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For my first marriage, yeah, I settled down too quickly. I did date, and did have sex with several different women, but I really had no idea what I was getting myself into, or what would really work for me long term. After more than 20 unhappy years, I divorced her and played the field awhile - that was fun, and enlightening. Different women are VERY different in bed - so much depends on personality, individual preferences, and prior experience. Some are total bores, and some are over-the-moon exciting. Since 2000, I've been in a far better relationship where we're ideally matched sexually - and it just keeps getting better.
For my first marriage, yeah, I settled down too quickly. I did date, and did have sex with several different women, but I really had no idea what I was getting myself into, or what would really work for me long term. After more than 20 unhappy years, I divorced her and played the field awhile - that was fun, and enlightening. Different women are VERY different in bed - so much depends on personality, individual preferences, and prior experience. Some are total bores, and some are over-the-moon exciting. Since 2000, I've been in a far better relationship where we're ideally matched sexually - and it just keeps getting better.
Hmm. The truth isn't helpful? He asked a question (which perhaps he shouldn't have asked!), and I related my experience. The key take-away for him should be that he has seen real improvement in the sexual part of his marriage, and that's a very good thing for his relationship.
The key take-away for him should be that he has seen real improvement in the sexual part of his marriage, and that's a very good thing for his relationship.
That's right, but it has been a long and frustrating wait. The truth is that if we ever went through another drought like we did previously, I wouldn't tolerate it now that we're married. I told her years before we got married that the two things I wouldn't put up with are (1) cheating (2) a sexless marriage, unless it's something health-related and beyond her control.
She knows I didn't mince words when I said it either.
Many guys would not have let their partner get away with such selfishness in bed. I did because I love her, but I will not let it slide next time.
Hmm. The truth isn't helpful? He asked a question (which perhaps he shouldn't have asked!), and I related my experience. The key take-away for him should be that he has seen real improvement in the sexual part of his marriage, and that's a very good thing for his relationship.
On paper, it is.
The types of questioning he's been doing lately, however, indicate serious dissatisfaction. Hopefully he resolves it in a productive way, not a destructive way.
The types of questioning he's been doing lately, however, indicate serious dissatisfaction. Hopefully he resolves it in a productive way, not a destructive way.
I agree. Hopefully, it is a realization that things CAN be better, and that it is now not only necessary to have boundaries and clear expectations, but to "enforce" them with consequences if unmet. I think it is good to question a relationship when things aren't great, and figure out what could be different, and what you can do about it, if anything. It's important to realize that you both have a role in making the relationship what it is. You can't change the past, but you can learn from it and change your future.
I agree. Hopefully, it is a realization that things CAN be better, and that it is now not only necessary to have boundaries and clear expectations, but to "enforce" them with consequences if unmet. I think it is good to question a relationship when things aren't great, and figure out what could be different, and what you can do about it, if anything. It's important to realize that you both have a role in making the relationship what it is. You can't change the past, but you can learn from it and change your future.
Assuming both partners are emotionally healthy, yes. That is the beauty of the freedom that a commitment like marriage brings.
I suspected you might comment on this thread. Nice to see you.
I'm a helpless rubbernecker.
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