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I just remembered a story one of my guy friends told me. He said he was dating this girl and they woke up together. He was in the mood and started to get it on but she said no and pushed her shirt down. So he said okay, got out of bed and asked what did she want for breakfast and she asked why isn't he trying harder to have sex with her. >_< I think it's women like that who messes it up for the rest of us. SMH.
I just remembered a story one of my guy friends told me. He said he was dating this girl and they woke up together. He was in the mood and started to get it on but she said no and pushed her shirt down. So he said okay, got out of bed and asked what did she want for breakfast and she asked why isn't he trying harder to have sex with her. >_< I think it's women like that who messes it up for the rest of us. SMH.
I find it hard to believe that young women do that kind of thing anymore.
This is fairly critical. I do not emotionally connect (in a romantic way) to women where there isn't sexual chemistry and sexual compatibility. Sometimes I wish I did (and I tried to fake it til you make it with one person I was otherwise incredibly compatible with, for years), but my heart doesn't work that way. If IT isn't there, my emotions stay platonic.
It works like that for me, too. I cant get really interested in a man until we see if the sex is good.
Location: Huntersville/Charlotte, NC and Washington, DC
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Quote:
Originally Posted by NewYorker11356
Because like you said, guys want to know the sexual compatibility is there, and they don't want to potentially wait months to finally do it. Maybe one time, they were passive and were willing to wait till the woman was ready only to end up being strung along.
Nothing wrong with a woman waiting until she is comfortable, but on the flip side, there isn't anything wrong with a guy wanting to do it ASAP (that being said, it's wrong for them to continually push for it after you've said no multiple times at that moment).
I'm not gonna push but im not gonna be super patient either. After 30-60 days of no sex I'm gonna assume disinterest in sex and probably me and be done with the whole damn thing.
I'm not gonna push but im not gonna be super patient either. After 30-60 days of no sex I'm gonna assume disinterest in sex and probably me and be done with the whole damn thing.
I wouldnt wait 30 to 60 days. Thats a crazy waste of time.
I suspect this may be a hot topic so I really really want to urge us all to be civilized. Pleeaase. I'd like to get a few pages out of it before it gets closed lol.
So, a personal thing has come up in my life lately and I already know what I must do though I hate it. I really like this man--he has so many qualities that I really like and admire but on the last couple of dates he pushed me really hard for sex even though I explained that I'm in a tough emotional place right now and getting into sex quickly would probably not be good for me at all. And then he pushed some more.
What do I mean by that? I mean asking me to come sleep with him several times while kissing, amping up the kissing though I tried to keep it calmer, trying to stick his hand down my pants though I asked him not to do that. When I got tough, he acted like I was being a biotch, and that sort of thing. I've been out with him 4 times and he pushed really hard at least on the last two. I started to walk away after the first time but second guessed myself. Yeah I know, I should know better because, as it turns out, my first feelings about someone always turn out to be right and these things never work out.
But I didn't come for advice...I already know the answer.
So what I'm really thinking is this:
Men, where do you draw the line?
At what point do you just back off and know she means it and stop?
How many women throw mixed signals?
When you are pressing a woman hard for sex, is a relationship ever a thing on your mind with this particular woman? (My guess is no but we may get some surprises...)
I realize there is a lot of anger on both sides around this issue so I would urge all of us to use some empathy. It's fine to speak of your pain but when you blame all of any group, discussion shuts down. I am in some pain around this issue and I have been sexually harassed in some really bad ways several times in my youth which has made me careful and when I think of some things that have happened, this one barely raises an eyebrow. I've been lied to by so many men in my life but I still like them and I'm just looking for thoughtful answers on this.
I'm normally the one that gets pushed for sex. I tell her not now, but she just won't let the issue rest. I don't really mind. But really it's not good to push for sex. If someone says no, then back it off.
I could write a whole book on this topic. I've had 2 men recently that I hit it off really well with, slow fade, then disappear because I didn't put out on some short timeline they had. Most men I've encountered, push REALLY hard on date 2.
I get where the anger comes from, they don't want to waste their time in case the sexual chemistry isn't there, they don't want to spend so much money in case she's just stringing him along to never have sex. But you guys...if we like you, we will have sex with you! just show us you're worth it just like we're trying to show you we're worth the wait.
Not to mention, sex is so much better when you get to know someone and build an emotional connection and trust first. Trust is everything. If you want her to be your personal one and only sl*t...trust is the word. And that takes time to build (at least a month, minimum!)
I really don't get why this is such a tough concept for most men. There's a method to our madness when it comes to making a man wait.
LOL!!! I'm in no rush. But my sex drive is really low for a man. I think I might have the lowest sex drive in town. Everyone is pushing for sex.
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