Welcome to City-Data.com Forum!
U.S. CitiesCity-Data Forum Index
Go Back   City-Data Forum > General Forums > Relationships
 [Register]
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
View detailed profile (Advanced) or search
site with Google Custom Search

Search Forums  (Advanced)
Reply Start New Thread
 
Old 10-05-2017, 06:55 PM
 
44 posts, read 34,470 times
Reputation: 21

Advertisements

And not with a foreign:P
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message

 
Old 10-05-2017, 07:00 PM
 
35,095 posts, read 51,103,864 times
Reputation: 62664
OP,
If you are fine with him telling his family two lies about you, one that you are *friends* only and the other that you met in Singapore then carry on.
Otherwise walk away and don't look back
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 10-05-2017, 07:12 PM
 
Location: Central IL
20,726 posts, read 16,283,321 times
Reputation: 50370
Quote:
Originally Posted by Hendu View Post
I've been dating a woman from Pakistan for 8 months, and living together for 4 months. We've gone on trips together. Her family has no idea about me, and she has no intention to tell them anytime soon. On the other hand, she's met my entire family. She constantly has to make excuses to reject marriage prospects that her family suggests, and recently it seems they're finally starting to give up on the idea that she'll be married off to a guy from the Subcontinent.

Look, I know it's a bit unusual from a Western perspective to have a "secret relationship" but it is a cultural thing you just have to accept (or not, and find a Western partner).

It doesn't bother me that much to be a secret from her family -- the bottom line is I have her, and that's all that matters. I understand for the OP, being newer to the relationship game, and not having an in-person relationship with the guy, this could be a lot harder to navigate emotionally.
The thing with the OP though is that she's dating a GUY - men face even more pressure from traditional families to marry within the culture. They'll more quickly let a daughter go but sons carry on the family, especially if it is the oldest son or the only son.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 10-05-2017, 08:50 PM
 
Location: West Loop Chicago
1,059 posts, read 1,554,268 times
Reputation: 855
Quote:
Originally Posted by reneeh63 View Post
The thing with the OP though is that she's dating a GUY - men face even more pressure from traditional families to marry within the culture. They'll more quickly let a daughter go but sons carry on the family, especially if it is the oldest son or the only son.
Let's put aside the extra complication that my gf is Muslim and there'd be 0 chance her family would be OK with the relationship unless I convert (just for starters), not to mention that women from the Subcontinent are supposed to save their virginity for their wedding day whereas the guys have more freedom to play around a bit before settling down.

But that reinforces the point of my post - the OP is either going to have to accept being a secret, or find a Western guy. Is it possible to overcome it and live happily ever after? Sure. Likely? Hmm, given the distance and cultural barriers plus Indian guys are kind of infamous for being major online flirts who are repressed and desperate to get laid before letting their family marries them off...color me skeptical.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 10-06-2017, 03:05 PM
 
44 posts, read 34,470 times
Reputation: 21
It seems that I understood wrong. He is going to Singapore on the beginning of November, and will come back in December. I really hope that my expectations r right, and he will tell his parents. But i will come here to say what happened, as a beginning of a story, as an advice to other girls.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 11-09-2017, 08:30 AM
 
44 posts, read 34,470 times
Reputation: 21
Oh god im so worried with him now i dont know what to do
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 12-08-2017, 07:03 PM
 
44 posts, read 34,470 times
Reputation: 21
Well, he's back from Singapore. He's in his home now. I told myself that I was going to wait 15 days to see or ask if he will tell his parents about me. He told his cousins. But I couldn't wait 15 days. Yesterday I've got so sick that I had to go to hp. Well...that made me think about how precious my time is. So, we r not talking too much since he's quite busy. But I couldn't wait and I sent an audio to him.
Let's see what he is going to say to me. Already 8 months. I can't wait any longer. Or he tell them now, or I will go to move on with my life.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 12-14-2017, 10:37 AM
 
13,513 posts, read 19,235,612 times
Reputation: 16580
Quote:
Originally Posted by Senunni View Post
Well, he's back from Singapore. He's in his home now. I told myself that I was going to wait 15 days to see or ask if he will tell his parents about me. He told his cousins. But I couldn't wait 15 days. Yesterday I've got so sick that I had to go to hp. Well...that made me think about how precious my time is. So, we r not talking too much since he's quite busy. But I couldn't wait and I sent an audio to him.
Let's see what he is going to say to me. Already 8 months. I can't wait any longer. Or he tell them now, or I will go to move on with my life.
best advice i could give you is to move on...quit waiting for something that chances are will never happen. Find a mate in your own area...you really can't know what he really thinks about you because you live thousands of miles apart....fantasies rarely come true....sorry.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 12-14-2017, 06:39 PM
 
44 posts, read 34,470 times
Reputation: 21
We had a fight. He explained that now, his family knows that he have a gf. His cousins, friends, brother and sister knows who i am, and I that im foreign. Only his parents doesnt know this info about me.
Today we had another one. He was calling me 11 times, his face....it was like he was feeling so much pain that idk. For real. We dont share sex pictures, we just call each other and laugh. Im not that special.
But still, he waits for me to go back home, bcs i was sick and feeling ill. Then he goes to sleep. He calls me several times only to ask if im with headache again.
Idk what to think. Today i said: ok, u r not able to tell ur parents now, so, don't talk about this anymore. Then he gets angry, saying that I didn't wanted to talk about our future.
Its so confusing. I gave the chance to him to avoid this subject, if he really dont want to tell his parents WTH he felt upset.
This is reaaaally confusing. He cares for me like a crazy guy.
But still, idk what to believe. If he doesn't want to stay with me for future, whyyyy he keeps bothering me with this subject. "i want to tell them, but idk how to do, even my big brother never said nothing about having a gf to my parents..." i mean, im trying my best to stay more far from him.
But idk how, if i dont msg him, then he call me. If i want to cut the call making excuses, he call me after some time again. Just today, we talked for 3 hours. If i wake up, call. If i finished breakfast,call. If im going outside, call. When im back home, call. After lunch, call. Before him go to sleep, call. He is feeling insecure about myself. More far i want to stay, more close he comes to me.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 12-14-2017, 07:10 PM
 
Location: Brentwood, Tennessee
49,932 posts, read 59,754,614 times
Reputation: 98359
Quote:
Originally Posted by Senunni View Post
This is reaaaally confusing. ...
But idk how, if i dont msg him, then he call me. If i want to cut the call making excuses, he call me after some time again. Just today, we talked for 3 hours. If i wake up, call. If i finished breakfast,call. If im going outside, call. When im back home, call. After lunch, call. Before him go to sleep, call. He is feeling insecure about myself. More far i want to stay, more close he comes to me.
Block his number.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.

Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.


Reply
Please update this thread with any new information or opinions. This open thread is still read by thousands of people, so we encourage all additional points of view.

Quick Reply
Message:

Over $104,000 in prizes was already given out to active posters on our forum and additional giveaways are planned!

Go Back   City-Data Forum > General Forums > Relationships

All times are GMT -6. The time now is 07:10 AM.

© 2005-2024, Advameg, Inc. · Please obey Forum Rules · Terms of Use and Privacy Policy · Bug Bounty

City-Data.com - Contact Us - Archive 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25, 26, 27, 28, 29, 30, 31, 32, 33, 34, 35, 36, 37 - Top