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Probably due to past abuse and being hurt in other ways by partners (cheating, or other crummy or below par treatment) I feel safer if I ever date again being with someone who we both like each other and have a mutual need for the other but not one in which I'm head over heels in love... that way it's less to lose...in a way I think there's more long term security and chance of long term relationship with mutual need as opposed to the romantic in love stuff.. there's reasons for that that make sense to me as I've seen it myself play out that way.
It would probably work out well...unless/until one or the other or both decide they've met somebody where the romantic component is there, and decide that just "admiring one another, getting along well, and enjoying stability" is no longer enough.
What I'm saying is, it wouldn't necessarily protect you from heartbreak.
Or... it could work out just fine. You will learn to know and trust that person, and with the time develop love and need for intimacy.
Many years ago dating was just about like that...
I could be like one of those mannequins on the Disneyland ride "Pirates if the Caribbean " the part where it shows the pirates auctioning off women for purchase as brides "take a wench for a bride"-- yea maybe I could get arranged into a marriage that way-- I just need to look off the coast for a pirate ship and flag them down
Probably due to past abuse and being hurt in other ways by partners (cheating, or other crummy or below par treatment) I feel safer if I ever date again being with someone who we both like each other and have a mutual need for the other but not one in which I'm head over heels in love... that way it's less to lose...in a way I think there's more long term security and chance of long term relationship with mutual need as opposed to the romantic in love stuff.. there's reasons for that that make sense to me as I've seen it myself play out that way.
If you wear your heart on your sleeve.... you're probably not going to fair any better whether it's a good friend or someone that you're head over heels for... just sayin.
The fact of the matter is.....when you shut out pain, you shut out everything else too.
Having one foot in and one foot out completely defeats the purpose of an intimate relationship, IMO.
No matter which way you go about it you risk getting hurt, being disappointed, or both.
If you don't feel like you can deal with that or you're tired of downs in relationships, then don't try to get involved with other people on an intimate level.
I could be like one of those mannequins on the Disneyland ride "Pirates if the Caribbean " the part where it shows the pirates auctioning off women for purchase as brides "take a wench for a bride"-- yea maybe I could get arranged into a marriage that way-- I just need to look off the coast for a pirate ship and flag them down
I'm not sure what you want.
If you do not truly love the guy it won't get you through the tough times.
However, hanging out and fulfilling each others sexual needs..... I'm in. lol
“To love at all is to be vulnerable. Love anything and your heart will be wrung and possibly broken. If you want to make sure of keeping it intact you must give it to no one, not even an animal. Wrap it carefully round with hobbies and little luxuries; avoid all entanglements. Lock it up safe in the casket or coffin of your selfishness. But in that casket, safe, dark, motionless, airless, it will change. It will not be broken; it will become unbreakable, impenetrable, irredeemable. To love is to be vulnerable.”
C.S Lewis.
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lol
