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Old 10-21-2017, 02:54 PM
 
Location: Nashville, TN -
9,588 posts, read 5,816,424 times
Reputation: 11116

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Quote:
Originally Posted by zentropa View Post
I have. Many many times. A lot of guys don't like it. Some even panic and say, "but..but..can''t we TALK some more first?"

When we did meet, 9 times out of 10 the guy invariably lacked confidence and assertiveness. I was always so embarrassed for them. I don't do it any more.

I act like the woman in the OP. I lose interest and message less and less because there is no point going on. He's already lost me.
Again, I agree. This has been my experience, as well. I've never been one to ask men out IRL, but in my on-and-off periods of OLD, there have been times that I've either initiated contact with men who seemed curious, or I've at least been the one to suggest we meet after we've chatted back and forth a few times. It has never gone well. Like you, I won't do it anymore. It's a waste of time.
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Old 10-21-2017, 03:34 PM
 
14,294 posts, read 13,157,398 times
Reputation: 17797
Quote:
Originally Posted by zentropa View Post
I have. Many many times. A lot of guys don't like it. Some even panic and say, "but..but..can''t we TALK some more first?"

When we did meet, 9 times out of 10 the guy invariably lacked confidence and assertiveness. I was always so embarrassed for them. I don't do it any more.

I act like the woman in the OP. I lose interest and message less and less because there is no point going on. He's already lost me.
If you just stop communicating entirely (aka ghosting) then you get angry messages about how you just ghosted, and what is wrong with you... If you say, I don't think we are compatible, you might get thanks for your honesty, good luck. Or you might get, why not? What do I need to do to keep your interest? Why won't you give a guy a chance...

You Just Can't Win.
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Old 10-21-2017, 03:47 PM
 
Location: Huntersville/Charlotte, NC and Washington, DC
26,691 posts, read 41,629,721 times
Reputation: 41324
Quote:
Originally Posted by somebodynew View Post
If you just stop communicating entirely (aka ghosting) then you get angry messages about how you just ghosted, and what is wrong with you... If you say, I don't think we are compatible, you might get thanks for your honesty, good luck. Or you might get, why not? What do I need to do to keep your interest? Why won't you give a guy a chance...

You Just Can't Win.
No one wins in OLD.
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Old 10-21-2017, 03:55 PM
 
Location: The point of no return, er, NorCal
7,400 posts, read 6,351,299 times
Reputation: 9636
Quote:
Originally Posted by somebodynew View Post
If you just stop communicating entirely (aka ghosting) then you get angry messages about how you just ghosted, and what is wrong with you... If you say, I don't think we are compatible, you might get thanks for your honesty, good luck. Or you might get, why not? What do I need to do to keep your interest? Why won't you give a guy a chance...

You Just Can't Win.
And on the other end, if you don't respond at all you're vain, a bit--, looking for a bad boy or stud, just want a man for his status, etc.

I distinctly remember receiving a message from a guy that I just wasn't interested in. That much I knew. But he kept sending asinine messages that I must be looking for dumb Marines and that I had all these baby daddies, yada, yada, yada. Butthurt 'cause I didn't respond to his message.

Or the bajillion other butthurt messages because I responded with "We're not compatible. I appreciate the kind words/compliment/message."

A lot of times, these types would act decent-ish with the hope or expectation of receiving a response, and when you don't respond in kind, they'd get all bitter and irate because you're supposed to like them.

And I saw this quite a bit among the Nice Guy™ crowd, because they're convinced they must be the good guys, therefore women should acquiesce to their "non-bad boy" advances and interest.
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Old 10-21-2017, 04:00 PM
 
14,294 posts, read 13,157,398 times
Reputation: 17797
Quote:
Originally Posted by The Dissenter View Post
No one wins in OLD.
You can win with OLD. You just have to put on a flame retardant suit. If I am not interested, I say so with a cheerful good luck. If they want to pursue the conversation, I ignore or block. OLD is not for the thin of skin!
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Old 10-21-2017, 08:07 PM
 
Location: Gulf Coast
1,257 posts, read 884,623 times
Reputation: 2011
Am I the only person in the world who would refuse to do online dating?
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Old 10-21-2017, 08:11 PM
 
Location: Queens, NY
4,525 posts, read 3,395,097 times
Reputation: 6030
Quote:
Originally Posted by SouthernProper View Post
Am I the only person in the world who would refuse to do online dating?
No, you aren't. But then again (in my own opinion of course), I don't see why anyone wouldn't. If anything, it would increase your options.
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