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No, I'm just not going to argue about something that doesn't matter and is off topic. I know what can and can't be done because I lived thru it. You're quoting a Huffingtonpost author. And no, I'm still not going to get into my experience on a message board nor am I going to debate you about it. I don't care that you want to think you're right. Go ahead & enjoy your "victory". Lol
Certainly you shouldnt share anything you dont want to share. Victory? I merely dont like to see misinformation being passed along. Sometimes, people make important life decisions based on misinformation. Sometimes, with unfortunate results.
A few male friends who are divorcing have said that there is no reason to marry in today's US culture and that boyfriend/girlfriend or "engaged" is as far as it really needs to go if kids are not a priority. Thoughts?
"Engaged" is as far as it needs to go? You do realize, don't you (and your friends), that "engaged" is the first step in a situation ending in marriage, right? "Engaged" is a status with an end date, in most cases. Your friends sound confused.
Lots of people are getting married. There's a higher than 50% success rate to first marriages. The odds are with the marrieds. It sounds like you gravitate toward guys who aren't cut out for marriage, for whatever reason, or who pick marriage partners for the wrong reason. Let me guess: they married their now-ex's because they were hot? lol
With all this talk about business partnerships, marriage, and what-have-you, it got me wondering. What if there was a way to live together, but without the requirements and obligations that marriage or romantic cohabitation brings on? Basically, two people live together, since it's more efficient to have two incomes and one household, than two people each living alone. Legal and financial matters do not get comingled. The people eat some meals together, maintain the home together, and even may socialize together when the occasion requires coming as a couple. But for the most part, they leave each other alone and give each other full independence, outside of courtesies like "tell the other person if you'll be gone for more than 24 hours". Such an arrangement would be suitable for people who have a strong aversion to living together romantically, but may find comfort in the notion of having someone call 911 for them if need be, as well as guaranteed companionships of sorts.
But what to call it? Something catchy and socially acceptable, lest the "family values" crowd gets offended. Semi-marriage? Quasi-marriage? Platonic residential maintenance partnership (or PRMP for short)? I guess whatever works.
Last edited by MillennialUrbanist; 10-24-2017 at 02:47 PM..
I guess I see it as rare for two people to make it through the gauntlet of life so unchanged that what they thought was mutual "true love" in the beginning was able to keep them bonded together. I see the hardships of life bringing out the worst in people, causing them to treat one another callously or cruelly. And sometimes it's the person who believes that they have the stronger emotional bond, who is the meaner of the two.
Sometimes passion is a hard taskmaster. And many people do not proceed through the part of spending years getting to know someone, becoming FRIENDS with them, they simply meet and initially view them as a romantic prospect and proceed with that in mind, pretty much overlooking if this person, the person behind the pretty face, is truly someone you can successfully partner with.
I mean we see it here all the time with adults struggling in the world of "dating." Guy is looking for attractive woman to be his forever person. Figures once he gets a chance to start a relationship, it'll be easy street from there on out. I've seen people "fall in love" without ever truly knowing or respecting the real PERSON in there. Do I think that is enough to sustain a lifetime partnership? NO.
I am just trying to think outside the box here. I'm plenty willing to consider marrying the man I adore and I feel all warm inside considering it. But we've talked about the logistical part, and it makes solid business sense for us. So it's like yes, it's something we feel, but it's also something we THINK. If I thought it would be a bad deal for either one of us, I wouldn't do it. And yet we'll wait and live together a few years, and make sure we can share life under the same roof and be happy, before we actually take that step.
But I've always seen the two parts of marriage as...separate, different things. It's why living with my ex for ten years with our two kids didn't trouble me. Like why would he be any more likely to abandon his commitment because it's enforced by a contract? He was on their birth certificates. He had his own commitment of honor and love to hold him there. So did I. How does getting married make a big deal of a difference, if you already love one another and live life together as a family?
If you (like me) are not religious, and not interested in social value judgments for their own sake...the only difference at all, is a legal contractual bond. The benefits bundle. That's it. And severing it wasn't really much harder because of the marriage either, we only paid like a few hundred bucks to a paralegal and jumped through a few legal hoops. Nothing too dramatic. We'd already hashed out all the drama on our own, before we ever got there. Getting married wasn't a big deal, and neither was getting divorced. Getting together, having kids, moving all over the country, breaking up...that stuff was big deal stuff.
With all this talk about business partnerships, marriage, and what-have-you, it got me wondering. What if there was a way to live together, but without the requirements and obligations that marriage or romantic cohabitation brings on? Basically, two people live together, since it's more efficient to have two incomes and one household, than two people each living alone. Legal and financial matters do not get comingled. The people eat some meals together, maintain the home together, and even may socialize together when the occasion requires coming as a couple. But for the most part, they leave each other alone and give each other full independence, outside of courtesies like "tell the other person if you'll be gone for more than 24 hours". Such an arrangement would be suitable for people who have a strong aversion to living together romantically, but may find comfort in the notion of having someone call 911 for them if need be, as well as guaranteed companionships of sorts.
But what to call it? Something catchy and socially acceptable, lest the "family values" crowd gets offended. Semi-marriage? Quasi-marriage? Platonic residential maintenance partnership (or PRMP for short)? I guess whatever works.
With all this talk about business partnerships, marriage, and what-have-you, it got me wondering. What if there was a way to live together, but without the requirements and obligations that marriage or romantic cohabitation brings on? Basically, two people live together, since it's more efficient to have two incomes and one household, than two people each living alone. Legal and financial matters do not get comingled. The people eat some meals together, maintain the home together, and even may socialize together when the occasion requires coming as a couple. But for the most part, they leave each other alone and give each other full independence, outside of courtesies like "tell the other person if you'll be gone for more than 24 hours". Such an arrangement would be suitable for people who have a strong aversion to living together romantically, but may find comfort in the notion of having someone call 911 for them if need be, as well as guaranteed companionships of sorts.
But what to call it? Something catchy and socially acceptable, lest the "family values" crowd gets offended. Semi-marriage? Quasi-marriage? Platonic residential maintenance partnership (or PRMP for short)? I guess whatever works.
Someone to call 911? They make electronic devices for that.
Sure, people can grow together in marriage, or they can grow apart and end up hating each other. But when you've loved and lived with someone for 50+ years they should not only be your best friend, by that time they are probably your only friend! They are your partner in life. Your person. And when they're gone, you realize that death from a broken heart is a very real thing.
A few male friends who are divorcing have said that there is no reason to marry in today's US culture and that boyfriend/girlfriend or "engaged" is as far as it really needs to go if kids are not a priority. Thoughts?
Sure. They're idiots. If they were relationship experts, they'd still be married.
I like the twenty-seven-year partnership I have with my wife. Best decision I've ever made.
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