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I’m with you. Too all the people suggesting just conseuling like they are goi to stay together, there is no way that’d be the answer if OPs SO was a man. People would be screaming to get the hell away, why should that change because the abuse is woman to woman?
I don't think the partner is necessarily abusive. According to the OP, her gf has never shown any signs of violence. Had she been abusive & temperamental in general, then you'd think it wouldn't take 5 years to show it.
The OP says she's the "feisty" one. Now, feisty may be code for dramatic and confrontational. Again, if she polices her girlfriend constantly -to make sure she's not cheating, and has a history of throwing these tantrums, it's logical that her gf could simply have reached a breaking point.
I don't think a person is an automatic abuser just because you pushed them too far. It can be argued the OP is the abusive one. Snatching your partner's stuff so you can police / monitor who they talk to. Then when they don't give you their private info, you lash out and break their stuff. It can be argued if the OP was a man, people wouldn't be as forgiving of her lack of trust, tantrums, and destroying her gf's property. They'd be saying the girlfriend dodged a bullet from a controlling man who breaks their property when they oppose snooping, and that he'd become violent toward her eventually rather than just her property.
Last edited by HappyRain; 10-19-2017 at 10:12 AM..
I don't think the partner is necessarily abusive. According to the OP, her gf has never shown any signs of violence. Had she been abusive & temperamental in general, then you'd think it wouldn't take 5 years to show it.
The OP says she's the "feisty" one. Now, feisty may be code for dramatic and confrontational. Again, if she polices her girlfriend constantly -to make sure she's not cheating, and has a history of throwing these tantrums, it's logical that her gf could simply have reached a breaking point.
I don't think a person is an automatic abuser just because you pushed them too far. It can be argued the OP is the abusive one. Snatching your partner's stuff so you can police / monitor who they talk to. Then when they don't give you their private info, you lash out and break their stuff. It can be argued if the OP was a man, people wouldn't be as forgiving of her lack of trust and tantrums.
I didn't believe her so I snatched the phone but it was locked. I told her to give me her password and she wouldn't. I stupidly in the heat of the moment threw the phone across the floor and shattered the screen. Then I got the shock of my life because she slapped the **** out of me. Mind you she's a lot bigger, taller, and stronger than me. But at that moment, I was pissed so I hit her back and we started fighting like for real. She ended up whooping my ass bad.
Classy.
Both of you were displaying violence, starting with you in your rage. Why is she the only one in the doghouse? You had your part in it.
If I were her, I'd move out, because I can't be with a jealous harpy.
I engaged in the fight but I'm the one who came out with marks. I was screaming, and it took a man we barely know to get her off me. That's why I feel she's more at fault. She has issues with self control.
My gf and I are a lesbian couple who have been in a loving relationship for 5 years, we now own a house together and are even considering adoption soon. We have never had any incidences of violence in the past. My gf doesn't even like to raise her voice. I'm definitely the more feisty one. I've always had trust issues due to being cheated on in the past so on this particular night I saw a text pop up from a random girl's name, I asked her who it was, and she told me it was her friend. I didn't believe her so I snatched the phone but it was locked. I told her to give me her password and she wouldn't. I stupidly in the heat of the moment threw the phone across the floor and shattered the screen. Then I got the shock of my life because she slapped the **** out of me. Mind you she's a lot bigger, taller, and stronger than me. But at that moment, I was pissed so I hit her back and we started fighting like for real. She ended up whooping my ass bad. I was screaming and the guy who rents our basement out heard us and pulled her off of me. She left that night to stay with her mom, but she's back in the house now. She apologized but I still told her to sleep in the guest room because I'm not over it. I can't believe she would ever put her hands on me like that. I want to get past this because I love her, and we have built a life together but idk if things will go back to normal. Any advice you all may have would be appreciated.
Let's break this down a bit....
you admit to trust issues
you stole someone else's property maybe worth $500 - $1000
you demanded for her to give up her personal password
you then decided to commit a violent act yourself and broke said valuable property above
then you're crying cause you got a fresh one popped to your mouth? I wouldn't call a slap "getting beat up" and quite frankly you deserve recourse for your behavior. Maybe not exactly a slap but likely something of significance. She's probably better off to be without your entitled, speculating, troubled self.
I engaged in the fight but I'm the one who came out with marks. I was screaming, and it took a man we barely know to get her off me. That's why I feel she's more at fault. She has issues with self control.
But you came out with those marks due to starting the violence. You started something you couldn't finish, so you can't put it all on someone else. Your gf was not right. But you were equally as wrong, and also owe her an apology. Don't put it all on her and act as though you were innocent and attacked out of nowhere.
This entire things started with your trust issues and breaking things because you feel entitled to be able to police your gf. If you have so little faith in her that you need to monitor that she isn't cheating, you may not need to be with her. You need to work on your insecurity + your "feisty" behavior.
I engaged in the fight but I'm the one who came out with marks. I was screaming, and it took a man we barely know to get her off me. That's why I feel she's more at fault. She has issues with self control.
I engaged in the fight but I'm the one who came out with marks. I was screaming, and it took a man we barely know to get her off me. That's why I feel she's more at fault. She has issues with self control.
And yet you want to stay with her and even adopt?
If she comes at you like that again, it will be your fault. Because shes already done it once, and youre still there.
Best of luck to you, OP.
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