitely want to get to know this guy well first before rushing in and possibly becoming his maid.
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Old 10-05-2017, 05:49 PM
 
44 posts, read 34,470 times
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Yes, they have a maid. Even, his family have a good condition. Even he told me that if i wanted i could work after finishing my college, i mean, according to him, his family is very "modern" and a lot of love marriages happened.
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Old 10-05-2017, 06:04 PM
 
5,722 posts, read 5,786,399 times
Reputation: 4381
Quote:
Originally Posted by Senunni View Post
Yes, they have a maid. Even, his family have a good condition. Even he told me that if i wanted i could work after finishing my college, i mean, according to him, his family is very "modern" and a lot of love marriages happened.
Yeah, just not with women from Brazil.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Hendu View Post
I've been dating a woman from Pakistan for 8 months, and living together for 4 months. We've gone on trips together. Her family has no idea about me, and she has no intention to tell them anytime soon. On the other hand, she's met my entire family. She constantly has to make excuses to reject marriage prospects that her family suggests, and recently it seems they're finally starting to give up on the idea that she'll be married off to a guy from the Subcontinent.

Look, I know it's a bit unusual from a Western perspective to have a "secret relationship" but it is a cultural thing you just have to accept (or not, and find a Western partner).

It doesn't bother me that much to be a secret from her family -- the bottom line is I have her, and that's all that matters. I understand for the OP, being newer to the relationship game, and not having an in-person relationship with the guy, this could be a lot harder to navigate emotionally.
Is she expecting you to convert to appease the family?
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