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I am not a prude, and I know men are conditioned to try and try again. By society. And women are complicit in this, which I won't get into all of that. But from a very young age I was aware of this and said to men: you do not have to do that. When I am ready, you will know it. I will not being playing coy, hoping you will seduce me. When I say no, I mean no. Anyone who didn't get that was summarily dismissed, period.
I suspect she's been judged by someone who really mattered. That happened to me in the past few years and it really hurt to think that I probably lost someone who might still be here if I'd just waited a few more dates.
I don't trade sex in hopes of getting into a relationship. Nobody is having sex until I want to have sex and once I decide I want to have sex with someone.... it's on me. I don't get the " he tricked me into having sex" or " he used me for sex". He can lie his "A" off and still I am not giving it up until I want to. If I have to tell him more than once that I am not interested in having sex.. and he still persists. I am out!
You said exactly what I was thinking. So I'm going to ask you--would you give this guy a chance if you liked so much else about him? Trust is exactly the issue I'm struggling with--the more he pushes, the less I trust him.
the on that got mad about me not doing it by the 3rd date, i was willing to give him a chance since we hit it off so well in other ways. But the jokes became more and more passive aggressive. I kept calling him out on it. He would just say he was kidding. If he was, then he wouldn't have written me off. Eventually I just stopped hearing from him.
The other one, I was confused because he didn't straight up say "lets go back to my place"..but it was the 1st date and there was a lot of kissing (not my style but it happened). I had really enjoyed my time with him and wanted to get to know him more. his attitude towards me did a complete 180 in less than 12 hours after our date. Less enthusiastic about me, always "passed out early" if I happened to be the one to reach out to him first. This pattern went on for 2 weeks, then I realized he was angry that I didn't beg for him on the first date and he was likely sleeping with some random every time he was "passed out early". When I finally after 2 weeks said it would be nice to see him again, he got really passive aggressive saying "oh you wanna kiss me and whisper sweet nothings to me?". I finally just nicely told him off. That was about a month ago and enraged me pretty badly honestly. the guy that seemed peeved after 3 dates had more of a right to be mad than this guy. Incredibly childish and disrespectful of him.
I know this isn't exactly related, but why would you feel you've lost someone worthwhile if that someone left because having sex, with him, meant you were tarnished?
Just a feeling. He said he felt things were moving too fast and sex was part of that but he never said it was my fault.
I am not a prude, and I know men are conditioned to try and try again. By society. And women are complicit in this, which I won't get into all of that. But from a very young age I was aware of this and said to men: you do not have to do that. When I am ready, you will know it. I will not being playing coy, hoping you will seduce me. When I say no, I mean no. Anyone who didn't get that was summarily dismissed, period.
I can’t see why this is even an issue. The guy is pushing for sex, you’re not ready and he gets pissy when you try to slow things down. Why would you even need to ask our thoughts on this? He’s not showing you much respect. I’d bet that as soon as he gets what he wants he’ll be ready to move on and leave you in the lurch.
So what I'm really thinking is this:
Men, where do you draw the line?
At what point do you just back off and know she means it and stop?
How many women throw mixed signals?
When you are pressing a woman hard for sex, is a relationship ever a thing on your mind with this particular woman? (My guess is no but we may get some surprises...)
Although, I can be quite aggressive with women on dates, its black and white for me: no means NO and Stop means STOP. Period! no "BUTS" about it. A lot of women throw mix signals, but NO still means NO! and STOP still means STOP!
This is something my mother taught me as a adolescent teen.
Sounds like one of those tools that goes in for that "three date rule" or whatever they call it.
Haha, good deal, but you're going to get some anyway. Not from me, but you know how this place rolls. lol
I won't make a general statement, but will give a personal example: I was dating this woman not too long ago. We had sex fairly early on in our dating adventure and right off after that first night she started this odd, "that isn't me, I don't have sex so early, blahblahblah..." going on about all we did that night and the next morning. I just listened while thinking, "It takes two to tango, so why the hang up now? It didn't bother you that night. Or the next morning." lol But I also liked her a lot so I absorbed what she said and was fine with it. She then came out with a "we're not having sex again for quite a while" line a few days later. I was thinking, 'ok, we already had sex so that's odd, but I'm curious where we can go together, so no problem.' Now this is where my point in regards to the isolated text comes in. The very next time we were together - about 2 weeks later I think - we were lying in bed (just lying there, nothing had happened) and I was getting ready to fall asleep. She then says, "I know what I said before (about not having sex again for a while) but I need you." I just chuckled a little and said, "Ok."
Changed her mind? Mixed signals? Perhaps, but either way, something was up with her. Internal guilt maybe? Who knows. I was willing to go at her pace, but when she doesn't even know what her pace is, where *do* you draw the line?
I wouldn't press a woman for sex. What's the point? Either she wants to or she doesn't. I'm not a caveman. lol
If a woman tells me no, that's the end of that for me (looking for sex at that point, not the end of anything with the woman). I'm not going to try and change her mind or coerce her or anything like that. There's plenty of women out there that will give it up freely if I just had to get my rocks off.
I'd rather have a woman be sure that *I'm* what and who they want to be sleeping with than just having sex just because. It's the women that don't know what they want, and make no attempts to figure that out for themselves before getting involved with me, that drive me bonkers.
Sounds more like she has hangups and is playing games. Personally, I have no patience for that.
Pushing hard for sex, even though you clearly told him you were not comfortable with it?
How does all his other 'good' qualities override this one huge screaming red flag?
I'm a guy and I have NEVER pushed a girl for sex or intimacy.
No means no, remember?
If a guy can't respect a girl's desire to withhold intimacy until at a much later time, does this sound like someone you want to spend the rest of your life with?
And as seen on countless threads on this section of the forum, once these types of guys get what they want, they'll soon get bored and leave the relationship seeing as that was their ultimate goal was to get the lady in bed and they no longer have any interest.
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Haha, good deal, but you're going to get some anyway. Not from me, but you know how this place rolls. lol