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I'd have a talk with the person and give them one more chance. But it would depend on how good I felt about them in other ways, if I wasn't that into them I wouldn't. But then I wouldn't need that as a reason...being not into them would be the reason.
I'd have to be motivated to want to TRY, but if I was...then yeah, I'd try to talk about it and work it out. If it turned out to be a part of their behavior in the bigger picture, as opposed to a one time "life happens" thing...that would be different.
The reason I said what I did, was that the long distance thing seemed to end on a similar note. She didn't touch base before they were supposed to get together, and Diss called "Disrespect!" and an end to it.
Also, along the lines of "WTF is up with that?" I not only agree, but when I lived in Northern VA as a young person, and later trying to make plans with friends in Virginia as an adult, people often flaked out on me. Then they act like hey, don't take it personally, we're still buddies right? We're cool, yeah? It was a thing that happened often enough that I filed it under "regional behavior patterns." Everywhere else I've lived, people would at least contact you as a courtesy if plans changed or whatever. I wonder if anyone else has experienced that as a...thing...of the DC area? Diss?
I tend to give people the benefit of the doubt cause things can come up. Twice is fine but if they keep doing it then that's suspect. Some things you just can't let slide with people.
Location: Huntersville/Charlotte, NC and Washington, DC
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Quote:
Originally Posted by RbccL
It kind of looks like a self worth thing too, why assume somebody doesn't have any respect for you, that's it's all about you and "Aha! They really don't like me, see-I knew it!"
Others actually do have problems of their own that have nothing to do with detracting from your self-worth, and it's no indication of whether or not they respect you.
This has nothing to do with my self worth. Her action of ghosting me did all the taking she needed to do. No second chances for ghosting.
Life happens. I didn't hear from one person for over a week. A grandparent died and she dashed out of state. I heard from her a week later. Am I going to hold that against them? Yeah, I would have texted, but her head was a different place. I'd be being a jerk holding that against them.
Life happens. I'm not going to be top priority, especially anywhere near the beginning. "Pride" has a time and place, but it needs to be checked.
People need to understand expectations though - as in common courtesy. 95 percent of Americans own a cell phone. I can't believe that this particular person couldn't just send you a text if nothing else saying, "Sorry I'm out of pocket - my grandparent died suddenly and I'm out of state for a week or so." How difficult would that have been?
And let's be totally honest here - the vast majority of the time, it's not a situation like this. Even if they tell you it was after the fact.
This has nothing to do with my self worth. Her action of ghosting me did all the taking she needed to do. No second chances for ghosting.
I say it because all indications are you take it personally. It's hard to see it as ghosting if they actually contact you and apologize though? And it kind of just turns into a mistake on their part.
IMO.
I was just trying to give you a different point of view. Sometimes It's easier for other people to see things differently.
People need to understand expectations though - as in common courtesy. 95 percent of Americans own a cell phone. I can't believe that this particular person couldn't just send you a text if nothing else saying, "Sorry I'm out of pocket - my grandparent died suddenly and I'm out of state for a week or so." How difficult would that have been?
On the one hand, yes, it's not that difficult to send a text, but on the other, in a true emergency, generally one's first inclination isn't to keep that guy from the dating app whom you haven't met yet posted on your whereabouts. If it's not a pattern, and the person is truly apologetic, there's no harm in giving them the benefit of the doubt.
On the one hand, yes, it's not that difficult to send a text, but on the other, in a true emergency, generally one's first inclination isn't to keep that guy from the dating app whom you haven't met yet posted on your whereabouts. If it's not a pattern, and the person is truly apologetic, there's no harm in giving them the benefit of the doubt.
Besides, how do you suppose Diss would have reacted had she texted him: "sorry I am out of pocket."
Location: RI, MA, VT, WI, IL, CA, IN (that one sucked), KY
41,938 posts, read 36,935,179 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by KathrynAragon
People need to understand expectations though - as in common courtesy. 95 percent of Americans own a cell phone. I can't believe that this particular person couldn't just send you a text if nothing else saying, "Sorry I'm out of pocket - my grandparent died suddenly and I'm out of state for a week or so." How difficult would that have been?
And let's be totally honest here - the vast majority of the time, it's not a situation like this. Even if they tell you it was after the fact.
I agree, but I also understand that A) a person you haven't met, or in this case, met twice, isn't going to be forefront on your mind in such a situation, and B) not everyone reacts or thinks the same as I do in each situation...
Understanding and accepting that people communicate and react differently is pretty fundamental to making and nurturing connections. The point is, they apologizde. It doesn't make sense to hold it against them. It could have been a work matter, or a sick kid, or other family emergency. It doesn't really matter. Life happens, things get messed up.
Last edited by timberline742; 10-31-2017 at 01:03 PM..
Which is why some people find dating fun or at least entertaining, and other people say those people don't understand how dating is miserable or a negative experience for others.
I think it's perfectly obvious how dating is a negative experience for some, and if others are having a difficult time and don't want to accept views or advice from those who aren't there to just sympathize and agree, then they will most likely just continue to have a difficult time and think nobody understands why.
I agree, but I also understand that A) a person you haven't met, or in this case, met twice, isn't going to be forefront on your mind in such a situation, and B) not everyone reacts or thinks the same as I do in each situation...
Understanding and accepting that people communicate and react differently is pretty fundamental to making and nurturing connections. The point is, they apologizde. It doesn't make sense to hold it against them. It could have been a work matter, or a sick kid, or other family emergency. It doesn't really matter. Life happens, things get messed up.
I don't like flakes, but since she reached out and apologized, I'd give it one more chance. Like you said, life happens.
Location: Huntersville/Charlotte, NC and Washington, DC
26,700 posts, read 41,718,665 times
Reputation: 41376
Quote:
Originally Posted by RbccL
Besides, how do you suppose Diss would have reacted had she texted him: "sorry I am out of pocket."
I said earlier if she had been up front and said she couldn't make it the day of, I'd understood and give her a second chance
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