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Old 10-07-2017, 03:58 PM
 
1,029 posts, read 330,784 times
Reputation: 970

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If someone says to you these kinds of things:

"You wouldn't be just another notch on my belt"
"This (the physical intimacy) is serious for me, it's not something I would talk about with just anybody"
"I want more physical intimacy to see if we could sustain a real relationship"
"I keep getting these emails from the dating site and I don't want to go back online, but..."
"We wouldn't have to go all the way but you know...maybe shower together?"
"I'm not comfortable talking about this but you're the exception"
"An objective third party would be asking where things were by now and that this isn't too fast..."

etc etc.

Am I wrong to think this is pressure to sleep with him, even if he says it isn't? Or is this just a person wanting their physical needs met in the context of a relationship?
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Old 10-07-2017, 04:09 PM
 
Location: Auckland, New Zealand
5,509 posts, read 2,593,455 times
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It would show me a lack of seduction skills.
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Old 10-07-2017, 04:14 PM
 
1,029 posts, read 330,784 times
Reputation: 970
Quote:
Originally Posted by 303Guy View Post
It would show me a lack of seduction skills.
Why? I wasn't quite sure what you meant by that. I particularly didn't like the bit about going back online. I have never expected him to be exclusive and told him so before. It felt almost like a veiled threat.
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Old 10-07-2017, 04:27 PM
 
Location: Auckland, New Zealand
5,509 posts, read 2,593,455 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Inacitysomewhere View Post
Why? I wasn't quite sure what you meant by that. I particularly didn't like the bit about going back online. I have never expected him to be exclusive and told him so before. It felt almost like a veiled threat.
It's a veiled threat.
But why are you not lovers already?
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Old 10-07-2017, 04:29 PM
 
1,029 posts, read 330,784 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by 303Guy View Post
It's a veiled threat.
But why are you not lovers already?
I'm a slow mover. We have not been dating that long and I have had some reservations about him. I had decided to cut it off with him and then we had this conversation which only further confirmed those reservations that he was a bit pushy and didn't really care about me as much as the physical end of things. I think it will natrually fizzle out since we don't appear to be compatible so it might not be necessary to have the 'ending it' conversation so much anymore.
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Old 10-07-2017, 04:35 PM
 
6,095 posts, read 2,302,816 times
Reputation: 9699
Quote:
Originally Posted by Inacitysomewhere View Post
Why? I wasn't quite sure what you meant by that. I particularly didn't like the bit about going back online. I have never expected him to be exclusive and told him so before. It felt almost like a veiled threat.
You don't expect him to be exclusive, but to be perfectly honest if he quit talking about more intimacy and just held hands because he was getting it elsewhere, wouldn't you think less of him?

Would you think him a serious candidate for a LTR if he was dating other women he met through OLD that did agree they wanted sex in less than 15 dates? If he chose to keep seeing you until you were ready for a physical relationship, would you even want one, knowing he's not being or been exclusive? It's like a catch 22.

In answer to your question: "this (is) just a person wanting their physical needs met in the context of a relationship"...and with only one woman. Just what you want, except he wants to have sex.
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Old 10-07-2017, 04:49 PM
 
Location: Polynesia
2,146 posts, read 1,107,799 times
Reputation: 3677
Quote:
Originally Posted by Inacitysomewhere View Post
I'm a slow mover. We have not been dating that long and I have had some reservations about him. I had decided to cut it off with him and then we had this conversation which only further confirmed those reservations that he was a bit pushy and didn't really care about me as much as the physical end of things. I think it will natrually fizzle out since we don't appear to be compatible so it might not be necessary to have the 'ending it' conversation so much anymore.
You still have reservations about him and you are not ready. Yes, I agree with you that he is pressuring you or testing your boundaries. Let him go already, I think it's pretty clear at this point that you are not a match.

I was a "slow mover" too but I quickly dropped guys if I had reservations about them or if I saw flags. Don't waste each others time.
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Old 10-07-2017, 04:51 PM
 
1,029 posts, read 330,784 times
Reputation: 970
Quote:
Originally Posted by RbccL View Post
You don't expect him to be exclusive, but to be perfectly honest if he quit talking about more intimacy and just held hands because he was getting it elsewhere, wouldn't you think less of him?

Would you think him a serious candidate for a LTR if he was dating other women he met through OLD that did agree they wanted sex in less than 15 dates? If he chose to keep seeing you until you were ready for a physical relationship, would you even want one, knowing he's not being or been exclusive? It's like a catch 22.

In answer to your question: "this (is) just a person wanting their physical needs met in the context of a relationship"...and with only one woman. Just what you want, except he wants to have sex.
Right but then we aren't compatible since I'm not ready. It wasn't that he wants to have sex, it was that I felt he was pushing me. Which fed into my reservations that he was potentially controlling and pushy.
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Old 10-07-2017, 05:15 PM
 
Location: North Idaho
21,008 posts, read 25,781,024 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Inacitysomewhere View Post
........etc etc. ........
It's a big steaming bucket of insincere BS.

Of course he wants sex and he is feeding you standard lines that all the guys say will work.

The going back on line is a threat and if it were me, I would have told him to go ahead and that would have been the end of any possible relationship. I don't have sex with men who threaten me or do such a clumsy obvious job of trying to manipulate me or guilt me.

Catch a clue. The guy is a cad.
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Old 10-07-2017, 05:22 PM
 
1,029 posts, read 330,784 times
Reputation: 970
Quote:
Originally Posted by oregonwoodsmoke View Post
It's a big steaming bucket of insincere BS.

Of course he wants sex and he is feeding you standard lines that all the guys say will work.

The going back on line is a threat and if it were me, I would have told him to go ahead and that would have been the end of any possible relationship. I don't have sex with men who threaten me or do such a clumsy obvious job of trying to manipulate me or guilt me.

Catch a clue. The guy is a cad.
Yeah, what I was thinking. I intended to talk to him today about not seeing each other but then he brought this up and so now I think I will just tell him we aren't sexually compatible which is easier than just ending things. He was complaining about "doing all the work" in the relationship. From my perspective he really hasnt. I have planned some of the dates, paid, etc. He doesn't call me or email me between dates like other guys. From my perspective he's not really doing much work to "get me".

It's not the firat time he has been seemingly manipulative.
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